


On The Lightning Trail: A Tale of Fool's Gold and Glass Gems

by GwenhwyvarReads



Series: The Journey ( A Western AU) [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Violence, Opposing morals and values, Outlaw!Sapphire, Self-Discovery, Sheriff!Ruby, Western AU, horse!Garnet, nonbinary!Ruby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-14 07:53:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 85,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8004577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GwenhwyvarReads/pseuds/GwenhwyvarReads
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Everyone knows when cold and warm weather fronts collide, the result is turbulent weather. Storms rage and lightning flares on the horizon. Instability is created. The atmosphere changes.</em><br/>A naive sheriff and a femme fatale lose themselves in an unforgiving wilderness where the lightning storms weave their paths together. </p><p>Stranded alone in the wilderness, Ruby and Sapphire, a sheriff and the criminal they’d intended to catch, must try to maintain an uneasy truce until they can reach civilization again. Ever-optimistic, with a firm belief in humanity and justice, Ruby tends to grate on (and bewilder) the extremely jaded murderer, Sapphire. Sparks fly when two such opposing forces collide, but maybe they can learn from each other. That is, of course, providing they can survive the wilds and each other first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day 1

  


  


"If it wasn't for me, you'd have DIED!"

"If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have been in danger to begin with. It's been a long day. I'm tired."

In Sapphire's opinion, it had been one of the worst days of her life and she’d had more than her fair share to hold up for comparison. If not for the tiny terror fidgeting in the saddle in front of her, whose reckless pursuit had driven them deep into the unmapped wilderness, the "Lady Masque" would have been safely tucked into a rented room and enjoying a good meal. 

It would have been a new town, a new stage so to speak, but the same farce would have played out. A local rake, arrogant by wealth and entitled by gender, would approach the delicate seeming woman who wandered alone through the town. He would croon compliments, empty words from a well used script, praising her face but watching her body. He would offer, in true "gentleman" fashion to keep her company and defend her "virtue" from those who might take advantage. The "protective" hand which smoothed over her cheek or hip would be emboldened by her small, but pleased, smile as the curtain closed on Act 1. Act 2 would have been brief, a clichéd two-step of mutual insincerity, and Act 3 approached the inevitable climax with confident steps. The twist ending was that only one player's confidence was justified, in direct defiance of what the natural order of the world had decreed. Any shred of remorse or hesitation for her role died, smothered under rough, grasping hands and the suffocating reek of wine. Sometimes a bit of foreshadowing was visible in the cold gleaming of her knife, abruptly exposed along with her soft thigh, as both death and vulnerability were laid bare on a bed. 

Sapphire's mind was drawn from it's morbid reflections by a voice that rose from it's previous gruff muttering into a cracked and decidedly effeminate scream. 

"ME? If YOU hadn't committed MURDER...!"

No, instead of a clean kill and a small fortune, Sapphire was stuck with the most over-eager, spectacularly single minded, and most assuredly shortest in both height and temper lawgiver in the West. Instead of being comfortable and safe, she was stuck in this godforsaken wilderness with no help but the fool who had somehow managed to chase them both over the edge of a ravine. Admittedly, it had been an impressive demonstration of strength to drag them both back up to the top from the ledge that had saved their lives, but Sapphire's pride was as badly bruised as her body and she was loathe to thank the young man for that feat. At the top, Sapphire's attempt to flee was hindered by the loss of her horse. The damned beast had fled without her and taken all her supplies with it. Ruby’s mare possessed exactly three things: a saddle,a bridle, and an expression so profoundly stolid that the woman was convinced it's owner had dragged it through too many adventures of this sort for it to care anymore. That was hardly a comforting thought. 

It was that same horse that had carried the mismatched pair along the edge of the ravine until they found a path to the bottom. If the 17 hand tall mare was bothered by bearing the weight of two, there was no indication in her steady gait. An uneasy truce had been reached on that ride, an alliance based on their combined need to return to civilization alive. Whether Sapphire would escape at that point or Ruby would turn in his first successful arrest remained to be seen. 

During the day, it had seemed best to follow the small stream Ruby had spotted running along the ravine floor. The water had offered some relief from the heat and dehydration, but more importantly it could be followed to some kind of town or city. In a land so barren of water, any source of it was bound to attract human habitation. It also attracted wild animals and bandits, but that was an unavoidable risk in the plan. Speaking of risks...

"If you don't stop yelling, we'll be heard. I'd ask if you could be more mature, but it looks as though even puberty has taken its time in finding you."

There was a long moment of blessed silence while Ruby processed the insult to his low height and high voice. An accompanying shriek of comprehension and outrage skipped a full octave on it's way up and broke on the highest note, the sound ricocheting like bullets from the canyon walls and shattering Sapphire's last remaining nerve. The sound of the bickering pair hitting the rocky ground after Sapphire wrestled the young man from the saddle was lost beneath the fading echos.

" _I told you to be quiet_ ,” Sapphire hissed, almost nose to nose with the biggest little annoyance of her existence. She pressed a hand over his mouth, her lips brushing her own gloved knuckles as she continued, “We're unarmed and we don't know who else might be out here." She refused to raise her voice above a whisper, but the chilled intensity behind it was more than a match for the fire in Ruby's eyes as he glared over her stifling fingers. They remained locked in that tense silence as the dust settled on and around them, little golden speckles drifting down through air so oppressively hot that it fell over them like a smothering blanket, weighing them both to the ground. It was that atmospheric pressure, Sapphire thought, and not the relentless hand over his mouth, that finally forced Ruby to concede defeat. His body stilled and slowly went limp beneath her, a familiar sensation in an utterly unfamiliar situation. Perhaps that would excuse her misjudgment. 

Satisfied that there would be no further struggling, Sapphire shifted to allow the young man to sit up. She braced a hand braced against his chest for leverage, leaning her full weight for a second in order to drag herself to her knees, yet an inarticulate cry from Ruby was the only warning she was given before the directions of “down” and “up” violently exchanged places. Her already aching body impacted with the dirt hard, driving out the breath she had barely regained from her last fall. Pain flared from a dozen bruises, only to be swallowed entirely a surge of raw panic. It was difficult to see Ruby's expression, but Sapphire could easily assume the trembling she felt in the body pinning her down was from pure restrained rage. The strength in the broad hands that locked tightly on her shoulders was unnerving, her mind flashing back to earlier in the day. 

Everything had been going perfectly until a fearsome hue and cry broke out in the town behind her. Her horse had barely shook the dust of the place from it’s hooves when a sound like encroaching thunder redirected her attention. Perhaps it was pure intuition, some internal alarm bell warning her of impending disaster in her future. Perhaps it was the way she could feel the vibration of whatever-it-was rattling her bones like river reeds in a gale. In either case, Sapphire had kicked her horse into a full gallop and had a good lead on whoever was chasing her. Her animal was faster by far, but it had soon become painfully obvious that the pursuit would not end in her favor. Time and direction had lost all meaning, whipping by in a blur of arid landscape, but the other horse was steadily gaining, closing the distance with a ground devouring lope that made up for speed with stamina. 

Just as Sapphire had been desperately trying to come up with a plan of escape, fate stepped in. Her horse stumbled and fell, sending the woman flying up and over it’s head. There was no time to check for broken bones before she was standing on them, clutching her throbbing ribs and trying to rub the sand from her good eye. Blind and deaf and numb to anything but the pain, Sapphire staggered back, reaching for something solid to steady herself. Instead she found a cliff. 

For the second time, the air was belted from her body as ground fell away and her chest slammed into solid rock. For an instant, her hands closed on what might have been weeds, before she was sliding, scrambling for purchase on terrain that was more than happy to pummel her, like a bully administering a brutal beating, mocking her inability to get a hand up in time to shield herself from the blows or get enough of a grip to force the violence to stop. Free falling and rising nausea, slamming back to earth, gasping for air that wouldn’t come and would have been hammered from her lungs if it had, rolling, skidding, hurting, almost stopping, God please, _STOP_. 

And then it did stop. It stopped because something stronger had her in its grasp now. Someone stronger. Arms wrapping around her in an iron embrace, pinned down, hot breath puffing against her face, meaningless words filling her ears, terrifying in that they meant nothing. Only that someone was too close and she didn’t understand and it didn’t matter that she didn’t understand because _GOD the PAIN_. Then and now. _Then and now and THEN_. Then. That the time long ago when she had felt much like this. Small and hopeless and helpless and _hurting_. Broken, bleeding, blinded by tears and by pain and get off me _GET OFF ME_. 

And then the person did get off of her, changing the path of her thoughts and her memories enough that Sapphire was able to hold onto reality again, even if she’d been failing to get a grip on anything else today. Damn it all to Hell and back again, because the real hell was right here. Here where she was lying on the hard ground, surrounded by intolerable heat yet numb and drenched in a cold sweat, slowly icing over inside so she could think clearly again. As the panic receded, Sapphire stepped in to control herself. Her breathing slowed it’s frantic pace, her heart soon followed suit. 

She couldn’t have been laying there for long because, once she had cautiously sat up, primly folding her legs to the side and crossing her hands in her lap, assuming appearance of composure, Ruby was still holding up both hands in an absurd display of appeasement. The sheriff was seated cross-legged beside her, uncomfortably close. Once he determined she was rational, Ruby began babbling apologies and waving his hands with all the agitation she was refusing to feel. It was oddly compelling, the way he gazed up at her with those wide brown eyes that were so woebegone and a little watery. He looked utterly dumbfounded. A stray thought circled, annoying, the buzzing of an insect. Or the prattling of a pest. _I understand why people sometimes kick puppies._ It wasn’t a useful thought and not exactly a welcomed sentiment either, so Sapphire brushed it aside. 

When one of those hands reached towards her face, Sapphire’s calm fractured like a frozen pond under a heavy, trespassing boot. 

“DON’T!”

Sapphire’s scream stunned both of them, their bodies recoiling in unison as Ruby’s hands flew up again as if to prove indisputably that he would most certainly not be touching her. It’s possible that it would have even been a humorous tableau, a fine pair of slack-jawed fools staring into each other’s eyes, if her skull hadn’t been pounding abominably and if her dignity hadn’t seemed gone past all potential of salvation. The words tripped over themselves in her mind, welling up in her mouth so bitterly that it took all of her hard-won control to swallow them again and spit out only what was necessary. Only what could be said calmly and wouldn’t give away more than she wanted to give. And Sapphire was not a giving human being to begin with. 

“Don’t...” 

_don’t you dare touch me_

“I don’t” 

_want your filthy hands on my body_

“want your” 

_never NEVER_

“help.”

The result was immediate. Ruby rose stiffly, brushing the dirt from his pants and crossing his arms. His lips compressed to a thin, displeased line, but he didn’t say a word. The sheriff simply took a few steps back and waited. Unacceptable. Somehow, the more in control Ruby became, the less Sapphire became certain that she was the dominant player in this game. If this was no longer a game that could be won, she had no compunctions about changing it in mid-play. 

“What kind of a name is Ruby anyway?” she inquired, apropos of nothing. She felt too weak to stand, but her demeanor settled once more into demure propriety and the mask she wore smiled almost sweetly up at the confused young man. He blinked, eyes darting upward before turning back to her, as if seeking divine guidance before answering. 

“A good one.” Ruby answered slowly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, clearly still trying to puzzle out the relevance of this question. Bringing his chin up stubbornly, he added, “My pa gave it to me.”

“How droll.” Sapphire responded, saccharine smile still fixed in place, “His little treasure? Isn’t it a little effeminate for a crude little sheriff who likes to roll in the dirt? Or are you truly such a rock that you’re attempting to revert to your natural state. ”

Ruby immediately bristled, face flushing as vividly crimson as his namesake. Like her, he bared his teeth in a smile that wasn’t a smile at all. “Got a problem with that, _Lady Masque?_ I noticed you never offered yours when we agreed to help each other earlier.” His voice had dropped to a grinding rumble, furious but restraining the feeling as doggedly as anything else he’d done that day, “ I’m hardly going to keep calling you that - I feel like I’m escorting a showgirl. ”

“Sapphire.” 

If it took to her dying day, she would never be able to explain the feeling that took hold of her in that moment. There was no need to tell Ruby the truth. He had no way of verifying the authenticity of any answer she cared to give him. In fact, it was downright irrational to give a representative of the law her real name. There was no reason at all why she should have given him any part of herself. Maybe it was because her dying day didn’t seem very far away. If hers wasn’t, Ruby’s was. She would have to ensure that now. 

“My name is Sapphire,” she repeated, louder this time. Contempt crept into her voice and she allowed it. She could have been a queen seated on a gilded throne instead of a battered woman curled on the rocky, filthy bottom of a ravine, posture perfect and artfully relaxed, gloved hands resting on her knees. She could see the next question forming on the little sheriff's lips, could clearly see what inane course the conversation would take, and so she preempted the inevitable dispute firmly. “Believe me or don’t, it’s of no consequence to me. It is, however, my name.” 

A short nod was all the confirmation Sapphire was offered. Ruby stalked past her and snatched his hat from the dirt and put it back on. Then he did a curious thing. Kneeling down in front of her, he tipped his hat and held out a hand, for all the world as though they were seated in a diner and making pleasant acquaintance for the first time. Years of ingrained courtesy and habit kicked in and Sapphire took his hand, her small fingers completely engulfed in his broad palm. The next thing she knew, Ruby stood and she was hauled up with such smooth, effortless strength that it left her skin crawling. 

“Get on the horse, Sapphire.” Ruby said, voice flat and tired. He jerked a thumb in the silent mare’s direction. It looked like the horse hadn’t budged an inch since this senseless fracas had first begun. In what Sapphire sensed was going to become a trend, the mare had been calmly observing them the entire time. “Her name is Garnet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION: To provide a little clarification, Sapphire is making a lot of assumptions of Ruby, their sex, and their gender based on their appearance and her own innate arrogance. Because this is from her point of view, please keep in mind that a personal narrative can be often be unreliable/inaccurate. She is very focused on predictable patterns of behavior and pigeonholing people into clearly defined categories. It's a coping mechanism that has helped her feel safer and more in control, but coping mechanisms can only work so long and it is not a healthy one.


	2. Day 3

“It could be worse! I mean, it could be raining!”

As if afflicted with a prophetic vision, Sapphire knew precisely what fate awaited them the moment the little sheriff offered such ill advised consolation. It was their third day traveling along the floor of the canyon, following the river that Ruby insisted would lead them to civilization in a few days. There was nowhere to go to escape the deluge anymore than they could escape each other's company, but Ruby urged her and the horse forward by sheer force of will until he found what he was searching for. A shallow alcove had been formed by the forces of nature and the young man wasted no time in scrambling in to check for wildlife. Once he was satisfied that nothing dangerous had the same idea he had, Ruby held out his arms. 

If she’d been less irritated, Sapphire might have conceded to logic and allowed him to help. Many times in the past, she’d let some ardent swain take her hand and ease her down from a saddle, maintaining a prim and ladylike image regardless of whether the help was needed or appreciated. Instead, she smacked his reaching hands away and slid down Garnet’s flank, catching the edge of her skirt on the saddlebags and landing with an undignified squelch in the mud. 

It was questionable if it was the expression on her face or the driving rain that had Ruby fumbling out some inarticulate explanations and grabbing for the reins, but the mud barely had time to be sluiced from her clothes before Garnet had been backed into the meager protection of the overhang and coaxed into laying down. A pity the humiliation wasn’t so fast to wash away.

Ruby had no natural capacity for stillness or subterfuge, as demonstrated by his fidgeting with the various straps and buckles adorning Garnet’s tack and refusal to look in her direction long after Sapphire had relented enough to take shelter. It was far too confined for her comfort, forcing the unlikely pair to sit elbow to elbow up against the mare’s warm, furry barrel. Consequently, matted horse hair added to the collection of stains on her outfit. Even the weather couldn’t dampen the sheriff’s good humor for long, regrettably, so cheerful humming added a discordant counter-melody to the jiggle of harness straps and the steady drumbeat of rain. What senses weren’t taken up by the cacophony were filled by the sticky cling of soaked cotton to chilled skin, the odor of a wet large animal, and the taste of bile in her mouth. Sapphire had never killed anyone out of pure exasperation, but the thought held a certain appeal. 

While she had agreed to this farce of helping each other reach the closest human habitation they could find, Sapphire had more long-term goals in mind. If she did survive the wilderness, it would not be to end up dangling from the first crossbeam or tree they came across. If possible, Ruby might prove a useful tool in eluding capture and, if not, there were many ways to be rid of him once a town was in sight. Some ways could prove more permanent than others. Sapphire preferred to be sure and certain in her solutions to problems and problematic people. 

Nevertheless, perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to convince the naive little soul that she meant well. As the saying goes, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar and she would feel much more at ease once Ruby was securely under control. With a few deep breaths, at least her temper was securely under control and the effort it took to calmly skim her fingers down the length of his arm to stroke the back of his hand was worth it just to still the confounded fidgeting. Regardless of how distasteful she found the game, there was no denying the way her confidence was buoyed by the return of a situation she _did_ know how to handle. Familiar and practiced - Lady Masque knew how to deal with men and get what she wanted. 

Her coy smile held firm as she brushed her dripping bangs back just enough to try and meet Ruby’s wide eyed stare, but his gaze quickly dropped to the hand laid over his own, following the movement with an expression that could be kindly termed intensely contemplative. It had to be contemplation, because the alternative would imply that her touch provoked the same reaction as a venomous snake would have if it had slithered into his lap. Two days of sitting behind the little sheriff had familiarized her with the comfortable slouch of his posture, but that was nowhere to be seen as he sat at rigid attention. His mouth opened, slack, but no words were brought forth. It was a little demeaning to waste her talents on this, but so be it. 

Sapphire was proud of the sultry purr her voice was capable of, remnants of a musical career she had long ago abandoned. Yes, it was a little rough from the trail dust, but more than good enough for a youth who had likely never seen a woman more worldly than a dairy maid. She spoke smoothly, thinking of velvets and rich wine, of places she’d rather be, coaxing her companion to subside. “There now, stop fussing with that. You’ve done a good job at finding shelter and I’m sure you’ll have us home soon. I’ll be sure to express my gratitude when you do. Until then, why don’t we relax?” 

 

“What… are you trying to do?” Ruby asked dubiously, his voice breaking high and squeaky on the last word. Sapphire winced. It seemed the good sheriff had finally found words, but not the expected ones. 

The noise and movement had been irritating, but, by God, Ruby’s look of blank incomprehension was downright offensive. Men had kissed the back of her hand for such gracious offers, offered her dinners at the best diners in town, made honeyed promises as spurious as her own. In their lust, they had condemned themselves and willingly placed themselves in her power. It could be pardoned, then, if her response was sharp. As though Ruby’s emotional and restless nature was rubbing off, the words flew out before she could regain control. 

“Are you really that much of a child?” 

Slowly, inexplicably, a broad grin spread across his features and Ruby sagged back against the curve of Garnet’s neck. Once, twice, he shook his head and proceeded to burst into raucous laughter. He slapped his thigh with his free hand and turned to mare who was now nuzzling his hair affectionately. “You are. I couldn’t believe it, but you ARE. Do you hear this, Garnet? What do you think of that, girl?” Ruby chortled and rain his hands through his already wild curls until they nearly stood on end. Garnet obligingly flicked an ear in his direction as Ruby continued, his voice rising in pitch and volume with every word, “I’m starving, stink to high heaven, and I’m so filthy that I have dirt up in places I didn’t even know I had … and she’s offering to canoodle!”

If Sapphire’ pride had been stung by the seeming obliviousness, she was livid now. She snatched her hand away, unconsciously cradling it to her chest as though the hand she’d held had become a scorching brand, and hissed back, “I don’t have to take this from some beardless child who -”

“OH! If you like a whiskery chin, you could cozy up to Garnet instead!” Ruby cut in, demonstrating by pressing an obnoxiously loud smooch on the mare’s dark muzzle, “But don’t you go hurting my horse, she’s a soft-hearted lady.” The “lady” whickered in apparent agreement and Ruby threw both arms around her broad head. Hugging the mare’s head to his chest, he scratched under her chin groove and smothered his hearty laughter into Garnet’s bushy forelock.

 

“Why, I -” 

Without lifting his forehead from Garnet’s, Ruby interrupted again. “ Was supposed to be skilled in seduction, but I’m not really seeing it.” He seemed to be calming down, his voice still high and breathless from mirth, but softer now. His shoulders rose and fell in a final, silent huff of laughter before adding, “The last person to proposition me at least offered a nice dry barn. I mean, hay isn’t comfortable but it smells good and there’s always horse blankets…”

“ _How dare you!_ ” Sapphire’s shriek of outrage was utterly unsuited to the poised and polished facade she’d presented to the world for years, but it fit the disheveled woman sitting in the mud perfectly. The image of that scruffy sheriff, rolling around in a pile of hay like an overgrown puppy, straw caught in his curls and an artless grin on his round little face, was the final blow to Lady Masque’s already bruised pride. Whether the mockery was meant to imply a woman of her standing would ever deign to go for “a roll in the hay” or, as she more strongly suspected, an immature game was being held up as more appealing pastime than anything she could offer him, it didn’t matter. 

Yet when she gathered herself to verbally strike back, drawing in a deep breath and mentally preparing a scathing commentary, the words fell from her lips unspoken. Ruby was now watching her from over his hunched shoulder, dark eyes hard and thoughtful, and she felt abruptly exposed and shabby in that frank reflection. 

“.. and you move pretty damn fast. But I guess you don’t need to take the time to make friends with people who aren’t going to live to see dawn. I’m not interested in either: meaningless sex or ending up six feet under.”

She felt almost frozen from shock, flexing numb fingers and struggling inaudibly to drag the escaping air back into her lungs.The mare seemed to regard her as gravely as her rider, ears perked up and swiveling to follow their exchange. The voice that broke into her trance was more serious than Sapphire had thought him capable of and the next chill that ran through her veins was from fear. Ruby shifted to fully face her again and the stare that transfixed her was smoldering with repressed fury. A hand instinctively twitched towards her thigh, where her knife lay beneath concealing layers of cloth. A secret she kept in case it should be needed.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking, Ma’am. Other than you’re thinking I’m as thick as a fence post,” Ruby growled through clenched teeth. “I know the bloody trail you’ve left behind you and I’m not going to be the next poor fool to fall into your arms. What I can’t figure out is why you think it’s necessary. I told you that I’m going to get you back to civilization safely. What more do you want? What else do you think I could want?” Ruby flung his arms wide, exasperation and supplication combined in a single frenetic gesture. In the dim light, Sapphire honestly couldn’t tell if the dampness on his face was from the rain or if the sheriff was actually crying in frustration.

For a time, the only sound was the steady patter of rain and the occasional whisk of Garnet’s tail behind her. Ruby’s eyes seemed to be searching for something, desperately looking though the bedraggled fringe that shadowed her expression for….what? What did he want? What did she want? She’d known a scant few minutes before, but it was as though she had returned to the moment she’d of fallen from the cliff. The ground suddenly gone from beneath her, the gut-wrenching drag of gravity, grasping wildly and futilely for a secure grip on anything. She closed her eyes against the vision and the questions she couldn’t begin to answer. 

The was a loud huff somewhere to her left and a grumbled “Fine, have it your way.” The warmth of Ruby’s body was lost as he clambered over Garnet’s folded legs and curled into a miserable little ball between the hard stone and the ever-watchful mare. Well. At least Sapphire had won the battle for peace and quiet, even if it had cost her dignity in return.


	3. Day 4

The prior day’s conversation had damped Ruby’s mood even more significantly than the rain had saturated their world. While it couldn’t be said she was in good spirits, Sapphire was satisfied with the morose sheriff’s perfunctory courtesy and continued silence. The air was clear and heavy with the clean scent of ozone, the dust settled without creating much mud on the mostly rocky ground, and the previously hostile sun felt good as it’s warmth penetrated her soaked and clammy clothing. She breathed in the quiet and let her head tip back, exposing her face to the only warm caress that still meant anything positive to her. Her heavy bangs fell back, exposing both eyes to the light. One was as brilliantly blue as the sky above them, but the other was dull and covered in a milky film. It could see the light high above her, above the stone walls that loomed around her like the bare sides of a prison cell, and it could see the shadows that surrounded her at the bottom of this trap, but nothing else. 

It was almost a good day, if you overlooked the fact that she hadn’t had a proper bath or any sort of personal grooming in days, was nauseous from the raw hunger clawing at her stomach, and was probably going to die and have her malnourished corpse eaten by scavenging animals. Sapphire sincerely hoped they’d choke on her bones. 

Ruby was occupied with scaling the cliff on their side of the river. It was a periodic endeavor, made seemingly at random, with the excuse that he might be able to spot signs of human habitation or at least a trail. Sapphire suspected this was true, but that his need to burn off nervous energy was also a motive. Foolishness, really, because neither of them had excess energy to burn, but she certainly wasn’t going to stop him if he wanted to die faster.

Under better circumstances it might have been comedic: the little sheriff climbing down the side of the over-sized horse, caressing the mare’s fuzzy muzzle in unconcealed adoration, and firmly admonishing her to “Stay. Stay!” This command was given several time as Ruby backed away, one palm held up as a visible cue to halt, until he finally called out a relieved sounding “Good girl!” and made a dash for the rocky wall. 

It struck Sapphire as an unnecessary song and dance routine, considering that Garnet may as well have been a horse carved from solid granite the moment she felt Ruby slide from the saddle. Sapphire had experimented a few times, touching her heels inconspicuously to Garnet’s flanks and urging forward movement. The mare had flicked an ear politely in her direction, listening, but had never so much as shifted her weight or once taken her eyes off the form precariously hauling itself hand over hand up the cliff. If brute strength, or a man, could have impressed Sapphire, she supposed she would have been very impressed. He made rapid progress and seemed to have a knack for finding the smallest handholds or crevices to wedge a boot into, making what should have been a brutally difficult climb seem like a child climbing a familiar tree. 

Needless to say, Sapphire had lost all interest after the first few times and was otherwise engrossed in offering as much of her chilled body to the drying heat of the sun as possible when Garnet startled her by snorting. The sound was low and soft, barely noticeable, but when you’re straddling a rib-cage that’s roughly the size of a whiskey barrel, any expansion of that circumference is painfully apparent. How Ruby has ridden this amazonian animal without being castrated was beyond her understanding. Then again, perhaps she’d just solved the mystery of the west’s squeakiest sheriff. He made an especially loud squeak when the roots he’d tangled his fingers in pulled free and he fell the last few feet to the ground. 

Ruby’s body had barely impacted against the ground, moaning and curling up too late to offer protection, before Garnet was making a beeline for her owner. Sapphire quickly raked her bangs back down over her eyes, hiding her ocular disfigurement, though Ruby could hardly have seen it with Garnet nosing at his cheeks and face. The pained squeaks continued, increasing in anguish, until she began to wonder if the young man was actually crying. Trembling arms reached up and clutched the mare’s head closer, muffling any further sounds, though Sapphire swore she heard him mumble “You were supposed to stay over there.” Finally, Ruby’s shaking fingers, which had been mindlessly stroking Garnet’s cheeks, closed on the leather bridle and he dragged himself into a sitting position. 

Ruby reached for one of the stirrups next, left hand falling on the tread, but he just bowed his head until it rested on his extended forearm. Sapphire felt she’d demonstrated laudable patience up to this point, but it was finally necessary to tap his fist with the toe of her boot. The boot leather came away bloodied and Ruby wordlessly held up his left palm, displaying a dripping crimson gash. He was giving her that look again. The one that made her feel exposed, like a performer who makes the mistake of leaving the stage to mingle with the crowd. What looks glamorous when the spotlights are shining brilliantly and the sequins are sparkling like real sapphires is revealed to be a human being with too much make-up, tawdry clothing, and nothing to left say to anyone. How dare he sit there, looking up at her with dirt smearing into mud on his damp cheeks, one of which which was already bruising darkly, messy curls made even more absurd from being slicked back by horse slobber, like _she_ was somehow the force that was robbing _him_ of hope. Like she was a monster. 

Ruby, to all appearances, gave up first and turned aside to rub his face dry on his jacket sleeve. He managed to get the red handkerchief off his neck and tied around his bleeding palm fairly well, though using just one hand and his teeth was obviously awkward. Sapphire was fumbling in her own way with an uncharacteristic internal conflict, but she was satisfied that things were about to get back on schedule. It was about then that Ruby glared up at her; his eyes narrowed and the wobbly pout turned into a teeth baring snarl. He pointed vehemently at the ground and spoke three sharply enunciated words, “ Garnet. Lay down.” 

With three small words, nearly 2,000 lbs of muscle and bone shifted, hooves the size of dinner plates testing the lay of the land, and daintily folded it’s legs. The great forelegs bent first, performing a smooth, deep bow and flinging Sapphire forward so unexpectedly that she nearly went over Garnet’s inclined head. The saddle horn that rammed into her diaphragm prevented such an unfortunate fall. The hind legs soon followed the fore, rocking Sapphire almost gently out of the saddle and back over Garnet’s hindquarters to land on her back in a little puff of dust. 

She would never squeak like Ruby, but she couldn’t help wheezing as she tried to force air back into her lungs. Sapphire’s hands clasped around her aching gut, now as bruised as her dignity. While the woman sprawled, booted feet still propped in the air by Garnet’s furry rump, wrap-skirt rucked up around her waist, modesty blessedly preserved by her trousers, Ruby dragged himself into the saddle and peered down at her over his shoulder. The way his little snub nose wrinkled made her want to pinch it. Or punch it. 

And there was the crux of the problem. Sapphire was a sophisticated woman. She had long ago left behind the degradation of poverty and base behavior. She’d climbed her way up the ladder of society through hard work, both legal and illegal, and through the sacrifice of all she was. The cost had been too dear and the goal too precious to lower herself to that level again. Yet here she was, acting like a shoeless street urchin ready to brawl with the first brat that looked at her cross-eyed. She was better -

“-than this. Pa raised me better than this,” Ruby mumbled, somehow completing her own thoughts. Slowly, Sapphire levered herself up to her knees, hand still pressed to her diaphragm, and regarded Ruby cautiously. He struggled for a moment, expression rapidly flickering through emotions. Resignation? Frustration? Remorse? Finally, he sighed and held out a hand to her. And immediately flinched back, looking down at his injured hand in numb bewilderment. It was as if he’d forgotten it, briefly, once his mind moved on to other obligations and needs.

The next sigh was Sapphire’s, though there was no note of weariness in hers. Pulling her bleached kid-skin gloves off, she tucked them under her arm and held out her bare hands. Her voice was carefully clipped and neutral when she said, “ Give me your hand. Honestly, a half-blind person could have tied a better knot in that bandage.” Sapphire’s hands didn’t linger comfortingly, her skin left no reassuring warmth, but the handkerchief was shaken out and refolded around Ruby’s palm with brisk efficiency and tied firmly in place. Staring at the incongruous pattern of little white daisies on the burgundy cloth was easier than trying to understand the expression on Ruby’s face, but looking up could only be avoided for so long before it looked cowardly. Sapphire was no coward. 

They faced one another squarely, not speaking, just regaining equilibrium. Sapphire subsided into the familiarity of courtesy, a place where troublesome emotions could be discarded and exchanges led to predictable outcomes. She put it on like she put on her gloves, relief and security was in the insulating layer it placed between her and unwanted contact.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

A required response. A scripted reply. A dance that Sapphire knew all the steps to and, if it didn't make her any happier, it made her feel more in control. That was preferable to and more enduring than happiness in her opinion. And if that same relief wasn’t reflected in Ruby’s eyes, that wasn’t her concern either. He sat stiffly in front of her as Sapphire seated herself on the empty saddlebags behind Garnet’s saddle and leaned forward to give the woman all due distance. 

“Oh, good girl. Good girl,” Ruby praised, running his good hand up and down the mare’s neck. If his words of gratitude to Sapphire had held the warmth of burned down embers, then they were akin to a kindling bonfire toward Garnet. With each pass of his hand, the patting grew more vigorous, feeding on the spark of affection until he was crooning, “ You’re always reliable, aren’t you girl? Even when I mess up. Good girl - up! UP! Let’s get going!” Garnet arched her neck and presented her ears for one last scratch from Ruby before complying. 

Up went the powerful head and shoulders, muscles flexing as the mare gathered herself and surged to her feet. Sapphire was forced to grab at Ruby’s hips to stay on, but the merriment seemed to have returned to Ruby’s heart and he laughed as he apologized for her inconvenience. 

“Who exactly trained this horse?” Sapphire asked, disinterested but fishing for a neutral topic that might pass the time. 

“If you’re asking who trained her to saddle and harness, it wasn’t me. I just taught her a few tricks. She knows how to stay, come, heel, lay down, and roll over!” Ruby rambled on, oblivious to their increasingly appalled audience. “Pa was keener on having human strays, but we still got a few of the four-legged variety to mind until a better owner turned up. I managed to train a few of the dogs, so I figured a horse wasn’t much different.” After a moment of exaggerated consideration, Ruby added, “Um. She also knows how to open stable doors and gates, but I’m not taking the blame for that. Garnet’s got a mind of her own and she figured that one out for herself.”

“Please tell me the horse doesn’t fetch.” 

The grin that Sapphire caught from over the curve of Ruby’s shoulder warned of oncoming absurdity, but there was no stopping him now. “ Oh no, Garnet taught me to do that trick! I fetch her water, her food, her blankets, her tack…..” the words trailed off, leaving Sapphire to fill in the list herself. The heavy fringe of bangs overshadowed her face, concealing all possible facial expressions. The sole exception to this was her mouth and that was swiftly by her gloved hand. It did very little to stifle the unladylike snort.

Twisting around in the saddle, Ruby clapped a hand to his heart and declared with tongue-in-cheek reverence, “Sweet Jesus and all the stars in heaven, was that a laugh I heard? At something I said? Hell’s frozen over and the Devil’s handing out scarves today!” 

“Watch where we’re going. And where exactly did you find this horse?,” Sapphire replied, ignoring the jib and keeping her fingers pressed over her full lips to keep any telltale twitch from betraying her mood. “Isn’t a draft-mix a little impractical for a riding animal? You’d normally see them between the shafts of a cart. She must eat twice what a good mustang or quarter-horse would. Let’s not forget the difficulty of finding riding tack that fits and getting her properly shod.” She might also have inquired if Ruby just enjoyed dislocating his hips on a daily basis or if he was using Garnet to compensate for his height, but Sapphire was determined to conduct a civil conversation.

Ruby shrugged. Unlike Sapphire, whose feelings were shown in subtle movements of her lips and the tilt of her head, Ruby’s entire body was a signboard with his heart painted in bold strokes upon it. His smile stretched nearly from ear to ear, crinkling the corners of his eyes with mirth and mischief. Ruddy color splashed life across his cheeks and even the bounce of his curls seemed to proclaim the intensity of the soul beneath the skin. It was better when he turned back to the trail and Sapphire didn’t have to look at him anymore. Had she ever been like that? If she had, the woman preferred to not remember it. 

“Well, I needed a horse and Garnet needed a new human,” Ruby answered. He seemed to find that enough explanation, but continued when Sapphire nodded. “ Her last owner was a real piece of work and Garnet wouldn’t pull a daisy for him, much less a wagon.” His smile faded to a pensive frown, leaning in again to stroke the mare’s neck and scratch along the base of her mane. “He’d had about enough of her and was yelling to all who’d hear that he’d sell her for a song if they’d just take the ‘useless brute’ off his hands. She cost me more than a song, once the cretin realized he had a buyer, but I didn’t mind sharing a stable and oats with Garnet for a while.” 

“Money’s just money; I could replace it. Garnet here? She’s special.” Ruby’s voice had dropped lower, softer, and his hand never paused in its tender ministrations. “And no one deserves to be mistreated or abandoned, Sapphire. It’s wrong.” 

No, Sapphire supposed, she had never been like Ruby.


	4. Day 7

Days fell into a predictable pattern. They rose early in the morning and followed the river until the heat of midday forced them into whatever sparse shadows the receding rock walls offered. After napping through the worst of the heat, the mismatched party dragged themselves up and trudged onward until the light grew too dim for safe footing.

There were frequent stops for water, which caused as much torment as relief. Sapphire bent low over the river, letting the cool current swirl around her fingers and cupping it in her palms. Some water was splashed on her face to soothe the sting of lightly sunburnt cheeks and to rinse away the itch of the sweat that slicked her tangled hair to her skin. Some water was brought to her cracked lips and sipped as slowly as her desperation would allow. To gulp it down, as her parched throat demanded, would only end in her retching it back up again. Each time that trickle of water ran down her throat, it quenched one need and inflamed another, reviving her body just enough to wake from it’s apathetic stupor and crave food. She’d continue drinking until the feeling was endurable and the cycle would begin again. In some ways it would have been easier to not drink, to ignore the dryness in her mouth in favor of not reminding her stomach of it’s emptiness, but Ruby would not allow it and Sapphire was too tired to argue. 

Sapphire half-dozed alone in the saddle now. Two days back, on some physical cue Sapphire hadn’t picked up on, the little sheriff had slid from the saddle and stood for a long moment with Garnet’s head cradled in his palms. His thumbs had stroked the sweat matted fur on the mare’s cheeks. “She’s tired,” Ruby had whispered, as if saying the words cut him to the heart and speaking them too loud would have killed him. As if whispering the words would make the truth less real. From that point on, Ruby walked beside the mare instead, their heads inclined towards each other like old friends seeking solace in companionship. 

Sapphire never offered to exchange places and Ruby didn’t ask.

Their pace had slowed more with every successive day, but she felt no inclination to point it out. What difference did it make if they ran or crawled towards the inevitable? Ruby was determined to keep a positive attitude, it seemed, because he kept up a lively and mostly one-sided conversation whenever he had the breath to spare. Ruby discussed whatever random topics crossed his mind, from the weather to his aversion to turnips to a surprisingly articulate diatribe on the unnecessary cruelty of using spurs on a horse. When words failed, he sang or hummed snatches of songs. Ruby’s soliloquies were expressive and Sapphire didn’t have to be charitable to acknowledge he could carry a tune, but she firmly put her foot down when he started to whistle. Ruby had fumed for over an hour about the boot that had kicked him squarely between the shoulder blades, but that was infinitely less grating to listen to. 

Consciousness wavered in and out; had she blinked or briefly fallen asleep? The only two mercies given to her was that Ruby seemed oblivious to her weakening condition and that he lead Garnet on the side with her good eye. Time and need had trained Sapphire not to flinch when people moved in and out of her limited peripheral vision, masking the reactions caused by her partial blindness in the same way that her long bangs concealed the cataract that clouded her left eye. That control didn’t prevent the jolt of fear that ran down her spine every time someone abruptly appeared in her field of vision or moved to the side until she could no longer see what they were doing. 

The only break in the day’s monotony was that the height of the rocky walls that caged them in was rapidly dwindling. The bank was also expanding as the river grew broader and more shallow. Here and there, patches of deposited soil produced straggling weeds. It was barely an hour or so past their midday rest when Ruby broke off his rambling with an excited cry. She must have drifted off again because the harsh rock had fallen away to reveal a world of tall grass and blue skies. 

A strong wind stirred her long blonde hair. The grass bent and rippled beneath it in waves, the rustling rush of the movement calling to mind the sound of an ocean tide slowly, but inexorably, devouring the shore. When Sapphire had been younger, she had once stood beside the ocean. She’d felt very small and lost in comparison to that endless expanse; the frailty of her human existence had trembled on the edge of that vast power. Gradually, her shaking fingers now reached up to shade her eyes from the glare of the sun. A numbness had taken hold of her mind as she sat up straight in the saddle, slowly turning her head in all directions. The plains met the cloudless summer sky on a horizon unbroken by even a single tree. The world was desolate. 

She dismounted liked a woman caught up in a nightmare, walking across ground that her feet didn’t quite seem to touch, and moved with the swaying grace of a swoon that refuses to come. Perhaps she was still asleep. Perhaps she’d died in her sleep and the afterlife was as devoid of consolation and company as her dreams. No. Ruby was speaking, but it was a distant and irrelevant buzzing in the background. Crickets humming in the high grass. She waved vaguely in the direction of the voice. Dead or dreaming, he had her blessing to do what he chose. The ghost of a laugh was on her lips and she had no breath to give it life. Beside the river, Sapphire sunk to her knees on the muddy ground and laid aside her gloves neatly. Her hands plunged deep into the water and threw it into her face like a cold, liquid slap. 

Sound assaulted her ears, piercing her as the world snapped into focus. The pounding beat of the blood rushing through her veins and the staccato of her breathing existed in sharp counterpoint to the unhurried and inexorable symphony of nature.

A glance behind her showed that Garnet had been completely divested of tack and was steadily devouring the surrounding grasses. Ruby was vigorously running his fingers through the sweat slicked fur, roughing up and brushing the areas that had been covered by leather and cloth. A memory surfaced; he’d been worried about the mare getting sores. Sapphire surmised that the little sheriff was letting the horse eat and had been asking to take an early break. It had no meaning to her. 

The bank on their side of the river was more shallow. The river had slowed enough to reach watery fingers into the surrounding lands, eddying in little half pools and snaking it’s way through the grass in little streams that lead to nowhere. The vegetation there was riotous in the silent manner of plants, drinking in the vitality of the river and bursting upward towards the sun. Surrounded by life and facing death, Sapphire dug her bare fingers into the warm, moist earth and tried to find her own internal stability. When it wouldn't come, she turned to depriving the plants of theirs. Delicate roots tore free with a satisfying rip, shedding soil and dripping juice between her clenched fingers. Weak things trapped in the grip of something much stronger. 

“Hey! Are you making a salad over there?,” Ruby called out. He laughed and grinned in her direction, waving like they were on a Sunday picnic. 

Sapphire smiled grimly, glancing at what she currently held in her hand and held up the limp plant, “Care for some parsley?” 

Ruby’s response was immediate and bewildering. The smile fell from his face as his jaw dropped slack, his eyes widening in shock. The normally rosy hue of his tanned cheeks paled to an unwholesome looking ash-tone. He seemed to want to scream, but his voice came out in strangled squeaks instead. “Drop that! Right now!”

She was startled enough to comply without question, dropping the plant as Ruby advanced on her. Her now empty hand twitched towards where her concealed dagger was a comforting weight against her thigh. That moment of hesitation between bafflement and self defense allowed Ruby to close the distance with surprising speed and lock her wrists in an iron grip. Even as she reflexively bent away from the too-close body, Ruby forced her hands down into running water. 

“What on God’s green earth were you thinking!? You need to wash your hands!” Ruby was leaning over her, babbling in her ear. His voice was shrill with panic, grating her already raw nerves. She threw her weight backwards, digging her shoulder into his chest and trying to knock him off balance. Ruby was more compact version of his horse: formed of solid muscle and so sturdy that he may as well have been the rock he shared a name with. He rocked back on his heels only far enough to defuse the impact and then pressed down on her more firmly. “Stop fooling around, Sapphire! You didn’t eat any, right? I’m not playing games - you just handled water hemlock! I’m sorry I scared you, but I need you to wash your hands and take this seriously!”

A familiar feeling had filled Sapphire’s heart and, with its presence, forced out the unpleasantness of fear and anger. It was a quiet, cold, and calculated state of mind that she submerged herself in with relief. Her futile struggling stilled and she passively allowed her hands to be scrubbed. Lady Masque bided her time and watched for an opening. 

“Sapphire, look, I’m sorry.” Ruby persisted, looking imploringly at her. With his uninjured hand Ruby scooped up clean sand from the streambed to scour both of her hands clean. Sapphire listened dispassionately, her head tilted slightly to keep Ruby’s worried face in sight. His eyebrows furrowed and his voice dropped to a rasping whisper. “I shouldn’t have grabbed you, but do you know anything about water hemlock? It’s not just lethal; it would be a very ugly and horrible death.”

“An ugly death?” she whispered, musing, tasting the words on her tongue until her lips drew back in a grimace. Ruby shook his head, indicating he either hadn't heard or didn't understand her point. “An ugly death,” she repeated, a little louder. Deceptively calm. “I see. Do you mean uglier than starving to death in the middle of nowhere?”

Ruby’s expression softened, misunderstanding the direction Sapphire was heading in. He hadn’t found a correct trail yet, so she wasn’t overly surprised he missed this one too.

“Oh. I… I’m sorry, Sapphire. You’re probably feeling overwhelmed right now and I know we expected to find a town sooner than this, but it’s not hopeless!” Ruby actually clasped her hands together in his, his palms chaffing hers gently to warm the clammy skin. He smiled encouragingly, a gentle and hopeful look lighting up his warm, brown eyes. “It’s not so bad out here on the prairie. There’s a much higher chance of finding food and we can see for miles. We’ll eventually spot a town or find a trail. I’ll get you home safe - you’ll see! I promise.” 

Slowly, but firmly, Sapphire pulled her hands away and rose to her feet. Ruby was left crouching in the shadow cast by the setting sun behind her. He squinted and blinked up at her, puzzlement tugging the corners of his lips down from his previous smile. 

“Safe? Are you really that stupid?” The words were spoken with an almost neutral curiosity, as if she asked a question whose answer was of little consequence to her. Fury flashed across Ruby’s face and Sapphire held up a hand to forestall his retort. “That was rhetorical and the answer is obvious.” Ruby flinched and Lady Masque finally saw her opening. She was as sure and swift with her words as she had ever been with her dagger. 

“What you’re doing is pointless. Have you forgotten the reason we’re here in the first place? You chased me so that you could _arrest a wanted murderer._ The moment you and I walk into a town, the local judge will ensure that I hang from the nearest tree or crossbeam. SAFE! Safely delivering me to my execution! _Is that not also a very ugly and horrible way to die_?”

Ruby’s lips trembled as he struggled to form a reply, but the words died unspoken. His eyes darted around, as if he thought an answer could be found or a way to escape from the truth of her words would appear. She drove her point home one final, fatal time. Her tone had crescendoed before as her mask began to crack. Now she reined it in, soft words dripping venomous pity into the open wounds. 

“Safe. You absolute fool.”

Lady Masque had watched the light fade from the eyes of many human beings. Just as the countless times before, the body below her slumped and curled in on itself. Ruby wrapped both arms around himself, but her work was done. The rest had found nothing to stem the flow of blood from severed arteries and the shivering little sheriff had no way to lay hands on the intangible lacerations she’d inflicted. 

It wasn’t that the sight had ever filled her with pride or satisfaction, but she knew what she was good at. But in this moment, as the light of day fell smothered under the gloom of twilight, Sapphire’s stomach twisted in sudden revulsion. She had always hunted monsters; people who deserved her knife in their heart. Of course they deserved it, their own lust and carelessness had let her in through the front door. God help her wretched soul, but she had wanted to crush that light out of Ruby. For what? For the sin of laying hands on her and wresting control away from her in a well meant but ill considered attempt to help her? For the audacity to hold out a candle of hope to someone too lost in the dark to appreciate it? For the crime of trying to do his job when so few truly cared about justice? 

Had the corruption she surrounded herself with poisoned her so slowly and irrevocably that she missed the turning point? When had she started to find pleasure in the pain? When had she become cruel for the sake of cruelty, instead of holding herself aloof and above petty emotions?

At what moment had she become one of the monsters?


	5. Day 10

Sapphire had long since given up on brushing any dirt and grit from her clothing. It seemed pointless when she spent endless days breathing it in, choking on the clouds that rose from underneath Garnet's plodding hooves until it coated her lungs, and the few words she spat out, with grime. The tiny sheriff had become uncharacteristically silent as the days wore on, the aggravating flow of chatter and hummed tunes drying to the barest trickle before fading away entirely in the scorching heat of the prairie. 

Lost in that quiet misery, a few thoughts came and went; small clouds that cast a passing bit of shadow across her mind. Why was she bothering with any of this? They were well and truly lost now, trudging on to their inevitable demise. Despite her initial assessment, Ruby's robust nature was finally crumbling into exhaustion. It was a state she could have perhaps prevented, or at least mitigated, by offering to divide some of the more physical tasks between them ... but Sapphire hadn't asked for this. She had not asked to be chased. Or saved. Or dragged out into the middle of a godforsaken prairie to die. 

A flicker of dark humor accompanied the thought and Sapphire coughed out a tired laugh. Ruby glanced back over his shoulder at the sound. Curiosity subsided into dull resignation when no explanation was offered and he returned to slumping over the saddlehorn. At this rate, the one who had most wanted to survive would die before the one who no longer cared about anything. What a world, she laughed to herself. What an amazing, ironic world.

When the sun dropped low on the horizon, they stopped without comment. Ruby followed his nightly routine of gently setting aside Garnet’s tack and spreading the sweat soaked saddle blanket out on the grass to dry. Regardless of how tired he was, Ruby was meticulous in leading the mare over to the river and splashing water over the worst patches of fur. Ribs had started to show under the rich, chestnut coat and the black plumes of fur that obscured Garnet’s hooves were matted with dust and bits of plants. 

Ruby used the last light of day to examine the massive hooves for cracks or lodged stones and his fingers to combed out the worst of the debris. He worked on this project slowly, both out of concern for his horse and because of his injured hand.The red handkerchief no longer bound his left palm, but an ugly scab covered what would become an uglier scar. Provided, of course, that the sheriff lived that long. 

Once Garnet was taken care of, Ruby would approach where Sapphire was already stretched out in the grass and lay down as near to her as they dared. The moon would rise, a pitiless sentinel watching the condemned pair that huddled far below. As the temperature decreased, so would the distance between their shivering bodies. Even Sapphire, suspicious as she was, couldn’t find a trace of sexual desire in Ruby’s incremental advances. He dropped off to sleep within seconds of squirming up against her side, fortunately out of her blind spot by being on her right. What she despised most of all, even more than being forced to tolerate close contact, was being forced to need it. The body heat he radiated would have made a cast-iron stove proud and, trapped between the two of them, it made the nights endurable. 

If only the exhaustion that plagued her days would follow her into the night and drag her down into the sleep that came so easily to her unwanted companion, but even that mercy was beyond her reach. Insomnia had been yet another undesirable bed-partner for years and this night was no exception. Sapphire’s thoughts ran in a loop, irritation bleeding into loathing as the hours passed. She glared up at the moon, hating the world and hating her life. Hating Ruby for being a fool and for needing even the smallest bit of help from him. Hating the feeling of his body nudging closer to her as he instinctively turned into her, deeply asleep and blissfully unaware of the path of her thoughts. Hating him for not sharing her sleepless misery. Most of all, laying there alone inside the confines of her mind, Sapphire hated herself. 

The chirp of insects made her skin crawl, feeling certain the multi-legged pests were not just around her but creeping into her hair and clothing to investigate the newest addition to their world. She smelled rank and was painfully aware of that fact and of the persistent itching of her filthy skin. Every sharp blade of grass prickled her skin and her nerves. Every pebble dug into flesh that was more vulnerable than she cared to admit, the discomfort completely disproportionate to their small size. Like Ruby.

Soft rasping breaths told her the sheriff was sleeping just as he always did, sprawled in the grass with his hat in his arms. The overall effect was that of a child and a favored stuffed toy, his fingers brushing against the worn crimson ribbon that served as a hatband as he curled around it. On their first night together, Sapphire had been stunned at how quickly Ruby fell asleep. It seemed irrational that he should close his eyes so trustingly in her presence. If he feared waking to the next world instead of the next morning, there was no evidence of it in the careless sprawl of his body and the peaceful relaxation of his features. 

“If you lived long enough to see it, this world would disappoint you.”

The words caught Sapphire by surprise, though the person they were directed at merely snuffled in his sleep. It was a true enough statement. Sapphire took pride in her acting ability and that was why she felt confident in saying Ruby had no talent for it. The long days in forced company had convinced her that the earnest and rather naive sheriff was exactly that. No more, but no less than that either. It was almost a pity, because such a thing could never last indefinitely. 

There had been a time when Sapphire believed she could make a difference in the world, removing one monster at a time, but she wasn’t completely blinded. Each death had been one step down an increasingly bloody road and each step had lead her towards a dead end that Sapphire wished she could continue to turn her blind eye to. Her actions, her choices, ultimately made no difference. Corruption colored everything she could see. As much as it would have eased what little conscience she had left, it wasn’t a world of just victims and monsters. It was a world where witnesses stayed silent and bystanders looked the other way, where judges and law enforcers were either as corrupt as their counterparts or were powerless to fulfill the position they had taken. It was apathy and greed and the inevitable degradation of anything “good.” It was only a matter of time.

Ruby didn’t stir when a hand was laid across his throat. It didn’t have to be that way. Fate could be merciful in a roundabout way and maybe dreamers never needed to wake up. It didn’t even need to be violent. The knife hidden beneath her clothes was only meant for monsters. 

The aggravating little sheriff really did seem to be at the end of his strength. The kindness of darkness obscured the deep bags beneath his eyes and the fading bruises earned by breaking her fall. It hid the bedraggled curls that still clung to his skin, even after the sweat had dried, the ragged state of his clothing, and the indents her fingers made in the soft skin of his neck. 

He was probably dreaming of saving the world or some other nonsense. Whatever that vision was, it couldn’t have matched reality. Ruby whimpered softly, shifting in his sleep until she hushed him like a fretful child. The memory of what it felt like to offer or be given comfort was so dim and the feeling so different than the husky, seductive whispers of a more recent past. “Shhh, shhhh. Hush now…” 

Frankly, Sapphire had always envisioned her end as being different than this to. If she had ever been caught, the final act in this sordid play would have been quite dramatic. There’d have been an eager audience as she was dragged across the stage to her place. She’d have gone with as much dignity as they’d allow, which wasn’t likely to be much. A crowd wanted a show, after all. If she had been lucky, it would have been a proper scaffold, a well-tied knot, and the lead actress’s neck would have snapped clean and fast. But Sapphire didn’t believe in any luck, much less her own.

Anti-climatic as it was, perhaps this would be the best for her as well. Her knife was meant for monsters and she trusted that it’s finely sharpened edge would be the fastest way to draw the curtain closed on her performance. The warm pulse beneath her thumb and forefinger was still strong and steady, but nothing ever lasts. 

A soft sound behind Sapphire had her whirling around, snatching her hand back and internally cursing her limited peripheral vision. She almost had her weapon in hand before realizing what had really broken her concentration. Garnet loomed large in her field of vision, the mare’s profile softly defined by starlight, and for a moment the woman met the serene gaze that was half hidden between a fringe of bangs as thick as her own. 

It was then that a hand brushed her wrist, the heat shocking against her chilled skin. The whipcrack of skin striking skin shattered the uncannily silent scene and Ruby reeled back with a high-pitched yelp, clutching his stinging cheek with one hand and waving the other in outraged emphasis. 

“Have you lost your mind? What the hell was that for?! ”

Somewhere between the deafening pounding of her heart and the realization that Ruby meant why had she slapped him, only that, Sapphire noticed she was laughing. The sight of her companion, simultaneously trying to rub the sleep from his eyes and protect his face, oblivious to the real danger he’d been in and grumpy only at being awakened, was all suddenly too much absurdity to endure. The woman slumped to the ground, harsh laughter bubbling up like tainted groundwater from a well that she had long ago assumed had run dry. Had she lost her mind? What a question! 

“Uh… mind sharing what’s so damn funny? Sapphire?”

Ruby bent over her, face scrunched, his expression not so much disgruntled as showing trepidation now. Now the little sheriff was afraid. Now! Now that the laughter was relentlessly crushing the air from her lungs in a gloriously ironic parody. Sapphire turned her face to the ground and, if the grit became damp, it only served to settle the dust. 

It seemed to Sapphire, once the wild humor had faded enough to for her sink back into pensive reflection, that the pair of them were constantly at odds in every conceivable way. Even as her heart slowed to a stolid pace, the pounding of Ruby’s boots on the ground and the volume of his voice escalated in vehemence. The current topic of the sheriff’s one sided conversation appeared to be women and mules and comparative stubbornness, but Sapphire really wasn’t paying it much attention until a weight fell across her torso and a stocky little body threw itself down beside her with an angry huff. Rolling over onto her side offered two discoveries, Ruby’s ragged jacket was draped around her shoulders and Ruby’s expression was oddly wounded beneath the apparent rage. Her inadvertent companion was stretched out beside her, close enough to feel the radiating heat without making any unwanted physical contact, grass in his hair and hat half crushed by fidgeting fingers. 

The awkward silence that followed was almost enough to break Sapphire’s composure. Even the crickets and the other wretched insects that infested the landscape seemed to have paused in the wake of their tirade, hushed and waiting for the next outburst. It wasn’t in Ruby’s nature to disappoint that anticipation.

“When I woke up, it looked like you were shaking. You were cold and I was trying to HELP YOU! Sorry for forgetting you like being COLD inside and out! EXCUSE ME, because we all know how much you like to pretend you don’t need help EVEN WHEN YOU DO! HOW STUPID OF ME!” 

Each syllable was enunciated with biting clarity, words formed with more passion than she had felt in years and spat out from between clenched teeth; an attack Sapphire tolerated only because Ruby’s tightly clenched fists remained firmly pressed into his own heaving chest. Men were often violent and unpredictable in her experience, but even in this Ruby seemed determined to prove her wrong, pulling the verbal punch at the last moment and bringing pain on himself instead. 

Another huff punctuated that last self recrimination and the little sheriff turned away, rolling onto his side and rubbing at his eyes. A suspicious sniff jarred her enough that Sapphire found her own voice, rough and faint from laughing and from feelings she wanted even less than her present company.

“I hate you.”

Unlike Ruby, Sapphire’s voice was soft and barely audible. But Ruby’s anger was a shallow thing, a fire that flared up fast and then burned out from it’s own intensity. Sapphire’s was dredged from a fathomless well, bone chillingly cold and poisoned by years of blood-stained hatred. It was with all that bitterness, the frustration over concern offered too late to make any difference and too galling to accept, the resentment grown from being stymied by some little hayseed who believed too much and understood too little and who refused to conform to the reliable vision she had of the world and of life, that she hissed it again with every ounce of fervor Ruby had flung at her.

_“I hate you.”_

It was probably just the late hour and all the screaming he’d done that made Ruby’s voice sound so raw and thick when he answered, “Yes Ma’am. Let me know when you find something you don’t.”


	6. Day 11

Dawn found Sapphire in a dismal state, not that she had bothered to lift her head to watch the rising sun. Color touched the horizon and the monochrome shades of night faded away like a bad dream. The harsh blacks and whites of Sapphire’s mental landscape were not so easily altered and her nightmare was not the sort that could be woken up from. 

Ruby had been slow in returning to his rest, but gradually the oblivion of sleep had silenced his grumbling and the odd hitching of his breath. Whether he had been sobbing or seething, Sapphire had been determined not to care. It had helped vaguely to repeat that to herself as she sat there, stiff and still, for the next several hours. Ruby’s jacket was still draped protectively around her shoulders like a tattered shawl. It kept the outside chill at bay.

With her hands clasped in her lap and her head bowed until her bangs brushed the back of her gloves, it almost felt like praying. Memories surfaced of a little girl who had once, in a distant and deliberately forgotten past, knelt with her family in a church as threadbare as its parishioners. Her mind turned a blind eye to the faces that no longer represented safety or home. Neither concept existed in her life. Had there been parents? Brothers? Sisters? The details were as irrelevant as whatever childish prayers had been spoken then and the memories were interred under a name she no longer carried. 

Sapphire did not pray anymore. It was not to say Sapphire had no faith in anything - she believed wholeheartedly in fate and the inevitable. She believed in doing what she had to. She believed that neither prayer or her own will made any real difference. So Sapphire bowed her head and searched not for answers from some divine, unreachable being, but from her own self. And found nothing. Who was she? What action had she taken in years that was not motivated by revenge or necessity. Did a Sapphire even exist or was Lady Masque, a pseudonym, the caricature of a woman that had played a part until she was the part, all that remained. Seized by a need to validate her own reality, the gloves were peeled away and bare palms mapped the contours of her face. 

Sapphire didn’t weep anymore either. Fear warred with apathy for possession of what was left of the person she’d become and her eyes burned with tears that did not have her permission to fall. At one point, somewhere in the endless hours between “now” and “morning”, Garnet’s warm muzzle wedged into the crook of her shoulder and puffed warm, grass-scented air against her cheek. Something inside of her twisted sharply, pain moving her to shove the kind touch away instead of embracing the comfort. She laughed quietly at the proof of her own reflexive behavior. Action and reaction and nothing more. 

By the time Ruby woke up, she was waiting for him. He stretched, mumbling to himself and yawning, for all the world like he was tucked safely in his own bed. Sitting up, he even looked around as if uncertain where he was. Then Ruby’s eyes fell on Sapphire and narrowed. With his eyes bloodshot from lost sleep and ringed by dark bags, the glare he leveled in her direction would have frightened someone who had anything left to lose. 

“Well? What do you want?!” Ruby growled at the woman who was silently watching him. The very sight of her seemed to antagonize the sheriff. 

“Nothing. And I don’t understand what you want.” 

The corner of Ruby’s eye twitched and for a moment his entire body tensed, jerking in her direction as though his very last nerve was about to snap. His arms snapped up and Ruby reached out as though he meant to grab hold of and shake the source of his frustration, but a strange thing happened and Sapphire could only add it to all the other inexplicable things Ruby did and said. He faltered and hunched his shoulders; anger was taking second place to ...suspicion? It would help if she could get a fix on any of his feelings or motives, but why should anything be easy. 

“You don’t understand what I want? What is there to understand?” That was incredulity. Probably. Ruby threw his arms up in obvious frustration and seized the topic instead of her. “I want to live! I want to go home! I don’t even mean the town that I was living in before you came tearing through my life - I mean HOME. The place where I could wake up in my own bed, safe over Pa’s store, and know I will spend the day surrounded by people I know and understand. People who care about me. Do you understand NOW?”

“I don’t. I don’t understand anything about that.” Sapphire’s quiet, blunt answer was almost drowned out by an inarticulate scream of vexation from Ruby. He leaped to his feet, hands buried in his wild curls, and began to pace. The frenetic energy that seemed inherent to Ruby’s very existence was pervasive, working it’s way under her skin and igniting feelings that had been safely bottled and stored away for a decade. And the result was an explosion. Not outwardly, because Lady Masque had perfected a poker-face befitting her alias, but inside the words boiled up with such intensity that Sapphire was equally choked up. 

“What is so difficult about it, Sapphire?!” Ruby found his tongue faster this time and stalked back to where Sapphire still sat in the grass. His arms waved to encompass both prairie and present company. “This! All this is difficult! Starving is difficult! Being lost is difficult! The situation is difficult! Your ATTITUDE is difficult!!!” 

He bent down until Sapphire could feel the heat of his breath on her face, but she refused to flinch or even blink in acknowledgement of the tantrum. Ruby concluded his tirade by stabbing a finger at his chest and gritting out, “But this? This here isn't difficult or complicated at all.”

Courtesy must always be observed. Sapphire waited patiently for Ruby to finish before grabbing his shirt collar in one small fist and dragging him nose to nose. The sheriff let out a startled little “erk” and windmilled his arms for balance, frantically trying not to fall face first into a dangerous embrace. 

“I'm not accustomed to explaining myself, so stop shouting and listen.” Sapphire allowed Ruby the time to find his balance and nod mutely. His wide eyes watched her warily as she continued to speak slowly and carefully. “No, Ruby, I don’t understand anything you are saying. I do not have a home and I do not understand anything you’re doing. I don’t know what you hope to gain. There’s no bounty on my head and no need for you to bring me in alive. Bringing back news of my death would suffice. Even I can’t flatter myself enough to think you’re doing this for the pleasure of my company, so….why?” 

Sapphire paused, allowing Ruby time to answer her. She eased her clenched fingers from his shirt and Ruby sunk down until he was on his knees. Ruby had been direct and earnest before, so she was willing to give him this chance. A chance to be honest and just… tell her. Maybe then she’d finally feel like the ground wasn’t falling out from beneath her again. Ruby shook his head slightly. Resistance? Incomprehension? She tried again, prompting, coaxing him for an answer in soft tones that masked the shivering desperation of her thoughts. “What do you get out of helping me?”

“I… don’t even know how to answer that.” Ruby’s voice was equally soft and she could recognize his expression now, because it mirrored all the vulnerabilities and uncertainty she was trying to hide. “Of course I’m trying to help you. Do you think I could watch someone fall off a cliff and not try to save them? Do you think I could abandon someone to die lost and alone? It’s not about gaining anything, it’s about having to live with myself and what I’ve done. Or what I haven’t done.”

Ruby’s voice increased in volume and conviction as he spoke, finding strength in what he clearly felt to be both truth and logic. Something in Sapphire’s face must have betrayed her scepticism, because the impact of Ruby’s fist on the ground signaled a return to antagonism. He stood and scowled down at her, adding a purely emotional distance by crossing his arms across his broad chest. “Dear God… do you know how frustrating you are? I feel like we barely speak the same language, much less live in the same reality!”

“The feeling is mutual.” Sapphire’s lips curved up briefly in a humorless smile, before retreating into her accustomed neutrality. “And it’s all well and good to talk about your conscience compelling you to take action, but you seem to keep forgetting who and what I am.” 

Ruby’s face once more unreadable. Whatever tenuous connection had been formed was lost before it could even be fully felt, yet it left behind one insight. If Sapphire used cold indifference to shield her weaknesses, then Ruby’s fiery temper served him almost as well. Self-righteous indignation burned away the softness in Ruby’s eyes, yet in the next second the fire faded away entirely. The breath he’d taken in preparation for his resumed hostilities was released and his entire posture sagged with the action. His chin dropped to rest on his chest. When Ruby looked up, the… disgust? pity? that he regarded Sapphire with made her recoil in a way that his wrath never could have. 

“You’re a person, Sapphire.” Ruby spoke like the energy it cost was more than he had to spend. The ashy pallor of his skin was obscured when he lifted both hands to his face, scrubbing rough color into his cheeks but doing nothing to warm the dark brown of his eyes. Decisively, he held out a hand to help Sapphire to her feet. “My actions are my own and whatever you’ve done would never excuse me for doing less than what I know is right.”

The cliff had been the beginning, but the fall had never really ended. Every ledge she hit, painful but bringing the hope of stability, gave way to the abyss. For a moment, Sapphire had let herself hope an understanding could be reached and Ruby, in all his earnest goodwill, had confirmed that hope was as much in vain as any other hope she’d had. She could take his hand now and their skin would meet, but the fall wouldn’t end and the distance between the worlds they lived in would not be bridged. Her hand lifted and hesitated as it came parallel to her shoulders. Ruby didn’t smile, but nodded to Sapphire and stepped in closer, stretching to meet her partway. A shudder, nearly imperceptible, ran through the woman’s thin shoulders and her hand completed its movement, wrenching the jacket from around her shoulders and thrusting it into Ruby’s open fingers.

“You’re not even going to try are you?” Ruby sounded like he’d already made up his mind and proved it by turning his back. From under the perpetual shadow of her hair, Sapphire watched him pull the jacket on and collect Garnet’s tack. He called for the mare, who had distanced herself from the bickering pair. 

Sapphire bowed her head once more and silently choked on words that were too fragile to survive the open air. She brushed the echos of Ruby saying she was a person, the implication she could be anything other than a killer, from her skirts along with the trail dust and bits of debris. With each measured breath, Sapphire exhaled the stale envy and contempt for a mind that could view life in such simplistic terms. And maybe, when her fingers laced together in her lap, Sapphire offered herself a shred of the comfort she wouldn’t take from someone else. 

Ruby didn’t say another word until every last strap had been methodically placed and tightened. The slap of his palm against the leather saddle demanded attention and both woman and mare gave it, sharply turning their heads to face Ruby. The petite sheriff refused to look at either of them, but muttered instead to the indifferent sky. 

“Just forget it. Get up and let’s go.”


	7. Day 11 [Continued]

Rejection stung. 

Over the years, Sapphire had grown accustomed to being an object of both desire and envy. Puberty had taken her petite form and molded it into soft, generous curves. The baby fat melted away in other areas to reveal refined features and elegant, slender hands. If the blush of youth had left her cheeks, then artifice had also come with age. Eyelashes could be darkened. The fullness of her lips and the angle of her cheeks could be painted. The thick tangle of blonde hair had been trained into heavy waves that curled around her hips and artfully obscured her blind eye. Physical perfection, except for that one flaw. One flaw that she concealed for the sake of vanity and so that she could avoid facing the ugliness of that injury and the associated memories every time she checked her appearance in a mirror. 

The salacious caress of eyes and hands roving over her form made her skin crawl and yet it offered a form of validation too. Beauty was as much a weapon to Lady Masque as her dagger; it was the bait to her trap and she took a certain pride in being an irresistible lure. She was desire and danger. She commanded the attention of the entire room just by walking through the door. Men invariably paused in conversation as she passed them, watching the seductive sway of her hips long past the point of propriety. Other women regarded her with varying degrees of envy and longing, hating her and wanting to be her in the same instant. With a simple crooking motion of her finger, Sapphire could have had anybody in the building.

No one had ever so resolutely and repeatedly rejected her as Ruby. 

Even after her harsh words had literally taken the little sheriff to his knees, Ruby had not completely avoided physical contact. After finding fresh fodder for Garnet, in the form of prairie grass, Ruby had taken his accustomed place in the saddle in front of Sapphire. It was as if he couldn’t resist his own need to be near other living beings. But this morning he’d held the reins in a white knuckled fist while she swung up into the saddle and settled herself. He had stared at a point just above Garnet's ears, but he must have been watching her in his peripheral vision because the moment Sapphire was securely in the saddle he began to lead the horse on foot. 

Horse and sheriff focused their eyes on the ground ahead, keeping a pace that might have been called a brisk walk except for the aggressive stomping that flattened every daisy and blade of grass with the audacity to be in Ruby’s way. Ruby’s shoulders rose and fell steadily, drawing in depth breaths and releasing them in little huffs much like Garnet. The woman cleared her throat and Garnet’s ears swiveled to listen, but Ruby shook the reins for attention and started to jog. 

The mare responded, though one ear remained turned in Sapphire’s direction. She had a glimpse of a face flushed red with anger before Ruby grabbed the bridle’s chin strap and jerked Garnet’s head around with a loud jangling of bit and buckles. Instantly the mare’s ears were laid flat to her skull and, with a smooth twist of her jaw, she locked the bit between her teeth. Ruby had a heartbeat to realize his error before Garnet reared her full height and threw her head back with Ruby’s injured hand still tangled in the bridle straps. Sapphire was forced to throw herself forward and clutch at Garnet’s thick mane and the saddlehorn to avoid being thrown off. The horse’s neck and her own hair blocked her view, but she saw the movement of Ruby’s feet kicking futilely in the air and his utterly undignified screech of pain and alarm told the rest of the story. 

There was thud that must have been his boots hitting the ground and Garnet’s forehooves returned to earth with an impact that made Sapphire’s teeth rattle. When she lifted her face from Garnet’s neck, which was still stiffly arched in the air, it was to see Ruby backing away. His right hand tentatively stretched out, but the left one was clutched protectively to his chest. A bit of blood between his fingers suggested the scab had broken open. One step closer. Another step. The sheriff was pale and his face was now twisted with remorse rather than rage. A low moan became a desperate crooning, “I’m sorry, girl. I’m so sorry…”

Garnet side-stepped his advance and tossed her head again, pulling her muzzle out of reach. Perched awkwardly in the saddle and feeling like a spectator to a private conversation, despite one of the pair being a _horse_ for God’s sake, Sapphire felt an unwelcome tug of pity for the devastated look in Ruby’s eyes. The mare danced back a few paces as Ruby tried again to reach her. Most horses would have been squealing or stamping, but the tension in Garnet’s shoulders and the deep, snorting breaths were expressive enough. Slowly, Sapphire’s heels turned in until they bumped up against the mare’s ribs. 

A pause in his horse’s retreat was all Ruby needed to wrap both hands around Garnet’s head and tug their foreheads together. He wasted no time in filling the gaps between them with petting fingers and soft words. Sapphire forced herself to stop brushing and straightening her skirt, an anxious habit she had never fully eliminated, but the sensation that she was observing something overly personal persisted. More affection was being lavished on an animal than had ever been directed at her and it finally became unbearable to not point out the absurdity.

“You do realize you’re talking to a horse, don’t you? She isn’t going to answer you."

The dry, toneless observation was ignored for all of three seconds before Ruby snapped back in response, “So what if she doesn’t speak!?” Garnet’s ears flattened at the sound and, with heavy sigh, the sheriff rubbed his face against the mare’s broad forehead. When he lifted his head again, Ruby took the time to rub the dampness from his eyes with the back of his hand before looking at her. While his eyebrows were drawn down until they nearly touched, it seemed to be less anger and more intense concentration. He spoke slowly, as if each word needed to be weighed and measured before the next could be added.

“What good are words if you’re talking to someone who isn’t listening and isn’t trying to understand? Garnet always listens to me and she tells me how she feels in her own way.” A snort that might have been humor punctuated the statement. “She told me just now, unless you’re really that blind.”

Between the stinging reminder of her limited vision and the implied insult, Sapphire was already gritting her teeth. She drew sat up straighter in the saddle and lifted her chin, but Ruby met the haughty glare without blinking. Something else was on his mind, judging by his pursed lips. The expression puffed his cheeks out, giving the impression that the sheriff might explode from internal pressure if he continued to hold back. 

“I felt sorry for you!” Ruby blurted out, red-faced and stabbing his finger in Sapphire’s direction. The way his voice cracked with emotion provoked a twitch from Garnet, but the mare did not shy away or, through her behavior, allow Sapphire to evade the accusation. “I figured it was scary to only ever see half the picture, but you see nothing at all … and it’s because you don’t want to see! Garnet and I take the time to work things out, because we care. That’s more than I can say for you!”

If Ruby had struck her in anger, it wouldn’t have been a shock. Sapphire was numbed to violence and expected aggression. The impact of his unanticipated observation left her gasping for breath. Cold fear trickled down the back of her neck and crept into her veins, spreading until she felt light headed and frozen. Sweat dripped down her face from the summer heat that she could no longer feel. Ruby waited impatiently for an answer she couldn’t think clearly enough to form; all thought ran in a broken loop focused on a single thing.

“H-how did you…?!”

Ruby’s lips moved silently, repeating her question to himself until the light of comprehension broke through the confusion that had clouded his expression. “How did I know you were partially blind?” At Sapphire’s nod, he shrugged and answered very matter-of-factly. “You turn really fast to face anything that’s on your left, but you don’t do the same for anything on your right side. I thought it was a coincidence at first, but you kept doing it. I figured it was because you couldn’t see on that side.”

With the explanation finished, Ruby looked expectantly up at her. What he expected, she couldn’t begin to fathom, but the dead silence obviously wasn’t it. He scuffed a boot on the ground and then tapped the dirt back down. “Was it a secret, Sapphire?”

The longer Sapphire went without speaking, the more agitated Ruby became. He tugged his hat off and fiddled with the red hatband. He shifted from foot to foot like ants were invading his trouser legs. Most of all, he stared at the woman seated on her high horse. How she’d looked down on him from her lofty position and he’d been pitying her the whole time. 

Ruby pressed for an answer again, his gentle tone chaffing more than insolence could have. “No one noticed before me? No one ever looked at you and saw the truth?” Sapphire inclined her head until even her good eye was hidden beneath her hair. Enough of her had been exposed and her elevated position no longer served to set her apart as superior. It just left her exposed and on display. Again. 

“It doesn't matter.”

Her heart beat painfully against the cage of her ribs, but the perfectly chilled cadence of her voice was comfortingly neutral. Half-blind she might be, but a vision was taking shape in her mind. People had wanted her body and others had wanted her talents. Ruby wanted something even more personal; couldn't function without offering it and desiring it. He wanted her honest feelings.

If there had been a Ruby before, maybe she could have given him what he wanted. Maybe the giving would have even been a happy thing. If there had been a Ruby immediately afterwards, maybe her fate would have taken a different path. 

He was moving forward again, dragging her along in his wake; taking control from her without knowing it or meaning too. All Ruby wanted was to keep moving forward and he didn't understand that Sapphire was lost in the past. Her feelings were last things left in her control. If she clutched them to herself so tightly that she strangled them and herself, at least that would be something she had chosen.   
, at least that would be something she had chosen.


	8. Day 12

Sapphire was there but not. Ruby moved in the direction he had chosen, Garnet followed half a step behind, and Sapphire was passively carried along as baggage. The little sheriff had gained the upper hand over her in every way except one and, in the isolated security of her own mind, Sapphire knew that she didn’t have the will to be the force that ended Ruby’s life. If something stopped his desperate pursuit of a happy future, it would not be the cold caress of her dagger across his throat. If she tried, it might well be the good sheriff would surprise her yet again and uncertainty disturbed her far more than the comforting surety of a fate that was already sealed. 

Only once, out of mild curiosity more than concern, did she question his path. The river had split itself in two directions and Ruby has stood indecisively at the crossroads. The sound of her voice had provoked a peevish response. “It doesn’t matter to you, remember?! What do you care what direction we go in?!” She had subsided because it was the truth. The direction of their path had no impact on her fate. The way the unconcealed fear in the sheriff’s eyes belied the harsh tone of his voice had no meaning to her heart. It was easier that way.

Garnet chose in the end, trotting forward along the smaller offshoot and leaving Ruby to scramble after them, squawking indignantly all the way. Yet when he caught up, the sheriff’s grumbling turned to chuckles and he thumped a playful fist on Garnet’s shoulder. Horse and human leaned into each other affectionately and there didn’t appear to be any room left for anything or anyone between them. Sapphire supposed she would have felt rather lonely and left out if she’d allowed herself to feel anything at all. The tightness in her chest wasn’t significant of anything.

It was past midday when the spot appeared on the horizon. It was a dark smudge on the far side of the river, barely distinguishable from the boundless sea of grass that had become their world. At first Sapphire slid a hand beneath her bangs to rub her fingertips against her good eye. When that failed to bring clarity, she pushed the thick curtain of hair aside and squinted against the glare of the sun. Garnet felt the shifting of her rider’s weight and turned obligingly. As the great head swung around, Ruby was dragged along by the reins and was not at all obliged until they too spotted the object of interest. He stood, shading his eyes with a raised hand and muttering to himself, before surprising Sapphire by climbing into the saddle. He’d been avoiding sharing the saddle and Ruby’s shoulders hunched when their bodies jostled together. It took a few moments for the displaced woman to settle and Ruby gave her very little time to adjust her seat before banging his heels against the mare’s broad barrel. 

“Hang on.” Ruby’s warning was terse and gave no hint of his intentions, but the intuition that had saved the outlaw from many dangers warned her to throw aside her usual aversion to touch and wrap both arms around the sheriff’s waist. It was a lucky move because, in response to the tap of reins against her neck and a combined cue from Ruby’s posture and heels, Garnet pivoted neatly on her hind legs and plunged into the river. The scream Sapphire bit back, as she found herself up to her elbows in cold water, was a curse against the universe itself. Was it so much to ask that her life be steady and predictable? Was it really so difficult a request that that ground stay firmly beneath her at all times?!

Her arms reflexively cinched tighter around Ruby’s sturdy frame from the shock of the water and stayed there because of the current that dragged at her now sodden clothing. With Ruby in the saddle, wedged safely between pommel and cantle, Sapphire was forced to sit behind him on the empty saddlebags. Garent’s smooth, rolling gait made it a tolerably easy seat - provided they stayed on dry land. The heavy bulk of Sapphire’s soaked skirts and trousers twisting and billowing around her legs left her with no doubts. If she fell from the saddle, swimming would be impossible and drowning would be slow but inevitable. A lifetime ago, she’d stood at the railing of a steamship and watched more than one lost soul disappear beneath the churning foam. Thick layers of clothing became anchor and chains, lead-heavy and constricting movement. Panic and suffocation would disorient until both the surface and life had passed beyond reach.

Part of the woman recoiled from the body heat she could feel through the clammy jacket that hung from Ruby’s shoulders, but an unexpected fear ruthlessly pushed that aside. Sapphire may have come to peace with the concept of death, but it would seem the reality of dying left her clinging to the only constant that life hadn’t deprived her of. It was humiliating, but what did it matter when the only witness to it already held you in contempt.

Garnet bobbed to the surface, a born athlete swimming as effortlessly as she galloped, but her riders remained partially submerged with the water swirling around and between them. If Sapphire’s silent loss of composure or the unwanted contact disturbed Ruby, he gave no hint of it. Both horse and sheriff kept their eyes fixed on the far shore, always focusing on what was ahead of them. Sapphire closed her eyes. The darkness behind her eyelids stretched on into eternity and the sound of rushing water filled the void. Individual sounds rose and sunk within white noise; that snort was Garnet clearing the water from her nostrils, this grunt was Ruby leaning to counterbalance. There was the dull thud of massive hooves striking the bank and the world tilted sharply. For an instant, one of Ruby’s hands locked over both of her white-knuckled fists, securing her as the drag of water and gravity fought to pull her back down into the embrace of the river. It was the work of seconds for the powerful mare to haul them free but, in that frozen second between one stuttering heartbeat and another, Sapphire surrendered - not to death, but to the desire for life. 

Ironically, in the wake of that admission, as if yielding to one thing paved the way for all else, exhaustion succeeded in overcoming her. A sharp pang in her stomach reminded Sapphire that, without food, her life was already on the brink of ending. Her bangs dripped down her cheeks, plastered in place and obscuring her vision, and the woman could only nod to herself in agreement. Her forehead bumped into Ruby’s shoulder as she inclined it and there was no strength left to sit up. The sheriff didn’t shrug her off. The roar of the water in her ears was replaced by the soft rasp of breath and a heartbeat that matched the steady tempo of the mare’s steps. Lost in the rhythm and dozing, she allowed herself to drift with the current created by Ruby’s determination. 

When Sapphire next became aware of the world, it was because that rhythm faltered. Feeling oddly offended by the loss, she pulled her face from the bird’s nest of curls at the base of Ruby’s neck and plucked a strand from between her cracked lips. She didn’t spit because, even though her damp clothing still stuck to her skin, her mouth was too dry for that. Sapphire tried to lean around the ragged, but defiantly springy cloud of dark hair to see why they’d stopped moving. At least her hair had the decency to lay flat when it was damp. Ruby sat stiffly in front of her, actually leaning … back against her? Or away from what he saw? A firm push between his shoulder blades earned her enough room to swing down from the saddle and to the ground. As usual, her knees came together painfully and slowly after being forced to bend around the draft-mix’s ribs for hours, but only Ruby saw her ungainly attempt to walk. And Ruby didn’t care.

Actually, Ruby wasn’t even looking. When Sapphire glanced up, he was still strangely curled in the saddle, hands and chin drawn in towards his chest and knees rising to meet his elbows. His eyes were averted from the pathetic object they had crossed a river to find. Stepping around Garnet to examine the wagon more closely, Sapphire had to agree that it didn’t seem worth looking at. It was a prairie schooner, but the days when it’s paint was fresh and it’s journey just begun were long past. Time had rotted the oiled canvas away and exposed the bows to the sky like bleached and broken ribs. The wagon bed lay unevenly in the dirt. Sapphire stepped over one of the discarded wheels as she cautiously circled the perimeter, looking for any sign of something useful. Cloth and provisions wouldn't remain, but perhaps she could find something else. 

There was a crunching of grass as Ruby moved to join her; or so Sapphire assumed until he busied himself with something on the ground. Her curiosity was piqued by the tender way he parted the grass and the apparent grief it caused the little sheriff. Certainly the wagon was a disappointing discovery, but nothing to warrant the look of abject misery Ruby favored her with when he looked up and waved for her to come over. At first, she didn’t even understand what she was looking at or why three rocks were of any significance, yet Ruby’s desperate stare convinced her there must be something there. Sapphire relented under that pressure and raked her bangs back from her good eye, beginning to feel a little desperate herself as she bent low to the ground. It was faded by time, but a crude “X” had been scratched into the surface of each stone. Crosses. They were standing on graves.

A shrug was clearly not the response Ruby had been looking for, because he recoiled as if he'd been struck. She returned Ruby’s accusing look with cold disdain. This person had relentlessly driven her over cliffs, across prairies, and through a river. He had bullied her into drinking and sleeping and moving forward when she'd been willing to lay down and die quietly. Now that she had found her own will to live, he was going to balk over a moral technicality and betray her for the dead? It wasn’t necessary, but she felt mollified when, in turning around, her elbow found a tender spot between his ribs and Ruby was compelled to jump even further out of her way. 

“What are you doing!?”

That yelp was fairly satisfying as well. The undertone of pain and reproach perfectly echoed the feelings he’d inflicted on her. Ruby wrapped both arms protectively around his chest and glared … from a safe distance. If he wanted to act like she was the one behaving treacherously, then fine. He could stand aside, because Sapphire wasn’t having any part of such nonsense. 

“I’m going to search the wagon for anything useful.” Sapphire didn't bother facing him as she added vindictively, “The dead don't care and the living have no choice except to care.”

“Care?!" 

Sapphire couldn’t see Ruby, but she was so familiar with his temperament that she could easily imagine what followed that ear-splitting shout. His cheeks would be blotched red with rage and his hectic body language would fill in any excess emotion that words failed to express. 

"You don't care about anything! Do you feel anything at all?!” 

The sheriff’s voice rose and fell in pitch and volume, but never ebbed in raw emotional strength. Objectively, Sapphire wondered what it must be to feel with that degree of intensity at all times. It really was a wonder that Ruby hadn’t burned himself out by now. Those abstract thoughts helped smother feelings that might rival the strength of Ruby’s if she let them exist. 

“These were humans beings with lives and hopes. They left home with a dream of a better life and died before they found it! I can’t benefit from that!” 

She'd had dreams once too. Her hopes had died and rotted away even longer ago than these settlers. No one had cared. There had been no Ruby to grieve for the injustice or lament her fate, yet he would appeal to her to give to strangers in death what she had never received in life? The crunching of grass suggested Ruby had started pacing and, judging by the pronounced thud of each footfall, stomping. Sapphire tested the strength of the wagon’s floorboards with one foot before trusting them with her full weight. The wood groaned under her boots, as if agreeing with Ruby that her choices were deplorable.

Sapphire ran a gloved hand over the water stained remains of a wooden cupboard and traced the ghosts of flowers that had been painted on the sides. She opened the top drawer and shifted through the mouldering contents, but a shudder still worked it’s way down her spine as small insects crawled out of what must have once been a christening gown. The yellowed silk and lace fell apart like cobwebs and the stench of decay forced her to hold her breath to avoid gagging. Unclean. She closed that drawer, shook off her stained white riding gloves, and moved on to the next. 

That smell and disquiet clung to her; intangible and intolerable. Between the cupboard and a splintering crate, there was room for her to squeeze between and lean against the wagon wall. Clean air offered a small reprieve and Sapphire steadied herself against the edge to answer her accusers as succinctly as possible, “Their struggle is over - ours isn't.” 

She coughed and let her head hang low, deliberately letting her hair hide her from a world that didn’t care and a companion who couldn’t understand. The silence that followed her declaration was worse than the yelling. Only the wind ruffling her hair and bending the grass in gentle ripples could be heard. There was no chirp of crickets or the soft sounds of the little birds that lived hidden beneath the abundant grass like fish in the ocean. It was irrational, but a chill of fear worked it’s way through her veins until she couldn’t feel the warmth of the bright afternoon sun. It was too quiet for Ruby to still be there. He’d left and she, blindly, had never realized she was forsaken. Very slowly, she looked up from under the shadow of her bangs. 

Ruby stood where she’d left him, clutching his hat to his chest and watching her. Except for the slight moment of one thumb stroking the red ribbon that served as a hatband, she’d never seen him so still. The sheriff was uncharacteristically reticent when, realizing he had her attention, he said, “I thought you gave up.” 

“I thought you wouldn't give up.” 

The conversation was closed by Sapphire turning away and kneeling down to pry open a wooden chest. She couldn’t see Ruby’s expression, but neither could he see the damnable trembling at the corners of her mouth. Dust and mortification made every breath a choking misery. She could almost feel the weight of Ruby’s eyes on her and it kept her head down below the rim of the wagon. The rusted lock snapped on the second twist and the withered contents were exposed to the light of day. It was the reek of old decay, dry and overpowering, that made her eyes burn and water as she pushed aside worm-eaten linens. A book, it’s cover more mold than leather, fell out of the folds and she picked it up. The words were lost to time, but it appeared to have been a personal journal. A scrap of ribbon between brittle pages marked where the story had ended. It was set back in it’s grave and the lid replaced firmly despite the shaking of her hands. A person’s private feelings were not for the eyes of others.

If Ruby was observant enough to notice her blindness, then he might have the sense to know she didn’t want to be seen. She didn’t test the theory and moved on to a small box wedged into the corner. The copper case was oxidized a sickly green but the metal was sturdy and she knew exactly what it was: a tinderbox. Inside it was firesteel and flint in serviceable condition, even if the tinder and sulfur matches were ruined. They had nothing to cook, but Sapphire was seized with the urge to have just one familiar thing. She was wet and she deserved a warm fire to dry by. 

As it turned out, Sapphire didn’t have to decide how to leave the wagon with her dignity intact. The rapping of knuckles on wood called her attention to where Ruby waited beside the only easy exit. If the tight press of objects inside the wreckage had stirred feelings of claustrophobia in her heart, then the sheriff standing between her and the only way out was not to be endured, yet he retreated from the opening at the back of the wagon to moment she approached. One of his hands was still upraised, frozen in the act of knocking. 

“Yes?” Sapphire funneled every last bit of energy she had left into that one little word, willing Ruby to believe in the deadly chill of her tone. He had knocked and the host was not going to wish him welcome. She folded her arms and tapped one boot for full dramatic effect. 

Ruby’s eyes darted in every direction except her face as he visibly swallowed and tried to organize his words. “Hey...uh…I just...well…”, he stammered and twisted his hat between his hands. Sapphire continued tapping her boot and repressed the absurdly childish urges that Ruby always seemed to inspire. It would be nice to have a door, just to close it in his face. Or she could ask if he’d come to court the pretty girl next door and wanted to ask her to a dance. He was nearly doing a jig in agitation already. “Sapphire… what I’m trying to say is...I.. what is that?”

These rapid shifts of focus were difficult for Sapphire to follow, so Ruby’s fingertips were almost touching the copper tinderbox tucked into her elbow by the time she grasped why his expression had brightened with curiosity. There was no door, but the flat of her palm smacking into his face and shoving back had a satisfyingly similar effect. Ruby dug in his heels and grabbed for her wrist, diverted from his goal by the need for self-defense. Even then, the hands that closed on her wrist didn't twist and squeeze painfully. He firmly pulled downward and away until Sapphire, of her own accord, let her arm fall to her side. Her glove had left a grimy smear on Ruby’s nose. 

The sheriff grumbled and rubbed at his face until he’d transferred the stain to his jacket sleeve. Mostly. With both arms held up defensively between them, Ruby asked, “Hey, what was that for?! I wasn't going to take it from you.” Sapphire declined to answer, instead tapping her nose to let him know he’d missed a spot. Ruby scrubbed more vigorously the second time around and glowered at her from over his forearm. His voice was muffled by the heavy cloth, but clearly grouchy when he added, “What are you going to do with it anyway?”

“I'm wet and I’m going to make a fire.” Even as she said it, straight faced and resolute, Sapphire realized she wasn't certain how to accomplish it. Ruby bit his bottom lip, as if physically stopping his next words, and his dark eyes fixed on her with the expression she had come to hate most. One thing Sapphire had come to understand was that Ruby’s mind wandered continuously until it fixated on something. Having found that focal point, he had the capacity to bring an unnerving amount of attention and willpower against it. Against her. Had the dismay she felt somehow shown in her face and he had caught even that small weakness? Again. Again he striped away the safety of letting people see and believe only what she wanted them to. Resentment burned deep in her gut, but it couldn’t warm her. 

“What now? Do you have any moral objections to _that_?”

The sun and moon crossed paths more frequently than Sapphire’s expectations of Ruby aligned with his actions. Instead of pushing back or verbally lashing out, Ruby’s arms lowered and his posture relaxed. Although his body shifted, angling away to present the least possible target, Ruby stretched out his uninjured hand with the palm up. 

“I'll do it.” The moment the quiet words left Ruby’s mouth, she reflexively hugged the tinderbox closer, but he didn't move any closer or snatch at it. When she hesitated, his fingers closed on empty air and opened wide again, repeating his request wordlessly. Slowly she held up the box, letting the sunlight graze across the copper surface while still keeping it out of reach. Dull fire shone beneath the green oxidation for a moment before a cloud passed over the sun and extinguished it. It would be easy to give in and reach the last few inches. It would be practical to yield. She couldn’t make the fire herself. Sapphire licked her dry lips, taking a deep breath before nodding. 

“Why?”

The encouraging smile faltered and fell from Ruby’s face at the harshly spoken question. There was no rational reason to be stubborn, except one. The question that itched at her worse than her dirty hair and clothing and prevented any real peace of mind. Motive. There had to be some understandable motive for the little sheriff’s actions and, once she knew that, she could end this perpetual free-fall into the disturbing unknown. 

His shoulders rose and fell, sighing heavily, and Ruby’s gaze dropped to his boots, but his outstretched hand never wavered. Without glancing back up, he mumbled, “Maybe I just want to be able to do something right. And I know I can do this.” 

When Sapphire nodded this time, it was sympathetic and she did press the box into Ruby’s hand. He offered a halfhearted smile in return, but his eyes never rose any higher than her knees and he was quick to turn away. It didn’t matter, because he’d given her what she wanted: a comprehensible motive and a method of sparing her pride. Now she could magnanimously do Ruby a favor by letting him build a fire, rather than having to beg a favor of him. 

Ruby’s wandering took him to a sparse place in the grass, where he dropped to his knees and began tearing up the vegetation by the roots. Fresh green and aging gold flew through the air and Garnet ambled over to sample the best bits. Behind that came handfuls of the crumbling brown remains of previous years’ growth. The scent of bruised grass and overturned soil wafted in her direction, carried by the faint breeze. It must have been a stronger wind higher up, because the clouds chased each other across the blue expanse and mottled the earth below in a shifting patchwork of shadow and light. 

The sun touched their little patch of prairie with warmth when Ruby paused in his industrious clearing and sat back on his heels. The way he turned to peek over his shoulder, slow and inconspicuous, suggested hesitance, but the toothy grin was anything but shy. “I also figured we’d survived too long to end our lives like a pair of broiled prairie hens right here. Something about getting to heaven by way of the inferno just doesn’t do it for me. ” 

Sapphire tensed at the teasing words, hearing the underlying acknowledgement of what they both knew. She hadn’t even thought of clearing the ground. The one prairie fire she’d seen had been at a distance, but the leaping flames and roiling smoke, the screams of humans and animals as the blaze devoured everything in it’s path, had been the very picture of the hellfire that she’d long ago heard preached about. The eternal fires she’d been told existed to consume sinners, murderers, long before that child could have dreamed she’d become a killer. But the dark vision passed like the clouds, sunlight to shadow and back again, because the sun was bright and so was Ruby’s laughter. The look in his eyes begged her, pulled at her until she had to return to reality. What did he want now?

Garnet ruined any remaining dignity Ruby had by nibbling a stray black-eyed susan caught in his curls. It wasn’t much of a loss and he flopped back into the grass with his arms spread wide, embracing the absurdity. His faithful mare followed, blowing into his face like she was voicing an opinion. She likely was. The tight frown on Sapphire’s lips somehow twisted into a slight smile. The expression felt odd, but the tightness in her chest had loosened. 

Her smile, tepid as it was, must have been what Ruby wanted, because he looked pleased and patted the grass beside him. A friendly invitation, no doubt, but she shook her head and pointed to the tinderbox. There was still daylight left and something Ruby needed to do, beyond wallowing in wildflowers and his little victory. 

By the time the setting sun was painting the horizon in blazing shades of red and orange, they’d kindled a little blaze of their own. The little sheriff had torn and trampled a spot just big enough for a decent fire and shown her how to carefully stack the wood she’d salvaged. He’d still refused to have anything to do with the wagon, but he’d broken down the larger pieces she’d dropped at his feet. Sapphire hadn’t minded, because the single-minded stain of cracking apart the dresser left her too exhausted to struggle with less physical concerns and the crackling fire drove back the gathering shadows and worries. 

The first stars were beginning to shine overhead when a soft weight dropped onto her shoulder. The curls that tickled her cheek told her what and the soft, rasping snore explained why. It would have been easy to push him off, but the fire only warmed her from the front and Ruby covered some of the rest. Garnet’s bulk settling behind her and curving along the other side completed the cocoon. Sapphire felt a nibble at her own hair, gold as the prairie grass but less interesting to a horse, before the mare’s nose wedged itself into the crook of her shoulder and settled under her chin. When her hand found a nice place along Garnet’s jaw, the horse sighed a breath of summer flowers and leaned into her until she could recline back against the muscular neck. Morning would come soon enough, but for now, with Ruby deeply asleep and Garnet keeping her own silent counsel, Sapphire could relax and be part of something.


	9. Day 12 [Ruby's Side]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a first person narrative, you find the truth only as the individual character sees it. You must work around their biases and their blind spots. A story seen from a different perspective may be another story entirely. This is Ruby's side of the story.

It really was a pretty day. Yes, they were hungry and their feet hurt, but they’d been hungry and tired before. Ruby lifted their face to the warm sunshine and grinned up at the sky. Here and there were puffy little clouds, but the blue expanse above them was clear. Light danced and reflected off the running river, pulling their gaze down to the prairie. It was nearly high summer. The season had gilded the grass gold and splashed the thick grass with a patchwork of vibrant color in the form of wildflowers.

Turning to meet the soft brown eyes of their mare, Ruby reached out and dragged their fingernails along the length of her jaw before scratching under her whiskery chin. Garnet bobbed her head in reply and lipped at their fingers. Ruby leaned into her neck to breathe in the familiar scent of horse, rubbing cheek to fur to enjoy the feeling and the camaraderie. It wasn’t hard to walk like this, resting against Garnet’s strength with the reins held loosely in their good hand. They stumbled over a rock and kept going, humming the tune of a song they’d forgotten the words to. 

Time passed slowly, but the weather was good and Ruby knew plenty of songs. Mostly. Knowing the words would have been nice, but the feelings were the most important part and they were good at remembering melodies and harmonies. The river made a cheerful sort of background music and Ruby wished they had a fishing hook. How did the saying go? If wishes were fishes? Something like that. Running off without packing Garnet’s saddlebags hadn’t been one of their best ideas, but they did catch Lady Masque. More or less. The Lady herself was being very quiet, but that wasn’t new and the silence was better than what she usually had to say. Except it wasn’t. Ruby loved Garnet, but they needed the company of other human beings too. They had never been alone before. 

Ruby stooped down and uprooted a lone dandelion. A deep breath and a puff of air blew away the tension and the downy white fluff, which is why they were thinking of wishes when Garnet turned her head and almost sent them sprawling under her forehooves. “Garnet!” They yelped and flailed for balance. The moment Ruby found it, they swatted the horse’s shoulder and added an irritated, “you could have warned me!” They were ignored. Pulling the reins was pointless, in a tug-of-war the draft horse mix would win every time, so Ruby followed her lead and looked across the river.  
On the horizon, there was a dark spot on the otherwise bare prairie. Ruby stepped around Garnet and brought a hand up to their forehead, squinting under it’s shadow into the distance. When that didn’t help, they patted Garnet’s cheek in thanks. “What do you think, girl?” Ruby mumbled under their breath, speaking more to organize their thoughts than to be heard. “What is that?”

Ruby didn’t know what it was, but it was worth finding out. The river flowed before them and the current was strong, but Garnet was stronger. It was the work of minutes to tap Sapphire’s boot out of the stirrup and pull themselves up into the saddle without taking their eyes from the goal. They studied the bank while Sapphire settled behind them, leaning away to give her the space she was always demanding. Distracted, they called over their shoulder to “Hold on.” 

One is heel back and turned in against the mare’s ribs as a pivot point and other is held firm and neutral. The inner rein guides the turn and the shift of weight emphasizes, prompts. Ruby loves feeling the coiled power as Garnet’s muscles bunch and flex. The mare turned smoothly on her haunches, powerful and yet not without grace. She sunk back on her heels for a heartbeat and lunged forward when Ruby’s heels and their forward lean told her to GO. More than 2,000 lbs of horse defied gravity for a few thrilling moments before splashing down into the river with enough force to throw the water high into the air. It rained down on the heads in a shower of reflecting light and cold, fat drops of water as the river rushed to wrap around the group. 

But the cold of the water didn’t shock Ruby half as much as the slender arms that had forced their way under their own and wrapped around their ribs. Sapphire’s hands twisted so tightly in their shirtfront that they felt the scrape and pinch of her fingernails on their skin. Even when Ruby had vaulted over the ravine's edge after Sapphire, reflex prompting them to SAVE HER, she had never reached out to them. It was always them reaching out and being bitten for their trouble. Yet here they were, with not an inch of daylight between them, and she had done it herself.

They'd tried to understand, but everything with Sapphire was a puzzle and their brain was tired of trying to force the pieces together. The closest they’d come to understanding was not flattering and Ruby knew better than to openly make the comparison. Pa used to take in stray animals. They’d been fearful, snarling creatures made of skin and fur stretched tight over bones and they'd bared their fangs when Ruby came too close. Abuse and neglect had made them suspicious, even of the food they desperately craved, because they were always waiting for the hand that fed them to become the hand that dealt harm. Sapphire seemed to always be waiting for the hit to land.

Those animals had been starved for food and vicious from pain. Ruby knew they were both starving too, but humans needed more than just the things that would kept their bodies alive. Humans could feel pain from injuries that didn’t bleed. What had this woman been deprived of, what pain had been inflicted, that she couldn’t recognize or trust kindness? It was so hard to be kind and keep that in mind. It was so damn hard, because they were tired and they were craving comfort and human company as much or even more than food, but they had a feeling Sapphire had been starving for far longer. It had made them sad to see those filthy animals, trembling in the grip of a fear so intense that it had become mindless rage, die because they refused to eat. It made them sad to see a human reduced, by blind paranoia and hate, to the point of self destruction.

Except Sapphire was pressed so close now that they could feel her heart hammering against their back. They’d once saved a bird from a cat and the rapid rise and fall of it’s narrow chest reminded them of the way Sapphire was shuddering behind them. It had been scared to death and so was she. The bird had died in the cradle of their palm. A sudden lurch shook them into awareness and Ruby became aware of a very strong backward drag. Sapphire’s clothes, all the heavy layers, were drenched and weighing her down enough that the current was pulling her from the saddle. The hair on the back of their neck would have stood on end if Sapphire’s lips weren’t flattening them. Her breath hissed against their skin and choked off. 

When they’d made up their mind to cross the river, Ruby honestly hadn’t thought of how dangerous that choice might be to Sapphire. They’d spotted something on the horizon and had rushed towards it. Ruby had total faith in Garnet’s strength and their ability to cross safely. The feeling of that prideful, fiercely independent human being clutching at them was painful. They’d made a mistake. Shame for their carelessness rose in their throat and choked them, but they had to focus on the far shore. Even more shameful than carelessness, was the feeling of relief. 

How many times a day had they wrapped both arms around themselves, aching for some sort of human contact? Sapphire was afraid? RUBY was afraid! They were afraid and the only other person with them refused to act like a reasonable human being! She wouldn’t cooperate. She wouldn’t talk. She wouldn’t give them anything they could really understand or work with. But Ruby understood fear and they understood need. They understood the human that clung to them in the cold, rushing current and hid her face in the nap of their neck. Memories of a dog that had finally approached them, only to sink it’s teeth into their arm when the child had pressed their luck by patting its head, stopped them from stroking her fingers. 

The river wasn’t that broad and Garnet wasn’t swimming against the current. Reaching the other shore didn’t take long, but it must have been too long for Sapphire. When Garnet’s hooves dug into the riverbed and began heaving them onto shore, Ruby’s relief turn to panic.Sapphire pitched backward and nearly unseated them both. She was still partly in the water and the heavy drag of her wet dress weighed her down into the river like an anchor. A thin whine came from behind them, so faint Ruby didn’t know how they heard it and so full of terror that it was like a knife in the heart. 

Ruby didn’t think, they acted. To keep them both in the saddle, Ruby was forced to loop the reins around one hand and grip the saddle horn, freeing up the other hand to lock tightly around fingers that felt too fragile, that trembled too hard, to belong to a cold-blooded killer. Pain flared and burned in their injured palm, but it was worth it to hold someone’s hand again. Just one of their broad palms covered both her clasped hands and the warmth of their skin soon drove the chill from hers. Ruby would hold onto Sapphire and their own hopes as long as they could.

It was going to be a day of surprises, apparently, because Sapphire didn’t pull away once they were securely on dry land. Instead, when her hands loosened from their knot at Ruby’s sternum, it was only to drape around their hips. Her entire posture shifted from it’s normal rigidity, until the woman was slumped against their back. Warm. Her breath was warm on the back of their shoulder and her forehead settled on the nap of their neck peacefully. A small voice warned that this wouldn’t last and was ignored. Later would come later. Right now, Ruby could let their mare amble in the direction of the distant mystery and enjoy the reassuring feeling of being embraced. 

They were used to being surrounded by people and laughter. They were used to being touched and held. If it wasn’t for Garnet’s affection and presence, Ruby might have given up after the first few days. It was too hard shouldering the weight of getting them all home alive alone. It wasn’t just the responsibility, it was the infuriating and demoralizing understanding that Sapphire would sit back and watch them both die. She’d probably enjoy it, just to see Ruby fail. That kind of self-destructive spite confounded the little sheriff and it had been rubbed in their face at every turn. 

When Sapphire’s breathing evened out, Ruby layered their arms over hers. It would keep the sleeping rider from shifting too far to the side and falling, but it also subtly increased the pressure. The little voice in their mind sounded a little too much like Sapphire when it called them pathetic and they resisted the urge to shake the thought from their mind physically. Shaking their head would wake both dreamers and only one had the excuse of being asleep. 

Between the summer sun above, the soft weight and body heat of Sapphire at their back, and the gentle rocking of Garnet’s gait, Ruby was almost dozing off too. They blinked, but it made the blur of their vision worse. The points of Garnet’s ears seemed too out of focus, too distant, but Ruby wasn’t afraid. Their chin drooped towards their chest. Safe. They’d gotten away from the river safely and it was warm again. Garnet sighed, long and deeply, and Ruby hummed their agreement. The slow four beat count of her hooves on the ground was a rhythm Ruby’s heart followed into sleep. Garnet would take them where they needed to go, with or without their instructions. 

Prairie melted away into memory, the patches of wildflowers so much like the quilts on their childhood bed. They’d wake up to their Pa yelling up the stairs that if little tumbleweeds didn’t tumble down to breakfast, he’d eat it all up. They’d be wrapped in the scent and touch of a cotton cocoon and, as if the thought made it real, they would smell the frying eggs and oatmeal. Ruby’s stomach growled, empty, too empty, but they smiled. Peace. If they asked nicely, maybe Pa would add molasses. And butter.

But they were so hungry. The hunger was a sharp twist inside that woke them from dreams and, blinking groggily, Ruby faced reality and recoiled from it. What had looked interesting from a distance was a nightmare; one Ruby couldn’t wake up from. Garnet had stopped several feet from the faded remains of a prairie schooner. It lay on its axles in the dirt and the only thing left of its canvas cover was a few scraps of fabric still clinging to the cracked bows. Ruby had seen many wagons pass through the town they grew up in and each had held human lives and human hopes packed carefully among the baskets and boxes. Some came seeking adventure and discovery. Others were searching for a new home and a new life, like Ruby had. All were eager to find their place in the world. This poor wagon, these poor souls, had found a place. It was in the middle of nowhere. It was an ending that had come before the beginning. 

The clouds weren’t so far away now. They crowded around the sun and Ruby shivered in the dimming light. This was something they’d been avoiding. Ruby hadn’t wanted to consider the possibility of not getting home, so they hadn’t. Garnet was stone still beneath them, moving only to turn an ear in their direction. Sapphire groaned softly into their neck and curled closer. Ruby leaned even further back into the warmth caught between their bodies, until a rough shove between their shoulders took that hope as well. Sapphire pushed until Ruby was forced forward in the saddle, closer to the wagon. Without thinking about it, Ruby dropped the reins. They pulled their hands and elbows back, bowing inward in mute protest. NO. Their knees came up and the tops of their thighs met their gut. Ruby scrunched themselves as small as possible, but Sapphire had stopped pushing.

She slid from the saddle and hit the ground boots first. From the corner of their eye, Ruby saw her stagger and pull herself stiffly upright. Sapphire didn’t even look at them as she marched past and Garnet wasn’t going to take another step. The little sheriff was familiar enough with stubborn women, human or animal, to know talking was useless. These women were especially stubborn and that thought was oddly comforting as Ruby gathered their nerve. By the time they stood on their own feet, Ruby felt a little better. Wagons break down, but if it had been a wagon train then people wouldn’t be left behind. The was no path worn to indicate it had been major trail, but maybe. Maybe. They kept their eyes on the ground and their back to the wagon. 

Ruby was gentle and methodical in their search. They bent down to the grass they’d been cheerfully flattening on the other side of the river and parted the blade without breaking them. The tickle of the grass was pleasant on their hands and they hummed softly, tunelessly, as they worked. Ruby had almost relaxed when they found the stones. Time had settled the mounds back into the earth and grass had grown over them. The roughly etched crosses on the evenly spaced stones were worn nearly away, but the meaning was still clear. One, two, three. It could be me. Ruby counted and choked back a hysterical laugh at their accidental rhyme. They swallowed again and this time it tasted of bile instead of laughter that wasn’t laughter. 

When they looked up, Sapphire was watching. Ruby feared they might throw up if they unclenched their teeth, so they waved her over. By some small miracle, she actually came without argument and peered down at the graves. Her silence seemed respectful, so Ruby also bowed their head. There were no dates or names. The stones were such small things. Small markers to show something as big as a life had ended and even those markers been forgotten in the dust. They wouldn’t even have that if they died here and their Pa would never know what happened. Except he would know somewhere, somehow, his child must be dead, because nothing short of death would stop Ruby from going home - and it might. It was possible and the proof was so close that Ruby could have touched it. 

The silence changed. Or maybe it hadn’t and Ruby had just misunderstood it from the beginning. They could feel her staring and, when they looked up, her mask had slipped. Confusion. That was all they could see, written plainly on the normally blank slate of her face. Sapphire’s movements were normally fluid, but there was nothing graceful in the faltering way she half turned back to the graves and jerked her head back up again. How she could miss the obvious was beyond Ruby, but it was equally obvious she was trying. Ruby thought back on sitting in an empty schoolhouse, barely tall enough to see over the desk and knowing the rest of the class had been dismissed. They’d been desperate, because everyone else had answered the test questions easily and nothing was clear to them. That was the desperation Ruby saw when Sapphire brushed the hair away from her right eye and tried again. After a few moments, her posture relaxed. Sapphire’s lips parted as the breath she’d been holding was released. 

She shrugged. It was nothing more than a small rise and fall of shoulder, but it hit Ruby so hard that they nearly went to their knees. Of course she didn’t care. Of course. What a fool Ruby had been, assuming that Lady Masque would care about human life. The woman who was glaring with such intensity at them, her one visible eye as pale and cold as a winter sky, was a murderer. Fear breathed ice down their spine. The memory of her lips at their neck, the sleeping weight of her body against their own, were suddenly more disgusting that Ruby could really handle and they retreated before her steady advance. How many people had died with her lips on theirs, their bodies wrapped around each other in a mockery of intimacy. It must have been a sign of their stupidity, because it felt like the first time that Ruby truly saw the killer that they’d somehow mistaken for human. 

They were already edging out of her way, but not fast enough to avoid getting an elbow in their ribs and yelping like a whipped dog. The pain was sharp, burning, and that was good. It shattered the icy paralysis and the fear. Ruby seized the pain like a lifeline and felt heat rise in their cheeks. “What are you doing?!” they snapped, shaken but finding strength in their rising outrage against Sapphire’s abuse. They crossed their arms defensively when Sapphire raised her arm again and stood back. It was like watching the slow movements of a coiled snake and waiting to see if it would strike, except that snakes don’t bite out of malice. 

Sapphire turned away like they were a target unworthy of her attention and walked away. No. she walked towards the wagon. They were feeling confused and a little silly, holding their arms up against someone who was ignoring them, until Sapphire reminded them that a snake moves like lightning and can strike from a distance. Ruby flinched back from the bite when she said, heartlessly, “I’m going to search the wagon for anything useful.” They were still trying to wrap their mind around the addition of grave robbing to her list of crimes when she added, “The dead don't care and the living have no choice except to care.”

The satisfaction in her tone, the realization that she was enjoying the pain her venomous words caused, was the end of Ruby’s patience. “Care?! You don’t care about anything!” They were screaming, voice cracking painfully. It usually embarrassed them, but what was humiliation anymore? What did it even matter what this horror in human skin thought of them?! This creature who killed without mercy and abused them without remorse.What had Ruby done to deserve this, except try to help a miserable excuse of a woman survive and be considerate towards someone who didn’t deserve it? What a sin! Shame on Ruby for trying to do the right thing!

“Do you feel anything at all?!” They threw wide their arms to encompass the entire world and knew the answer. Sapphire didn’t care that some unlucky group of people had died a lonely and frightening death any more than she cared if Ruby met the same fate. She didn’t care that she’d stood on their graves or that she was robbing them of what little remained. She didn’t care that she was robbing Ruby of what little they had left. Sapphire had spent the last several years living off murder and robbing the dead. Of course she didn’t think twice about benefitting from the suffering of others. 

“These were humans beings with lives and hopes.” They were almost sobbing now, speaking in a low groan and doubling over. Ruby was a human being with a life too, which Sapphire was ruining.Their fingers dug into the wild curls at their temples because it was something to hold on to. Tears stung the corners of their eyes and Ruby raked their fingernails down from hairline to chin; one pain to drive away another. Ruby’s cheeks were burning and reddened anyway. “They left home with a dream of a better life and died before they found it!” Ruby had left home with a dream and they’d be damned if they died before achieving it. They swallowed, trying to speak, but their throat was dry and raw from screaming. Ruby found the strength to do it anyway. “I can’t benefit from that!” 

The only answer they were given was the sound of the wind in the grass. Sapphire didn’t turn back and Ruby wouldn’t move closer. Frustration drove the sheriff into motion, growling and pacing like a dog at the end of an invisible leash. They kept their head turned away, but the groaning of wood spoke clearly to what Sapphire was doing. Ruby stomped harder, the shock traveling up from blistered heels to aching knees until they could have cried from the pain. Except Ruby was already crying from a different pain. They ground the heel of their palm against one wet eye and sniffed. Snot and tears were starting to drip off their chin. Some brave sheriff they’d turned out to be. 

Slowly, Ruby sank onto their heels and hugged their knees to their chest. The spot wasn’t the best, because they could see the stones and everything they meant. Failure was possible. Death. Death was possible. Ruby was frightened and so very, very alone in the middle of nowhere with no ally but a heartless killer. A sob was clawing it’s way free of their throat when warm breath tickled their cheek. Garnet snuffled and nudged her way under their mop of curls, nuzzling at Ruby until they were looking up into deep brown eyes fringed by thick lashes. They leaned into the velvety touch, soft in the way that only a horse’s muzzle was soft, and let her lip at their cheeks and nose until a watery smile formed on their lips. Not alone. 

They let the mare baby them for a few minutes before cupping her muzzle between both palms. Ruby gently pushed Garnet’s head back enough to plant a smooch on her nose before they stood up and dried their eyes. They couldn’t hold back a sigh when they looked again at the graves. It still grieved Ruby to know there had been no happy ending for these people, but the overwhelming fear and grief had been washed away with the tears. They were lost, but they’d figure out the path as they went and they’d believe that path would end well. Right now, the biggest obstacle was their little would-be graverobber and what to do about her.  
It was hard to see what Sapphire was up to in the wagon, because the high sides and cargo shielded her from view, but it sounded like she was rummaging around. Ruby caught a little glimpse of her hair between the bows before she ducked down again. They glanced at Garnet, but she’d wandered a short distance away to a thicker patch of grass to continue browsing. Practical. Maybe in the same way Sapphire was trying to be practical? Ruby turned the thought over in their mind while their eyes remained locked on the wagon. Finally, there was she was again, leaning over the side. 

“Their struggle is over - ours isn't.” 

Sapphire’s voice was raspy and low, sounding as raw as Ruby felt, but that wasn’t why they could only stand there in confusion. They heard what she said just fine, but it made no sense. She coughed and doubled over the sideboards until all they could see was the tangled mass of her blonde hair. She was trying? Like Garnet, who had been practical enough to eat and rest when she had a chance, was this Sapphire’s attempt to be practical and make the best of what they’d found? But she’d shown no emotion towards the people whose lives had ended and whose possessions she was rifling through. She’d shown no sympathy to their own feelings. Since when did Sapphire even care about anything, including her own life? She hadn’t done the first thing to help since they’d first shook hands at the top of that cliff and agreed to work together until they got home. 

The wind whistled through the loose boards and across the grass. The gold strands of hair were swept along with it too, until the curtain fell back into place over Sapphire’s face. Overhead the clouds chased each other, too far above it all to care that they were blocking the light. Ruby took their hat off and squashed it to their chest, giving themselves something to hold onto. They absently rubbed a thumb along the hatband as they tried to organize their thoughts, but nothing was adding up and Sapphire was looking at them again. Uncertain, but unable to bear the silence any longer, Ruby whispered, “I thought you gave up.” 

Sapphire flinched. It was so slight that Ruby almost doubted their eyesight, but the mask fell away completely for just one moment. Vulnerability stared out at them from an eye wide and clouded by pain. Her mouth twisted like she'd bitten into a lemon and Sapphire spat the words out like she couldn't get the taste off her tongue fast enough. “I thought you wouldn't give up.” Then she was gone, turning away and retreating out of sight. 

She thought they wouldn’t give up. Ruby grabbed onto that phrase and pulled it apart like a tangled ball of yarn. They'd hated knitting and didn’t have the patience for sitting around unraveling complex knots, but they were doing it anyway now. Ruby realized one of their hands was reaching up to tug at their hair and wrapped it around their hat instead. She thought they wouldn’t give up? They played with the thought, studying it from all sides. Did that mean she had trusted them? Sapphire had trusted Ruby to keep going and now she thought they’d given up? She thought she was the one trying, alone, to survive? The thought ignited a simmering sort of resentment in their gut, but their feet moved forward.  
One step followed the next until Ruby stood at the back of the prairie schooner, peering into the gloom. Sapphire knelt at the foot of a wooden chest, a book held in her shaking hands and the way she brushed her fingertips across the crumbling pages seemed tender. A scrap of ribbon fell into her lap and she tucked it between the pages before laying it back in the box. Even the way she closed the lid was gentle, showing a level of caring that left Ruby dumbfounded and wondering what they’d missed. Did she care after all? Sapphire crawled further into the shadows, reaching for something they couldn’t see. 

Why Ruby knocked on the wagon wall like it was a front door, they really couldn’t say. They blamed their Pa’s insistence on politeness and knocked again. Sapphire turned towards them and they could make out something in her hands, but the shadows were too deep. It was a little embarrassing when Ruby realized they’d stopped with one hand still lifted to knock, but then all thought stuttered to a halt when they found Sapphire suddenly much too close for comfort. There was no trace of vulnerability in her expression when she leaned in and hissed, “Yes?” 

They heard the threatening tone more than the word itself and backed up. She was folding her arms and tapping her foot now, glaring down at them with a cold intensity that should have chilled their blood. Instead, it was somehow just as funny as frightening. The look in her eyes was scorn, but the taping boot and folded arms was pure, sulky child. The image of a tiny Sapphire dressed blue and white checkered gingham, hair tied in double braids and a rag doll in her arms came to mind. Ruby couldn’t look at her pinched expression without cracking up, so they looked everywhere else. Someone didn't want to share her toys and probably needed a nap. Hysteria that tasted like laughter and panic filled their mouth and Ruby knew they were babbling, but they couldn’t focus. Then they noticed the metal box wedged into the bend of Sapphire’s elbow.

“What is that?” Ruby grabbed at the topic and, unfortunately, at the box. There was that flinch. They had enough time to see it and wonder, again, who had hurt Sapphire so much that she expected unprovoked attacks, before her hand smacked over their face. It didn’t exactly hurt. Well, yes, it did because Sapphire was flattening their nose and her leather gloves smelled rank, but she didn’t have half their strength. Overpowering her would have been sickeningly easy. It was with that thought in mind that Ruby braced their feet and firmly gripped her wrist.

They only used enough pressure to move her hand away and let go the moment they could feel her give in, but Ruby’s arms stayed up and crossed between them. Sapphire might be weaker, but they’d be damned if they let her keep hitting them in the face. The stink remained and Ruby scrubbed their forearm at what felt like a smear of grime across their nose. The clothes were already ruined, so one more stain didn’t matter. “Hey, what was that for?! I wasn't going to take it from you.” Their voice was muffled by cloth, but it sounded grumpy even to them. Well, and why not? It was frustrating to work so hard at being gentle with someone who didn’t hesitate to hurt them!

Sapphire ignored the question and tapped her nose. They growled and scrubbed at their nose until it felt like they’d lost some skin along with whatever was left of the stain. Ruby strangled down the urge to ask her if she was satisfied NOW and asked instead, “What are you going to do with it anyway?”

“I'm wet and I’m going to make a fire,” Sapphire answered. It sounded confident, but Ruby saw the hesitation. A moment when her eyes widened enough to reveal her uncertainty. They almost called her on the lie, before biting their lip. No. Lady Masque’s mask was slipping further than ever. Whatever she said, whatever she did, Sapphire was always on guard and defensive. Ruby had seen that from the beginning, but trying to force her into honesty wasn’t working. They tried looking again.

She was a beautiful woman, but there was so much hatred in her face that Ruby rarely thought so. They looked under that mask and saw nothing but misery. The woman facing them was beyond ragged. The arrogant posture just looked stiff and awkward now. Time had etched faint lines around her eyes and along the corners of her mouth that would one day show a life spent frowning. The lines were emphasized by deep bags under her eyes and the ashy pallor of her olive skin. Even her hair, though still thick, hung dull and lank around her shoulders. But Sapphire’s stare was as hard as ever; breaking but not yet broken. 

They must have been staring too long, because those full lips parted to bare her teeth and it was so much like those beaten strays that Ruby knew they had it right. Sapphire snapped out,“What now? Do you have any moral objections to _that_?” It was just the snapping of a living thing that felt backed into a corner. And like those animals, she watched warily as Ruby held out their good hand. They weren’t stupid; Ruby positioned themselves so that they could jump back if necessary. 

Ruby kept their voice soft and calm when they said, “I’ll do it.” Sapphire hunched her shoulders and hugged the box closer. This would be the part where the animal flattened itself down and growled a warning. Ruby stayed very still and kept their body language relaxed. With the animal, Ruby would have called again, coaxing it forward with the tone of their voice. For the human, they smiled and nodded. See? No threats. No tricks. Come to me; come here. Ruby crooked their fingers, moving slowly and beckoning to the human animal. 

The same wind that had blown the clouds over the sun, casting the group into shadow, whisked them away to allow the light to shine again. It picked out golden highlights in Sapphire’s hair and Ruby was grateful for the returning warmth. Haltingly, Sapphire held the box up and away from herself. It was badly tarnished, but the fiery gleam of good copper could still be seen in places. The clouds crowded in around the sun again, but Ruby had seen something in the light and they hoped. Her hand was so close to theirs, so near to giving in. She licked her lips and nodded. 

“Why?” 

With one harshly spoken word, Ruby felt that hope weaken. They would never be a smooth talker; never be the kind of person who used flowery and powerful words to convince or compel other people. Honesty was all they had to offer and what good was that with someone who never stopped doubting their motives? Ruby sighed deeply, physically trying to release the tension building in their chest, but they kept their hand out. Being stubborn was all they had left to offer, if honesty meant nothing. They looked down at their boots, because couldn’t meet that accusing stare any more. Sapphire could look forever if she wanted, because there was nothing deeper to see. Ruby was just Ruby. Somehow, a quality they had taken pride in now made them feel small and simple. Stupid. They swallowed hard, forcing themselves to try again, but the words came out sounding more pathetic than ever. “Maybe I just want to be able to do something right. And I know I can do this.”

Cool metal pressed into their open palm. There was a brush of gloved fingers on the side of their hand and then it was gone, but Ruby had the box now. If that meant anything, Ruby didn’t even know. They didn’t look up, but they tried to smile. It didn’t feel like it worked, but Ruby was doing their best. They always did. It was easier to look around for a good spot to set up than it was to stand there feeling sick, so they got to work. Once they’d found a spot where the ground was mostly clear, they fell to their knees and began to dig.

It was the physical exercise of tearing up the grass that helped, more than anything. Ruby leaned into the strength and stability of the earth and breathed in the scent of fresh turned earth and green, growing things. The feeling of burying their fingers deep into the cool soil and clearing the ground was satisfying. Grass and leaves, fresh and dried, flew and Ruby liked that too. It wasn’t like anyone here would scold them for grubbing in the dirt or muddying their clothes. Dried grass was a particular concern to Ruby, they wanted anything remotely like tinder to be gone. The circle grew wider. Ruy was panting and sweating from the effort, but the sick feeling was fading away. In its place was the peace of knowing they were doing something well. 

The colorful patchwork of the prairie was dappled with moving areas of light and shadow and the sun and clouds played hide and seek in the blue sky above. Life was like that too, so Ruby would make themselves at comfortable where they were. If it was shadowed now, it would brighten up in time. The wind stroked their cheeks and ruffled the damp hair back sticking to their forehead. Ruby sat back on their heels to study the clearing they’d made. It needed more work, but it was a decent start! Carefully, they peeked over their shoulder to see what Sapphire was up to.

She had left the shadows of the wagon and stood nearby, wringing the loose edge of her wrapped skirt. To be honest, she seemed lost and more that a little uncertain. It made her seem younger and, for the first time, Ruby wondered just how old she was. Or wasn’t. A grin crept across their face and they felt the urge to tease her. Just a bit. Just enough to let her know they knew she was a city girl and couldn’t have made a decent camp fire. “I also figured we’d survived too long to end our lives like a pair of broiled prairie hens right here.” The grin was silly and unstoppable; it spread from ear to ear and a giggle bubbled up. “Something about getting to heaven by way of the inferno just doesn’t do it for me. ” 

Giggles became belly-deep laughter as Sapphire’s jaw dropped. So much for her permanent pokerface! But there was a far-away look in her eyes and Ruby quickly realized it was like when they’d first met. Their laughter quieted and softened. She’d started that fight and they hadn’t meant to hurt her. They hadn’t even wanted to scare her. Ruby had only meant to make her stop hurting them, but the moment Ruby had pinned her down Sapphire’s visible eye had gone wide and blank. Whatever vision, whatever memory, was so beyond terrifying that it had left her blinded to reality. Sapphire had struggled under them like a wild animal fighting for it’s life and the despairing little moans and sobs that had poured from her lips had left them feeling sickened. Retraining her, even to keep her from hurting herself, had been impossible and Ruby had been forced to let go. The scream when Sapphire said not to touch her had been all too real. If the woman had ever been honest with them, then that had been an honesty ripped from the core of her being. 

What kind of past was she seeing in those moments? What kind of future? Ruby wasn’t sure they wanted to know, but they felt no less desperate to drag Sapphire out of those visions than they had felt about the river. No one deserved to suffer that much. Ruby didn’t know how to call her back, but even as they watched Sapphire shut her eye tightly. When she looked at them again, Ruby knew she was with them. Here. Here, where the sun was shining through the clouds and where life grew, tough but still worthwhile, all around. 

Ruby smiled in pure relief. Then Garnet tried to eat their hair. It was so silly, so unexpected, that Ruby gave into the laughter again. Like a tired person falling onto a bed, they flopped back on the grass and let Garnet search them for treats. The mare put her black muzzle right up to their nose and snorted. Ruby rubbed their noses together and kept laughing. They couldn't have agreed more. Behind and off to the side of Garnet stood Sapphire. The smile was small and it fit her face as awkwardly as a freshly starched shirt, but it was real. It was amazing how different that little bit of softness made her look. Their heart felt lighter, or maybe they were just dizzy from lack of air. Ruby patted the grass beside them, offering her a place. 

The woman shook her head and pointed to the tinderbox lying in the grass, but the smile still clung to the curve of her lips and the blue of her eye. Instead, she asked how she could help and Ruby was glad to include her in the work. They thought she still looked happy as she broke several weathered boards from the wagon and they could understand that too. Nothing calmed anxiety like activity… or worked out frustration as much as breaking things. When she’d collected a pile, Ruby took over and cracked the boards into manageable sizes and arranged them. They were more used to matches, but it wasn’t hard to strike a spark using the flint and steel. A few tries were enough for the tinder, the driest grass Ruby had found, to catch fire. Careful feeding of the flames soon created a cheerful camp fire to brighten the night that was quickly closing all around them.

They had expected for Sapphire to take a seat on the opposite side of the fire, but once they’d settled in a comfortable spot she moved to sit beside them. On her own, without being asked, Sapphire chose to sit beside them. There was no conversation, but the silence was companionable for the first time since their misadventure had started and that was enough. The soft crackling of the fire and the heat made them feel drowsy and peaceful. Their chin dropped toward their chest and they jarred awake for a few seconds. It was smarter to stay awake, but their eyelids felt weighted by lead. Soon enough their head was drooping and the fire was a warm glow behind their eyelids. They half-startled awake at a sharp snap from the fire, confused but too comfortable to care. An arm was draped around their shoulders and the warmth of body heat supported them. Maybe it was a dream or maybe not, but Ruby didn’t question happiness.


	10. Days ???

Whether she chose to admit it or not, something had shifted. Sapphire chose to not admit it. He had lingered near the ill-fated wagon only long enough for Ruby to be satisfied the burned-down fire was taken care of and had set off towards the river before the sun had fully risen. There was a silence in the air, but it lacked the pressure of an impending storm. Sapphire chose to walk for once and from time to time the mare would turn to give Sapphire a bump with her muzzle. It felt friendly. Had her assumption that Garnet was distant and ignoring her been nothing more than that? An assumption? The idea that she could have seen things that weren’t there was disturbing; worse than blindness. She tried to think back and find an instance where she’d even given the mare a chance to be friendly, but her mind felt too foggy. Confusion could be a symptom of starvation and exhaustion, but she wasn’t that bad off. She couldn’t be.

Ruby was walking on the other side of Garnet, but she could hear him humming almost inaudibly under his breath. She didn’t have the energy to be annoyed, but curiosity had her stepping ahead just enough to peer around Garnet’s head. The sheriff ambled along with his hand resting on his mare’s neck. He seemed to be lost in a daydream, relaxed and preoccupied with pleasant visions no one else could see. Noticing her, he stopped humming, but the soft smile on his lips never wavered. When Ruby tilted his head and blinked, it had meaning to her. Curiosity. He was wondering what she was doing. 

“Why are you smiling?” Her voice came out in a rough croak and she winced at the ugly sound, but it had been too long since she’d had anything to drink and she’d strained her voice with all the shouting the day before. Ruby’s eyebrows furrowed and the contented smile slipped sideways. He must have thought she was criticizing him. Again. Of course he would. She tried to soften her voice, but all that it seemed she had left was harsh and accusatory. 

“No,” She tried to swallow, but her mouth was dry as dust. “I don't mean it that way. I can't ...I just don't understand. What do you see that could possibly make you happy? It's dark and empty out here. We're lost. We’re starving. Ruby… we’re probably going to die out here.” The words seemed too small to encompass the enormity of what death was and Sapphire wondered how she had ever contemplated it so peacefully before. Bile rose from her empty stomach to sear her throat and she choked it back as quietly as she could. “We-”

Garnet’s nose was against her neck then and Sapphire’s fingers found the groove under her chin. Without thinking, she scratched at the smooth fur and when the mare sighed against her blouse it sounded like bliss. Movement drew her attention and Ruby’s hand came to rest between Garnet’s ears. He tussled her forelock and the white star on her forehead was briefly uncovered before the stiff hair fell back into place. Ruby made no attempt to close the narrow gap between their hands, he didn't try to touch her, but he hesitantly offered another smile.

“Garnet knows what happy is. It's right now, whatever is good in this moment. Tomorrow will come, but why are you worrying about it before this one is over?” Ruby shook his head and glanced towards the rising sun. “It's not dark, Sapphire. The light is right in front of us and it's not at all empty! Look at the sky. Close your eyes and feel the wind on your skin. Breathe in the flowers or listen to the birds. You're talking about death when life is all around you.”

“Besides. We’re not alone!” That smile became what Sapphire could only describe as a cheeky grin. Ruby ducked his head so he could look up at her from under the brim of his hat and he ruffled the mare’s ears again. “We have Garnet.”

All it took was one finger to hook the brim of Ruby’s hat and flip it off his head. The movement was as relaxed and effortless as the laugh it provoked from the little sheriff. He picked up the fallen hat, tipped it to her with tongue-in-cheek courtesy, and walked onward, still chuckling softly. Garnet quickly followed at his heels and Sapphire lagging behind them both until she stopped walking entirely. The peace of dawn settled around them once more, heavy enough to smother the disruption of laughter and as comfortable as an worn quilt. Sapphire lifted her face to a sky Ruby insisted wasn’t dark.

Light touched the distant horizon, throwing tints of pink and lavender on the lacy sweep of clouds above them. Delicate greys and faded blues mingled with muted pastels, gently dwindling away as the colors drew strength and vibrancy from the rising sun. Light replaced shadow, not as one force combating an enemy, but as the gradual transition of the past into something new. Something better. Sapphire shook her head slightly, but the rejection lacked conviction. Letting her eyes slip shut, she inhaled the scent of summer, a medley of sun-scorched grass and wildflowers. The warmth of the morning sunlight was a faint caress on her cheeks and the restless wind, that gentle omnipresent force on the prairie, pushed at her back until she stepped forward. Another step. Sapphire let the wind urge her on until she had caught up with the rest. With Ruby. 

She didn’t know if any of these things mattered to her, but she acknowledged he existed. Ruby was right in saying the sky wasn’t dark. Facing the rising sun, Sapphire walked forward and her long shadow trailed behind. 

When they reached the river again, it was decided there was no point in crossing back to the other side. Ruby mounted first and pulled Sapphire up behind him in the saddle. The saddle bags were less empty by one tinderbox. That was the last of their good luck for a while. Garnet followed the river at a steady jog until the sun reached its zenith and the heat became unendurable.

At Ruby’s insistence, they continued the pattern of trying to sleep away the worse of the day, but it didn't help. Not this time. Sapphire laid herself down in the grass feeling tired and woke up nauseated and confused. Sweat dripped down the collar of her shirt and itched between her breasts and shoulder blades, sticking her clothing to her body. Her hair hung lank and clung to her face. Sapphire clumsily pushed aside, but it only tangled worse. Every blade of grass felt like it had left an indent in her skin.

Sapphire groaned as Ruby forced her to sit up. Her hands scrabbled at his shoulders weakly, trying to push him away and lay back down. The sheriff was speaking. The words had no meaning, but the tone grabbed her attention. Coaxing, low, pleading. What did he want? She was half dragged to the bank of the river and cold water slapped her into coherence. Almost. No. She became aware enough to cup her hands and drink, but her stomach lurched. A mouthful that had taken seconds to swallow took long, endless minutes to retch up. Ruby’s hand patted between her shoulders and Sapphire didn't have the breath to argue. 

She didn't have the breath to argue when he pushed her up into the saddle and swung up behind her. Sapphire had never allowed him to sit behind her, exposing her back to a threat she couldn't see, but there was no fight left. Time lost meaning and awareness became nothing more than fragmented nightmares. There was darkness and light in senseless patterns. There was sprawling in the grass, choking down water, and being forced into the saddle again. There was Ruby.

In one of her now rare flashes of lucidity, Sapphire realized her dark, heavy clothing was as much a liability in the sun as it had been in the water. Ruby’s chin pressed into her shoulder and, thankfully, he was on the side where she could see him. Under the muffling force of exhaustion, she felt a flicker of irritation that another human held her so close, but her mind refused to focus. Ruby’s cheeks were flushed deep red from the heat and his thick eyelashes fluttered shut. Sapphire wished she could find the energy to be afraid that his health was failing too. Even as he slumped against her, his hands remained locked on the saddle horn and Sapphire was cradled between them. The vision faded and consciousness followed. 

Garnet was carrying them and picking her own path now. Sapphire woke less and she wasn't certain when they were stopping. If they were stopping. Foggy dreams of heat and discomfort blended seamlessly into reality, but Sapphire held onto two truths she felt certain of. Ruby still breathed behind her and Garnet’s ears remained pricked forward in front of her. 

Night? Shade. Sapphire blinked, lifting heavy eyelids and turned her head. They were in the shade. The movement jarred Ruby and he muttered sleepily in her ear before lifting his head too. One of his hands unwound from the saddle horn and rubbed at his eyes. Their eyes met in the periphery and Ruby hummed a wordless inquiry. She lifted her shoulders in a shrug he probably felt more than saw. 

They were under a tree. True, it was a scraggly thing barely worthy of the name, but the shade it cast made it worth it’s weight in gold. The river itself had dwindled to a small stream, one that had once been significantly larger if the broad banks and the path it had cut in the earth meant anything. Now it tumbled cheerfully over dirt and stone, a harmless current flowing across a land of rolling hills and gullies. Small trees and shrubs dotted the landscape in clumps and followed the course of the stream. In fact, now that she was looking around, they were in a gully. The land on the other side of the stream was a gentle incline that rose maybe 10 feet in the air. Ruby was staring at it and she heard his voice for the first time in - she didn’t know. His first attempt at speech resembled the dying gurgle of an ox, but on the second try he managed a rusty sounding, “Look.”

Ruby’s arm lifted and she followed his pointing finger across the stream to a shadowed depression in the hill. Sapphire licked her cracked lips and decided a small shake of her head was easier that trying to speak. His arm fell, trembling with fatigue, but Ruby didn’t look away. Slowly, Sapphire started to see something under the matting of grass and morning glory vines and, when she did see it, she wondered if they had died. No, if this was the afterlife she only half-heartedly believed in then she doubted Ruby would be in it with her. Hallucinating the same thing at the same time? That was only slightly less illogical than death. 

A door was in the hill. Underneath the overgrown vegetation, a wooden door was set into the side of the hill. The hammer beat of Ruby’s heart distracted her and it seemed for a moment he might fall out of the saddle. No, he was trying to climb down from the saddle and almost pitching her out of it in wild excitement. A whine was heard and Sapphire felt humiliated to realize it was her own voice. Ruby’s hand enveloped hers and squeezed. It might have been meant as reassurance, but the pressure almost hurt. His arms then looped around her ribs and Sapphire found herself lifted in the air. Her vision spun from the sudden movement and she barely had time to choke out a complaint before her back was set against the tree. To add insult to injury, Ruby patted her into place like a fumbling young child might prop up a favored ragdoll. 

There was such a desperate hope in his eyes and she felt as limp as any ragdoll, so Sapphire inclined her head in cautious encouragement. Whatever Ruby had in mind, he was welcome to it as long as she didn't have to leave the shade. Just watching him scramble across the stream and up the side of the hill made Sapphire feel tired, but he stood at the top and turned in frantic circles. His chest was heaving. Exertion? Excitement? Then, with a little cry, he disappeared down the other side of the embankment. 

Garnet watched his antics, ears pricked attentively, until Ruby vanished from sight. Then she snorted softly and found something to eat. Sapphire thought it was clover, but the fog was settling into her mind again and nothing would keep it at bay. Her eyelids felt heavy as lead and it hurt less to just let them fall shut. For a while she still heard the rustle and crunch of Garnet browsing the ground beside her, could even feel the brush of a muzzle against the back of her hand. Then there was nothing. 

When her eyes opened next, the sun and moon had exchanged places. The full moon hung low in the sky, almost big enough to touch and bright enough to turn night into a silver gilded version of day. Sapphire took a breath of cool air and sighed in relief. Her mind felt more clear, although raising her head made her temples throb painfully. Turning her head changed the throbbing into a sharp stab, but she needed to find… she needed…

Ruby sat nearby. His back was to her and he leaned over a smoldering pile of leaves. The little sheriff had a stick in one hand and was totally preoccupied with poking at the burning leaves and embers. Breathing in again, Sapphire recognized the smell of ash and char and something else. Again she inhaled, trying to place the unfamiliar scent. Garnet stood on the far side of the fire, flicking her tail and stretching her nose towards the glow. 

Some sound or sense that Sapphire couldn’t perceive must have alerted Ruby, because he turned towards her with an excited grin and jumped to his feet. In a moment, he was kneeling in front of her. Without hesitation, Ruby took one of her hands in his and Sapphire wondered when they'd gotten so familiar. She tugged away, but Ruby was not to be deterred or discouraged. He just patted her knee and continued to smile down at her.

“Sapphire! You're awake!” His voice had returned to its normal, slightly squeaky good cheer. What he was pleased about, she couldn't fathom, but the happy creasing around his eyes and the gleam of teeth in the moonlight made an answering smile touch her own lips. It was small and confused, but something seemed to have melted away in the delirious heat that had almost claimed her life. Clarity had risen from the blind haze and Sapphire knew she'd come within inches of dying, was still inches from dying. The only reason she had not crossed that intangible, but eternal, borderline was standing in front of her. She didn’t really know how to feel about that, but she continued to breathe. 

“Take off your gloves and shut your eyes, okay? I’ve got a surprise!” Somehow, Ruby still had the energy to bounce. Sapphire didn’t need words to express her opinion on such an absurd request. Her expression was a soliloquy on disapproval. Ruby’s shoulders hunched and he ducked his head, clasping both hands in the air in theatrical supplication. Maybe he’d lost his mind to the heat and starvation. Maybe she had, because she found herself peeling off what was left of her gloves and closing her eyes. Ruby had the temerity to _laugh_ , but the joyful sound failed to annoy her as much as it should have. “Great! Now hold out your hands. Please?”

Something warm and heavy dropped into her open hands. The back of Sapphire's head smacked against the tree trunk when she recoiled from the unexpected heat and her eyes flew open. In her hands was a blackened lump. Her mind faltered over the facts even as she finally recognized the scent from before. Saliva flooded her mouth and she swallowed it along with a wave of nausea. Her stomach violently remembered its existence. Ruby had found and roasted a potato. When she could tear her gaze away from the miracle of food, she looked up unto warm brown eyes. Ruby had a second potato in his hands, but he looked only at her. “I was waiting for you to wake up. Careful, they’re still pretty hot. ”

It had been a very long time since Sapphire allowed herself the weakness of tears and she wasn’t going to start now, but her eyes stung as she bent her head again. She picked carefully at the unevenly blackened potato and reflected that Ruby probably wasn’t the best cook. It helped crowd out other thoughts and feelings that she didn’t feel strong enough to confront head on. Not now. But she listened to him ramble while she scooped steaming white bits of potato into her mouth. He wasn’t the best cook, but it tasted better than any meal she’d ever been treated to before and had been offered with far more sincerity. 

“That door there? That’s a type of house called a dugout, I think.” Ruby interspersed words with bites, chuckling to himself between chewing and explaining. Table manners weren’t his strong point either, but Sapphire allowed him to enjoy his triumph and his potato in peace. He deserved it. “But I was looking at it and I thought….hey, slow down a bit there!” His free hand popped another bite into his mouth and waved a warning at her. Sapphire nodded and waved back for him to get on with it. “Okay, I thought if there’s a farmhouse then there must be a garden, right? Even if it’s been years, there must be something left! And there was, Sapphire! The potatoes have gone wild and there’s got to be baskets worth in that field.” 

It was a single potato, but Sapphire was soon as warm and drowsy as if it had been a feast. She half-listened to Ruby, leaning against the tree and appreciating the enthusiasm of his storytelling more than the exact words. He rocked back and forth, waving both hands and potato in a complete re-enactment of his gardening adventures. Garnet sniffed at the flying tuber as it arced under her nose. The mare huffed and shuffled off down the bank, to where more thin trees and a thick mass of bushes followed the water off out of sight. The leaves were clearly more to her taste and Garnet nibbled at them like a delicacy. Ruby watched her go, making sure his horse was content, before turning back with a renewed grin. “And those bushes over there? The ones Garnet is munching on? Those are blackberry brambles!” 

How odd to go from death to life. It was as senseless as a sheriff saving the life of a criminal. Or a dying man putting off eating once food was finally in his grasp. The fire had burnt out completely and Sapphire stretched out beneath the tree she’d begun thinking of as hers. The night was still as she cushioned her cheek against the inside of her arm. Overhead, the moon shone brightly and Garnet was a dark shadow against it, standing sentry over the sleeping pair. Ruby curled up barely an arm’s length away and that felt odd too. His arms had been wrapped around her for a very long time and she felt adrift without that weight, a feeling that could go throw itself on the pile of other senseless things tonight. Her stomach still felt filled with warmth and if that pleasant heat touched other places in her chest, then what did it matter anymore. She was alive and anything else could wait for morning.


	11. That Don’t Impress Me Much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION: Some changes have been made for the sake of consistency and authenticity. This is a first person narrative from Sapphire's perspective and she views Ruby as a man, so the pronouns she would be using for them are male pronouns. Please keep in mind that first person narratives are biased and potentially inaccurate, because they are based only on what the narrator knows and thinks.

Once Ruby had an idea, he pursued it relentlessly. The pure energy he threw into an activity was admirable, but his planning needed work. Sapphire has seen that on the day them met, when the young sheriff had chased after her without even pausing to grab his pistol, much less pack. She saw it again as Ruby attempted to restore what he had called a “dugout.” 

After a breakfast of more roasted potatoes, Ruby had explained the details of his project. The group was worn out and needed a place to recover, he said, which was an understatement. Sapphire knew she wasn’t thinking clearly, just based on the fact that she was passively listening to the idea of setting up house in the middle of nowhere. She was not some little frontier wife, content to grub in the dirt for her livelihood, but she felt too tired for either resentment or suspicion anymore. She should have been frightened by that weakness, but even fear was too much effort. It was enough to just to lean against her tree, which Ruby told her was called a redbud, and keep her eyes open. Movement made her feel dizzy and the last thing she wanted to do was faint again. 

So, while Sapphire picked at the remains of a potato, Ruby splashed across the stream and started uprooting morning glories. Clearing the front of the door of vines was a good idea and leaning casually against it to wave at her wasn’t. Ruby yelped loudly as the wooden door parted ways from the frame and he fell backwards into the shadows. His boots kicked in the air briefly before disappearing into the hole in the hill and Ruby’s muffled yelling assured her he was fine. She was beginning to wonder what his next idea would be when the vines a few feet to the left of the door began to tremble. The vines seemed to explode outwards in a flurry of leaves and blue flowers and there was Ruby, triumphant and furious, hanging out of what must be a window. 

Maybe it was the way he shook a handful of delicate, curling vines in the air like he was throttling a rattlesnake or the tumble of morning glories caught in his curls, but something like a hiccup made her breath hitch. By the time he’d retreated out of view, Sapphire was pressing a hand over her nose and mouth to cover a laugh. The sound became an unladylike snort, but nothing could fully stifle the feeling that was welling up. It made her feel weaker and something inside seemed to have broken loose. Giddy. Memory surfaced, offering up a moment when a much younger woman had first sipped champagne. The fizz had gone right to her head and that carefree womanchild had giggled to herself through the entire party. When was the last time she’d laughed like that? By the time the second window, this time to the right of the door, burst open, Sapphire had regained a tighter control of herself. 

Ruby lingered in this window, leaning out and waving to her. His temper tantrum was forgotten and he seemed to be waiting for her to say something. Never to be discouraged, even by her silence, Ruby proudly gestured around at the cleared openings and waited for approval. Sapphire didn’t laugh again, refused to, but the corners of her lips twitched upwards as she brought her hands together in slow, measured clapping. The sarcasm was not lost on the little sheriff, but he just laughed and stuck his tongue out at her. A shake of his head dislodged most of the trailing flowers and Ruby pulled back inside. His opening act was concluded by tripping over the fallen door and dragging it outside. After some consideration, he hefted one end of it and walked backwards towards the stream. 

The stream was no more than two or three feet deep at the center and Ruby found a narrowed place where the banks came just close enough for the door to lay across both sides. “The door is sound! It was the hinges that came loose” was his explanation as he splashed around and pressed the boards down into dirt and rock. When he were satisfied it was stable, he stepped up onto the middle of the makeshift bridge. Disaster missed it’s chance the first time, so he tested tested fate again by bouncing on his toes. His luck and the old wood held.

“You know that it will be swept away in a good rain?,” Sapphire couldn’t help but ask the obvious question. 

Ruby shrugged as he ambled over to where she sat and answered, “Then I guess we hope for clear skies and easy roads.” The tone was jovial, but there was something about Ruby’s smile and the tension in his jaw that made her think he wasn’t just talking about the weather. The question, however, was forgotten the moment Ruby leaned down and laid his hands on her. One hand pressed against the small of her back and the other slipped under her knees, lifting her, but both pulled away instantly when her fist smacked into Ruby’s chest. It was reflexive and she didn’t have the strength to hurt him, but he retreated as if she had. It should have mollified her that Ruby backed off so readily, but the confused and wounded look on his face pricked her conscience. Sapphire found the energy to stagger to her feet.

“I am not your child, your grandmother, or your wife,” she hissed through clenched teeth, swaying but staying upright thanks to a white-knuckled grip on her tree. “Neither am I an invalid or your goddamned dolly. I do not need or want to be carried around by you.” The irony of the statement only fueled her indignation. Ruby had been, out of necessity, carrying her around. How many days had she been barely conscious and in his arms, never protesting until this moment? Her vision was greying out at the edges, but the concern on Ruby’s face was all too clear. The first step away from her tree felt like it might be her last. Her knees folded and the jarring pain of catching herself on hands and knees made her long to just lay on the ground until it subsided. Sapphire’s palms stung where she’d scrapped them and she’d torn one of the knees on her trousers. 

A hand touched her shoulder and Sapphire almost wished the ringing in her ears was enough to drown out the sound of Ruby’s voice. He spoke to her like a fool or a fractious animal, soft and coaxing, “Sapphire… you could lean on me. I don’t think you’re any of those things. Really. I’m just trying to help.” If he’d set fire to the grass beneath her, it couldn’t have goaded her to her feet any faster. She gripped his shoulder, but only to push him back a few steps. The momentum made her wobble dangerously, but Sapphire pulled herself up straight with every last bit of her wounded pride. Deep breaths. She wasn’t weak and she could walk by herself. Sapphire put one foot in front of the other. If anything had ever taken this much effort, she couldn’t think of it. She couldn’t think at all. Her world narrowed down to the next step and the next breath. The warmth of Ruby’s hands hovered along her ribs, as if he couldn’t bear not reaching out, but didn’t dare touch her again. It could be ignored. 

The bridge was a torment. It was better than wading through the water, but the wood was less steady than the ground and it was a reminder of how much further she had to go. There was a splash and a large shadow entered her peripheral vision. A low whicker identified it as Garnet.The mare was walking in the water beside the bridge and her shoulder was near enough to lean into. If she fell, one or the other would catch her. Sapphire ignored Garnet too, staring ahead at the dim opening in the hill. Once she made it there, she could could sit again and know her point had been made. 

Ruby had been given every opportunity to take advantage of her weakened condition. He could have harmed her or left her to die. No one would have known or cared even if they had. Sapphire couldn’t question his motives, even if those motives were senseless to her. She believed Ruby meant well from the very bottom of his naive little soul. Sapphire didn’t know what to do with that and the calculating murderer inside her knew she could not afford to be killed with kindness. 

Her entourage trailed after her, all the way to the doorway. Sapphire allowed herself to hold the frame for a moment, resting against it while she tried to peer into the gloom. Her sun-dazzled eyes couldn’t see anything beyond vague shapes, but she stepped inside in a show of confidence. The closest shape became a simple table, set to the side of the door and centered on the window. The construction was blocky and plain, but her fingers found it was sanded smooth beneath the layer of dust. Long benches of equally simple design flanked it. In some bygone years, it must have comfortably accommodated perhaps six people. Sapphire sat there sat there now and she idly wondered if those people had ever felt the same degree of gratitude she felt to get off their shaking legs. 

“There’s a fireplace in the corner,” Ruby said. The sheriff stood silhouetted in the doorway, blocking what little light the opening had allowed inside and making it impossible to see what he were pointing to. The light dimmed even further when Garnet’s head pushed through the window opening. The mare’s head turned curiously back and forth before stretching in her direction. The dark figure in the doorway fidgeted, waiting for an answer that didn’t come. “I… I’m going to go clear the chimney so we can get a fire going inside. I won’t be far if you need me, Sapphire. ” Ruby’s expression was obscured by the brilliance of the sky behind him and the shadows that had closed around her, but he gave her a long look over his shoulder before walking away. Garnet exhaled gustily and pulled her head back out of the window. The fading hoofbeats suggested the mare had followed her real master. 

Once her eyes adjusted to the faint light, she could see the walls were covered in faded whitewash. It had flaked off in places and fallen like an extra layer of dust on the packed dirt floor. Heavy shelves had been dug into the back wall and there seemed to be a large wooden frame laying on the floor in the far corner. A scuffling sound from above had Sapphire looking up to the roof. She followed the sound, eyes moving along the woven branches that formed the ceiling and coming to rest at the furthest corner of the room. Here was the chimney Ruby had been talking about, a mortar and rock creation with an open hearth. It wasn’t comforting that she could hear his footsteps, but the roof showed no sign of caving in. For something to do, Sapphire pulled out the handkerchief she kept tucked into her blouse and wiped off the table and benches. 

Being domestic irked her, but if she was going to eat off it then the table needed less than an inch of dust on it’s surface. It took shaking the handkerchief out of the window several times and a lot of coughing, but the dust was gone. By that time, the sounds from the chimney had grown very loud and Sapphire knelt on the hearth to peer up the chimney. A small bit of light streamed down from above and Sapphire squinted, trying to see if it was cleared yet. She was still looking up when a small avalanche of dirt and dead plants hit her in the face.

“Hey! I think it’s clear now! Sapphire? Sapph...ah..hello? Did I get it?” Ruby’s voice echoed a bit as it came down the now clear chimney. 

Wiping the dirt out of her eyes with the back of her hand, Sapphire yelled back, “ Yes. You got it.” Ruby’s cheerful exclamation suggested the sarcasm had been lost on him and she grumbled under her breath, “and you’d really get it, if circumstances were different.” 

Sapphire met him at the door, her dirt streaked face set in a deep scowl. Ruby looked puzzled and reached out to brush the debris from her hair, but paused halfway. “ What were you doing while I cleared out the chimney? You look like last season’s bird’s nest. Maybe you should go wash up in the stream?” 

“Ruby. Why don’t you go stick your _head_ in the stream.” 

He appeared perfectly thoughtful as he tilted his head and considered. Ruby couldn’t be that oblivious and the grin that struggled free from the blandly innocent look he was giving her confirmed it. He still tried to play the part, poorly she might add, and his hand darted out to pluck a leaf from her hair. He waved it like a peace flag, or a matador’s cape, and edged past her. “Oh no, ladies first! I’ll wash up when I’m done carrying this mess outside.” 

He made a dash for the fireplace, laughing, and Sapphire beat down the urge to trip the little nuisance. It was doubtful she could do it without going down with him and she huffed her own silent chuckle. Living under the same roof as a saint would have been a worse annoyance. Fatigue made a trip to the stream and back a time consuming project, but rinsing the dirt and sweat from her face improved her mood and gave Ruby time to build a fire on the hearth. 

The light from the fire drove the shadows into the safety of nooks and corners, where he deepened in retaliation, but the warm glow cast across the rest of the room was worth it. Ruby offered a grin that was no less warm than the friendly blaze he'd kindled. He said nothing to her, simply walking outside and leaving her in peace. For a time, she sat at the table and watched the constantly shifting patterns of light and darkness cast on the walls by the flickering fire. Exhaustion, silent and unstoppable, closed in behind the screen of dreamy unreality. An ember popped and scattered glowing fragments across the stone hearth. From under her eyelashes, they glittered like stars. That was the last conscious thought that followed her into dreamless sleep. 

When she woke up next, it was because Ruby was rummaging around in the corner. The slightest sounds of human presence never failed to jar her from sleep, heart racing and hand reaching for the knife that was always kept sharpened and close. Deep, restful sleep was such a rarity in Sapphire’s life that she felt a moment of intense resentment towards him, but after a moment she blew out the frustration with a slow, deep exhalation. She eased her hand away and watched Ruby from under the curtain of her bangs. Two roasted potatoes had been set on the table beside her, just far enough away that she couldn't have shifted in her sleep and been burned by accident. The scent of food seemed to remind her body of it’s needs, but she didn’t reach for it. Be still, be silent, watch carefully. Quickly divide threat from non-threat and eliminate the threat. These habits had kept her alive and instinct didn’t acknowledge Ruby as anything special. 

Gradually her heart slowed it’s frantic pace. Her head had been pillowed on her crossed arms, but now she uncurled. A compressed spring released from tension. As Sapphire stretched, her hand fell, as if by accident, on one of the food offerings and casually drew it in. The act was likely wasted on Ruby, but a true actress gives her best to a performance, even to an empty house. He seemed to be filling the wide, low box with armfuls of long grass and the fragrance of the prairie permeated the room. She noticed Garnet's tack was hung over the far end of the bench and the mare herself was watching intently from the window. How she’d missed that, Sapphire couldn’t say, but an idea began to form. Clearing her throat, Sapphire asked, “...setting aside food for the horse too?”

Ruby didn’t look up from arranging the grass evenly, but he answered her with blatant amusement. “Oh, no. Not much point in that, she’s got plenty out there and she won’t fit in here. You were asleep, but Garnet tried to come inside when I first started bringing in grass. She was real put out, too, because she likes being part of things, but the door isn’t wide enough. It was pretty funny to watch her try, but you don’t laugh at anything big enough to step on you and I’d have to go outside eventually. Garnet would catch me good and proper then.” Garnet must have recognized her name, because she snorted and stomped a hoof. It almost seemed like she understood the game going on. Ruby burst out laughing, exclaiming, “See?!” and raised his arms over his head in playful defense. “She’s not a lady to poke fun at!” 

The chuckling subsided, mostly, but Ruby couldn’t seem to resist one last joke. “Neither are you, so I’ll stop now.” Sapphire doubted the sincerity of that when Ruby punctuated the promise with a wink, but he settled back on his heels and looked up earnestly enough. He gestured over his shoulder to the grass-filled frame and continued, “This is a bed box. You fill it with something soft like straw or grass and then you put bedding over it. We uh...don’t have bedding but it’ll still be a step above sleeping on the ground!” 

The frame was mattress shaped and big enough for two or three. God, she knew it was irrational, because she’d been sleeping beside Ruby for days, maybe even weeks, but the idea of sharing anything defined as a bed made her skin crawl. “And you expect me to sleep there.”

Sapphire had expected an amiable reply, maybe some banter or clumsy, but well intentioned, persuasion. She didn’t even realize she’d had expectations until the look on Ruby’s face froze her in place. Angry. Sullen. The shadows emphasized the dark bags under his eyes and the grimace that transformed Ruby’s round, rosy features into something harsh and smoldering. Her hand twitched towards her knife, but he stepped back. Away. His existence shifted from threat to an unknown. Her hand stayed near where her knife was concealed. 

“No,” Ruby growled, fists clenched and holding himself back. “I expect you to be an adult and make your own choices. If you want to sleep at the table or if you want to go lay down outside, that's up to you.” Ruby punctuated each word with an accusing stab of his forefinger and swept his arm in the direction of the door, inviting her to leave. He didn't move from his spot and neither did Sapphire. Strain started to crack his voice, outrage and vulnerability mixing together like a fist full of broken glass. Cutting at her, cutting at himself. “You had no trouble telling me off this morning when I tried to help you. I got a whole laundry list of why I'm not responsible for you.”

Ruby looked away. His chest was heaving with each breath He took until He abruptly slumped. When he faced her again, the fire in his eyes had died away to dull ashes. He smiled briefly before his expression fell lax again and he laughed without humor. “Funny thing is… if you fall again, I'd still help you up.” Ruby covered his face with both hands, rocking on his feet. Finally, he sat down beside her on the bench and looked into her eyes, “I’d probably get slapped for my trouble, too.”

At this distance, Sapphire could see what the firelight hid. Ruby was dripping with fresh sweat and the silence let her hear a faint wheeze with each inhalation. While she had been resting in the peaceful darkness, had Ruby paused his work at all? There was no basket, nothing that could be filled to make carrying less of a burden. How many times had he climbed the slope in order to fill the box to the brim? She took her hand from its resting place over her knife and leaned back against the table. The potato in her hand was dropped into Ruby’s lap as carelessly as it had been picked up and the sheriff fumbled to catch it without looking away. His hands were shaking. He may have wanted eye contact, but she deliberately turned her head and grabbed the remaining potato before answering neutrally, “Probably. Knowing that, why do you persist?”

Ruby gave up the fight for eye contact and busied himself with fidgeting dinner to pieces. Sapphire peeled the blackened skin back in neat strips, placing them on the table in a pile and eating it like an apple. A cupped hand beneath it caught any crumbs before they fell on her skirt. Ruby didn't eat. The silence had continued so long that she jumped at the sound of Ruby’s voice. 

He used the low, halting tone she now recognized as careful thought. Ruby handled words like tangible objects, turning them over and over while he anxiously prodded and pulled them apart. “I guess … have you ever wanted something so badly that you'd do anything to get it? Or hated that something existed so much that you'd do whatever it took to make it stop? Even if you were hurt in the process, it would be worth the pain to make something change?”

The words burned like unshed tears, like the rush of blood from a severed vein. Ruby poured out his feelings, but it was Sapphire who felt the knife in her heart. She closed her eyes to block out the pain or maybe to just see the memories instead. The young woman was so clear in her mind, with her bloody hands and bloodier vendetta. How her heart had been hammering in her chest when she lured the first one to the rail of the steamboat, but accidents do happen and accidents don’t weigh all that heavily on the soul. People die for all kinds of reasons, whether they fall from a boat in the dark or down a flight of stairs or because their day of judgement had come. For the sake of removing human monsters from the world and finding peace, she’d become lost in a nightmare and peace had fled further from her grasp with every step down the road. Her sacrifice had meant nothing and the world hadn’t changed. She changed. Sapphire licked her lips and found the shadow of a voice that had once made her a star, “Is that really what you want?”

The voice that answered her was just as soft and desperate, “I have to try.” It was easier, now that the fire was burning down and the darkness of night had wrapped them in it’s anonymity. It was easier when there was no her and no him, just words that could have belonged to any other lost souls in purgatory. The human being seated beside her bent until his forehead nearly touched his knees. They seemed to constantly be reaching out in a confused and dark place, never quite meeting on the same emotional level. Yet this time she felt so close to a point of understanding that she couldn’t let it slip through her fingers. Her hands remained still, folded in her lap, but her voice urged him to continue the line of thought, “You have to...stop bad things from happening?”

“No, I can't do that.” The fire was gone, but she could see the outline of Ruby’s head and shoulders in the faint moonlight that the window allowed in. He shook his head, but didn’t sit up. Sapphire was forced to bend down to his level to hear the answer. All the weariness and pain she’d felt, years ago before she had allowed her heart to freeze over with apathy, seemed to echo in the quietly spoken words. “When something bad happens, I want to make a difference. So if you fall down, I'm going to help you up. I can't just pretend I didn't see.”

So many people had seen and pretended. She could still remember the pitying looks cast her way when they thought she wasn't paying attention. The whispers behind her back. They’d gossip, but no one would risk their lives and livelihoods. They’d let her wake up, alone, on the stateroom floor. They’d looked away as she walked, shamed and half naked, back to her own cabin on the steamboat’s lower decks. No hand had reached out to her, but what if they had? “Do you believe that's enough to make a difference?”

When Ruby turned his head, they were almost nose to nose. Expressions were lost to the night, but his voice held an unwavering determination that was unmistakable. “I'm going to try.” 

There had been nothing left to say after that. Ruby ate the cold remains of his dinner in silence and laid down without another word. He’d taken the side closest to the wall, leaving her a place where she could see the exit and where she wouldn’t be trapped between him and the wall. Garnet stood in the doorway, relaxed and dozing as close to her humans as possible. The soft whuffle of her breathing mixed with the faint snoring from the bed. Something deep in Sapphire’s heart hurt, but she’d gotten too far ignoring it to start now and a grass filled bed was better than the ground.


	12. A Pebble in a Potato Patch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION: Some changes have been made for the sake of consistency and authenticity. This is a first person narrative from Sapphire's perspective and she views Ruby as a man, so the pronouns she would be using for them are male pronouns. Please keep in mind that first person narratives are biased and potentially inaccurate, because they are based only on what the narrator knows and thinks.

When she woke next, the ashes of the fire were cold and the sun was high in the sky. Sapphire had slept poorly for years and yet the way the grass had absorbed her body heat and compressed around her to form a nest was oddly cosy. The thick walls kept the single room dim and cool, making it a blessed relief after endless days of being fully exposed to the sun and the relentless heat. It was easier than it should have been to lay there quietly and just exist. Dust motes danced in light from the window, swirling with dreamlike slowness around the pink and blue morning glories that peeked through from the open frame. Her mind drifted, freed from it’s usual machinations. There was nothing to gain and nothing to lose, because her world had been emptied of everything except a horse and a human being too noble-minded for his own good. 

Ruby lay on her blind side, but she could hear from his breathing that he was deeply asleep. The sheriff generally rose with the sun, chipper enough to almost warrant murder. Yet why not sleep in? They had nothing that needed to be accomplished. It was hardly as if she had any pressing engagements in the real world, unless you counted one with a noose. She’d call a rain check on one that any day.

The next few days passed in a pleasant blur. Sapphire ate whenever she became hungry and slept whenever she wasn’t. Other than caring for Garnet, Ruby did the same. It might have been the morning of the third or fourth day when she woke up, a little after dawn, and surprised herself by wanting to take a walk. Ruby found her pacing the streambank and wordlessly fell into step beside her. The sheriff greeted the rising sun like the jumble of flowers that covered the slope beside them, uncurling and turning towards the light. His arms stretched up and over his head, contented to reach for the simple pleasure of it’s warmth. Sparrows fluttered in the grass and the prairie wind wrapped around them in a familiar embrace. 

When Ruby understood she was feeling restless, he suggested she come see the field after breakfast. The supply of potatoes Ruby had originally gathered had run low and that’s where he intended to spend the day. Under most circumstances, agriculture was low on Sapphire’s list of interests, but his enthusiasm persuaded her to at least look. Sapphire felt in a rare good humor, amusing herself with the contrast Ruby presented. Many a man had tried to impress her, but none had attempted to do so by showing off a potato patch. 

Rather than climb the slope that the dugout had been built into, Ruby lead her further downstream to a place where the rise was only half of the original height. A path wound gently up the side like a grass-covered ramp, much to her silent relief. Sapphire’s legs were no longer used to supporting her weight for such a length of time and they trembled beneath the concealment of her skirt as she moved up the incline. Garnet, who had been following at their heels, balked for only a moment at the narrowness of the trail. When Sapphire faltered and lost her balance, a broad head nudged between her shoulder blades. Garnet held her ground, breathing warmth against Sapphire’s back, until the woman could steady herself. Ruby didn't notice, too caught up with explaining that this place had probably been created by water runoff and some enterprising farmer had finished the job nature started. 

It wasn't possible to stand side by side, but Sapphire beckoned the mare closer until Garnet’s head and neck were hanging over her shoulder and she could surreptitiously lean into that strength. Ruby looked back as he reached the top and beamed down at them. “It’s great to see how well you're getting along with Garnet!” 

Sapphire just nodded and patted the horse’s cheek. Her four-legged walking stick wasn't going to tell her secrets and for that alone she could like the mare. Although she would have never failed to maintain an animal in her possession any more than she would have neglected to clean her clothes or keep her knife sharpened, an animal had always been a means to an end. The sentimentality that Ruby showed his horse had, at first, seemed excessive and absurd to her, but lately she had begun to wonder if her last horse would have been that eager to run off if she'd treated it as more than a tool. There was no doubt left that Garnet returned Ruby’s devotion whole-heartedly. She followed his every movement, ears swiveling to catch every word, and responded to any sign of excitement or distress immediately. Was Garnet as much of an anomaly as her owner or had she, yet again, been blind to any possibility outside of what she’d wanted to see? 

Garnet walked beside her now that they were on open ground, keeping pace with the slower moving woman instead of following Ruby’s headlong rush into the grass. It was comfortable to rest her hand on the mare’s withers, the casual drape of her body masking the exhaustion that increased with every step. One fuzzy ear was turned towards her and Sapphire tried scratching along the base of Garnet’s mane just as she’d seen Ruby do. When she looked away from the trails her fingernails made in the thick chestnut coat, she realized they’d stopped moving. Ruby was watching, uncharacteristically quiet and still, but the expression on his face was very familiar. She saw that smile every time he looked at Garnet, except he was looking at her. 

Her stomach lurched and her thoughts ground to a halt. It was still the same candid, affable clodhopper who had ignored every chance he’d been given to harm or abandon her. Those brown eyes held no lust, but the sensation of connection to another human being was as disturbing as a rope looped around her neck. Something must have shown in her face, because Ruby’s smile faded and he started to bounce on his heels. She didn't think her mask had slipped, but a new and equally disturbing thought surfaced. Ruby was learning her quirks, just as Sapphire knew it was a lie for her to say Ruby was never still. He only fidgeted when something was upsetting him. The first tremors would start at his feet and travel upwards. His hands would soon pick up on the agitation and begin fiddling with anything in reach until Ruby’s fingers had worked his way up his neck and twisted into the roots of his wild curls. A verbal tirade of volcanic heat and intensity would complete the emotional eruption. 

To head that off, Sapphire forced herself to smile and asked, “Weren’t we going to see this field of yours? ”

Ruby froze in mid-bounce, knees still bent, and stared at her. He straightened up with a jerk, looking left and right, and then wordlessly pointed at his feet. Sapphire felt as bewildered as Ruby looked, but he offered no further explanation then to gesture again at the ground. Plants with spade shaped leaves grew in clumps everywhere. They clustered tenaciously around Ruby’s knees and crowded out the grass to form little islands of bright green. Oh. She looked at her own feet and took a step back, freeing a smaller and pathetically squashed potato plant. Despite knowing that any field Ruby found would have been abandoned for years, she’d somehow expected something that looked more like a garden and less like an overgrown meadow. 

Her cheeks felt hot from embarrassment and Sapphire was sure she was blushing, but Ruby was carefully looking in every direction other than hers. He cleared his throat loudly and made a few stuttering attempts to speak, finally forcing out, “ So...um...yes. Field! Yeah, uh, here’s the field. It’s a little rough, I admit, but it’s a good field. There’s potatoes and carrots and onions and I think maybe some other things, but it’s hard to tell. It’s spread out everywhere. A mixed salad ready for picking! I guess. I mean.” Words tumbled from his lips, crashing together in places until the individual syllables blurred together in their haste to emerge and then choking off as Ruby wracked his mind for something coherent to fill the silence with. 

He paced the length of the field, stepping over and around plants, before dropping to his knees. Ruby dug his fingers into the ground at the base of a plant, loosening the soil around the roots. The tension in his posture relaxed, the contact with the ground and activity always seemed to soothe him. Yet another quirk Sapphire had learned without meaning to. For now she would listen to him ramble about digging potatoes and his concerns that they couldn’t eat any of the other vegetables raw, something about how they hadn’t had food in too long and he didn’t trust that they could handle more than the potatoes yet. She let the words fall on her like a warm summer rain onto dry ground, while looking around from the higher vantage point the hill offered. 

What she saw made her breath catch in her throat. Ruby heard the sharp intake of breath and broke off in mid-word, jumping to his feet and coming to where she stood. Firmly, but gently, Sapphire gripped his chin between her fingers and turned his head in the direction she was looking. He gave her a puzzled look, but didn’t resist the guidance of her hand. She let go when she felt his jaw fall slack. Her tone was dry, but there was a wry smile on her lips when she said, “I think you missed something.”

There was a small town further downstream. They both stared into the distance looking for signs of life. There was no movement, no smoke from fires. No sound of human activity was carried to them on the wind. Ruby’s fingers brushed against the back of her hand, where it hung at her side, and she lifted it to shade her eyes. After a few more moments of consideration, she said “ It’s abandoned, but it’s still worth seeing if anything useful was left behind.” Ruby nodded at her suggestion, but she remembered the anguish finding the wagon had caused. She could see the warning signs of misery gathering in the corners of his mouth and the stiff line of his shoulders. 

“I’ll go.” Ruby visibly startled at the clear, decisive words and Sapphire couldn’t blame him. She wasn’t sure where such an impulsive offer had come from, but the desperate gratitude in Ruby’s eyes made it feel like the score was even. To avoid letting either of them dwell on it, she briskly added, “I think we covered the extent of my skill with plants when I found the hemlock. I’ve no desire to be poisoned and even less desire to play in the dirt. I’ll be back before nightfall.” 

Easier said than done. Her legs were already cramping from the exertion of walking this far and the odds of her getting as far as the town were slim. She made it halfway across the field, chin high and dignity mostly intact except for one small stumble, when Ruby called out her name. Sapphire ignored it until Garnet trotted up behind her and almost knocked her to the ground when their shoulders bumped together. Ruby darted around from the other side and held both palms up. “Woah here!” It was debatable which one of them the sheriff was talking to, but Sapphire gave him the benefit of the doubt. Once she stopped moving, Ruby patted Garnet’s neck and nodded to the mare’s bare back. He laced his fingers together and kneeled down, offering her his cupped hands in place of a stirrup. “Take Garnet. I know you're probably not used to riding without a saddle, but she's very well trained and you just use the same leg and weight cues. I've been letting her be lazy these last few days and she could use the exercise.” 

Sapphire allowed herself to be boosted onto Garnet’s back. It was less painful to her pride than having to admit the truth. The sheriff just tipped his hat and wished them a nice day. His grin said he enjoyed the absurdity and she replied with a sarcastic wave of her fingers. Ruby’s laughter followed them down the hill and the gurgling of the stream added it’s own cheerful note as that faded away. It was still early enough to be cool; the sun was nothing more than a sparkle on the water and a pleasant warmth on her back. Riding without a saddle was a new experience and Sapphire tested it carefully. The touch of her heels against Garnet’s ribs did nothing to increase the pace. More insistent prodding was met with a twitching of skin, as if the mare felt a gnat. Garnet shook out her mane and looked back at her rider, giving her a slow blink, before facing forward again. She paused to crop the head off a dandelion and abled on. At least they were going in the right direction. 

The lack of control was unsettling to the woman on a very basic level, but sitting completely rigid, as if she expected to be thrown at any second by a completely placid horse, made her feel foolish. She gradually relaxed into the motion, trying to find a comfortable position. With a saddle in the way, you couldn't feel the bunching and stretching of muscles or the body heat radiating through your clothes. She looked back, but there was no one in the world to see her. Hesitantly, Sapphire leaned down until her stomach was stretched along the mare’s spine and wrapped her arms around the heavy neck. She pressed her face into warm fur and inhaled the scent of clean horse. The steady rise and fall of Garnet’s barrel was against her own frailer rib cage; the deep, even breaths became her own as her mind and body relaxed. Sapphire lay her full weight against something much stronger than herself and it was...good. 

Sapphire felt peaceful by the time they reached the falling down remains of the ghost town. True, she had to wipe sweat and horsehair off her face. She also had to wrestle her trousers and skirts back into place in a most unladylike way, but the only one who knew would never tell the tale. The small stream they’d followed flowed past the buildings and ended in what must once been a lake. From where she stood, it looked more like a grass filled basin. If they’d run low on water for the town and the surrounding farmlands, it would explain why the town was abandoned. The buildings were overgrown with weeds at the foundations and the single street of packed dirt, which they lines on both sides, was partly reclaimed by verdancy. Most had enjoyed the luxury of glass windows, although many of the panes were broken, and the few doors that remained hung open. They’d been ransacked by both man and beast, no doubt, but she wasn’t looking for anything valuable enough to steal. She stood very still and listened. 

“Hello! Is anyone here?”, she called out, using her diaphragm and projecting the sound as loudly as possible. Sapphire pulled her knife from its sheath and held it low, hidden in the folds of her skirt. She repeated the call at each house, listening for movement more than a response. The first building on her left was a general store that took up twice the space as any of the others, except for one at the end. That one was a church and behind it was the reason Ruby didn’t need to come. A yard enclosed by a knee-high iron fence held multiple tombstones. There were too many for such a small town. She stepped over the rusted railing and bent over each stone, reading the dates. The majority gave an ending date of 4 years previous, confirming her suspicions that something more than a serious drought had wiped this town off the map. What, though? 

She looked to the lake, as overgrown and dead as the town it had once given life to, and an idea began to form. If the lake had dried slowly, at some point it would have become a massive marsh. The shallow, muddy water could have become a breeding ground for disease and biting insects, especially if the prior winter had been mild. The fine hairs on the backs of her arms and neck stood on end, itching from the phantom feeling of insects on her skin. Any epidemic was long over, but illness had a special sort of horror for her. An invisible enemy that could kill anyone at any time; something you couldn’t totally guard against or reliably fight off. 

Garnet was waiting for her on the other side of the fence. She whuffled into the woman’s hair and Sapphire patted her neck, jumping away when she felt a tongue drag across her forehead and slick part of her bangs back. Somehow her shriek of disgust sounded more like laughter when it echoed down the empty street and her grimace at being slobbered on felt more like a smile. Sapphire grabbed the mare’s muzzle in both hands and pushed Garnet away, but scratching under her chin at the same time probably wasn’t discouraging. “I’m okay! Enough. Enough! My hair is already a mess.” 

There’d been a time, not so long ago, when Sapphire had impeccable manners. She wiped the drool off her forehead and scrubbed it off on her skirt. Her hair was raked more or less back into place and then she marched back to the center of the street. Garnet followed, which was just as well. She already felt out of breath and she appreciated having something to lean against without having to ask for that help. Sapphire studied each building meticulously. She probably only had the energy to search one today, but picking a likely target had never been a problem for her. The general store and the building that looked like it might have been a diner or a saloon weren’t good picks; business owners tended to keep tight account of their stock. The building that looked like a small bank wouldn’t have the kind of objects she was looking for and neither would what might have been a schoolhouse. An abandoned farmstead would have been more ideal, but people like that also tended to mind what little they had. No, the private home of a wealthier sort of person might have left things behind in their haste. A person can drop the small things and run when they know they can afford to buy more down the road.

Sapphire decided to focus on the building across from the general store. It was a two story building in reasonable condition and it had the look of a home. She rationalized that the more space there was, the higher the odds of something being forgotten in a corner or cupboard would be, but the view from the threshold was less promising than she'd hoped. The first room took up the front of the house and it was barren. Dust had settled on top of debris from the open doorframe and windows. A staircase took up one side of the room and another open doorframe gave a glimpse into the back of the house. She stayed close to the wall and walked around the room’s perimeter rather than crossing the floor. The boards looked sound, but if they weren’t and there was a cellar then a little caution could be worth her life. 

The back portion of the house was given over to a kitchen and pantry area. A small trap door in the pantry lead down to a narrow root cellar. Sapphire searched them all and found nothing. The cabinets and shelves were as empty as the main room - not even a turning spit remained in the fireplace. Disappointment was setting in her heart like the dust that coated every surface, but stubbornness drove her onward and up the stairs that groaned dangerously under her weight. With so little air flow, the main floor had been hot, but the upstairs was absolutely stifling. It had been divided into two bedrooms and the first thing she did was wrench the windows open in both to get some cross-ventilation. Nothing. Again. Nothing but mold and dust and a heat so oppressive that she felt at once wild from it and yet ready to faint. She missed the coolness of the house in the hill and the irritation of knowing she’d been humbled to this point made her want to hurt something.

The wall was indifferent to being kicked, but her foot definitely hurt. Stupid. Of course it would. She kicked the wall again for good measure and landed on her butt when a portion of the wood gave away under her boot. Sapphire had barely begun stringing together enough expletives to express herself when she realized the hole was perfectly square. She’d somehow managed to kick the panel to a crawl space loose. Luck had abandoned her. It wasn’t possible that anything worthwhile was left, but Sapphire got down on her hands and knees and peered into the darkness. Her hands shook as she pulled out a small wooden box.

A moth-eaten ragdoll lay in the box on top of a handkerchief. Sapphire’s finger gently traced the button eyes and the fraying threads of it’s smile, before setting it in her lap. The handkerchief showed the clumsy hemming of a beginner and it covered a set of battered tin items. Two cups and four plates, scratched and worn, but perfect for a playing games of pretend. Tucked among them were bits of ribbon, bird feathers, a scattering of dried flowers, and rocks dappled with shiny flecks of quartz. A child’s most cherished treasures, buried and forgotten. Sapphire wondered, had it been forgotten in the rush to leave or did that child take the secret of its location with them when they'd been buried themselves?

There was something profound and philosophical about the misfortune of one life benefitting another’s when it was most needed, that a person never really knew how far the actions of their life would carry on past the limited scope of their days, but it was too hot to sit around being impractical. Sapphire took the cups and plates. Still, the sight of the forlorn looking doll, tucked back into the box with the handkerchief, made her throat feel painfully tight. The panel wasn’t broken, so she put the box back where she found it and fitted the wood into place. Except for some disturbed dust, there was no sign she’d been there or what she’d found. And what she didn’t tell Ruby wouldn't hurt him. 

In the end, Sapphire carried what she’d taken downstairs and out onto the back porch. It was cooler in the open shade and she propped herself up against one of the posts holding up the overhang. Sweat itched in every place where skin overlapped or cloth could rub. The stream ran just past the fenced yard but, however desperately thirsty and filthy she felt, it was too far for her aching body to reach. It sparkled temptingly through the gaps in the fence, where the boards had fallen away and the prairie had crept in. The chicken coop had been torn apart, likely by curious coyotes long after the feathered occupants had moved on, and the kitchen garden was overrun by weeds. Some herbs and vegetables might have survived, but she didn't have the energy or the knowledge to sort one leaf from another. Sapphire turned her face away from the world and gratefully lost track of it.


	13. Alcoholics Do That Too

Consciousness returned with a painful jolt. Habit screamed to be still, to assess before she moved, and Sapphire froze in place instead of the scrambling rush to her feet that fear demanded. Nothing around her was familiar at first, but memory slowly filled in the gaps and Sapphire was appalled to realize she'd fallen asleep on the porch. In broad daylight, out in the open where any lurking wild animals or even other human beings might creep up on her, she’d made herself easy prey. Nothing moved beyond the rapid rise and fall of her ribs. No sound could be heard except the distant calling of birds and the murmuring of the stream. Satisfied that she was still alone, Sapphire pressed a shaking hand to her heart as if she could slow the painful beating by smothering it from the outside. 

Now that the disorientation and panic had faded, her muscles felt stiff and numb from sleep. Sapphire carefully stretched out her legs and climbed to her feet, glancing at the sky. The sun had sunk towards the western horizon. She’d been asleep for hours. The need to get back before the humiliation of Ruby coming to find her almost made her miss something significant. When she did realize what she was seeing wedged into the corner between the porch and the wall, Sapphire almost fell on her face in her scramble across the boards. What had looked like a flower pot, half buried in the dirt, was an old pot. She couldn’t trust in her luck until her fingers touched cold iron and gripped it tightly. 

Pulling at the rim was useless, so Sapphire dropped to her knees and dug at the soil around it. The earth was hard packed and parched by the sun; it fought her for the pot and her fingers ached from the effort, but she was nothing if not determined. When at last she pulled the iron pot into her lap, clasping the heavy weight with both arms, she was panting and filthy. And satisfied. A sizable dent in the side explained why it had been consigned to the garden, but she didn’t need it to look pretty or even to sit straight on a flat surface. Once she’d knocked the last of the dirt off, Sapphire dropped the cups and plates inside and carried it around the house into the street. Garnet was nowhere to be seen. Of course not, she thought, of course the horse would wander off! Fear returned, prickling at her nerves, until Sapphire had to set down the pot and call for the mare.

“Garnet!” she yelled, looking around, and tried again in an even louder voice, “Garnet!” She thought she heard something from the end of the street and Sapphire ran towards the lake turned meadow. Garnet was belly deep in the thick grass, but broke into a gallop when Sapphire screamed her name again. The mare raced towards her, bushy tail flagged and kicking her heels, and skidded to a halt in front of Sapphire. She half rose on her hind legs and Sapphire flinched backwards. The mare’s ears weren’t laid back, but garnet danced backwards a few paces and performed another mock run that took the mare past her and into Sapphire's blind spot. Sapphire couldn’t understand the inexplicable aggression until Garnet's bulky shoulder bumped into her back and the mare rubbed the side of her face into her shoulder. Playing. Garnet was trying to play with her. She should have been angry. Or out of patience, at least. Instead she felt weak with relief and threw both arms around Garnet’s neck. A laugh bubbled up from deep inside her chest and suddenly the ache in her fingers was nothing against the urge to drag them through the mare’s fur. Someone liked her. Sapphire didn’t need to be liked or wanted, but someone did. She thought back on the way Ruby had smiled at her and the giddy rush of feeling became the dizzying nausea of too much wine drunk too quickly. 

Sapphire pushed the mare away, gently, and took a deep breath. So far, she had more than she’d hoped for and she hadn’t lost Ruby’s horse, so her next objective was getting back to the dugout with everything. If Garnet had been wearing her tack, Sapphire might have found a way to secure the pot to the saddle and let the much stronger animal haul it home. It was going to be a very long walk back. She idled at the edge of the town, picking up the pot, adjusting her grip, and dropping it again to smooth down the ragged edges of her skirt. In the end, it was the the desperate little whisper in her head, a tired voice that wanted nothing more than to just go home and get Ruby to help, that drove her to lift the pot one more time and stagger down the path. Garnet walked beside her and, at each of her frequent stops to catch her breath, Sapphire allowed herself to lean against the mare until she could stand on her own again. In that slow, but companionable way, they reached the dugout as the last light of day was fading away.

She saw Ruby before he noticed them. He was pacing along the stream bank and she thought he was speaking to himself, but in the next moment he’d seen them and he came running just as Garnet had raced to meet her before. 

“There you are! I was really starting to get worried, Sapph! Here, let me get that for you,” Ruby was talking and moving too fast again, words tumbling over each other in his eagerness and reaching out to her with both hands. The pot was lifted from her arms before she could protest and taken out of reach before she could snatch it back. She could have slapped him for the impudence or wept in relief to no longer be holding such a heavy burden, so she did neither. Ruby rambled on, delighted and already heading back to the bank, “This is amazing! So the town was abandoned? Oh, never mind, you must be tired! Go inside! Get something to eat and I’ll wash this. You can tell me after that!” 

Her stomach growled it’s agreement. It was pointless to argue; Ruby already had the pot submerged in the stream and was vigorously scrubbing it with a handful of sand. Sapphire took a moment to scratch along Garnet’s neck, lingering in the twilight to watch the first stars spark into existence. Her eyes dropped back to earth to watch the young man bent over the water, so much closer and warmer than the distant sky. Sapphire turned away, unwilling to pursue that thought, and took care of her needs. Her stomach twisted in hunger when she saw the roasted potatoes on the table, but she resisted being controlled. Not by Ruby and certainly not by her own body. Her boots were unlaced and neatly set under the table. The dirt floor felt cool and soft under her stockinged feet and she took her time shaking out her skirts and smoothing her blouse. Ruby came in carrying the dripping pot and gave her a confused look when he saw the food was still on the table. He set the pot down on the table and spread the plates and cups out beside it, fiddling with the arrangement and trying to watch her covertly. He wasn’t very good at it so, in her infinite mercy, Sapphire spared him the attempted subtly. 

“What?” Sapphire phrased it as a question, but the tone was a warning. Ruby fumbled the plate he was holding and then thumped it down on the table in front of her. He grabbed another plate, stacked two potatoes on it, and went to sit by the hearth instead. She thought he meant to leave her in peace until he spoke.

“I know you’re tired, but you don’t need to be so cranky about it.” Sapphire felt her jaw drop, but Ruby just made himself comfortable on the floor and tucked into dinner. He patted the ground beside him and continued casually, “Look, just sit down and eat. You’ll feel better once you’re full and then we can get some sleep. Any stories you’ve got to share will keep until tomorrow.” 

Sapphire opened her mouth to deliver a scathing retort, but nothing came of it except the wrenching huff of someone knocked breathless. How dare he speak to her like a ...a child! Who did he think he was, she mentally ranted, and more importantly, “Who do you think you’re talking to?!”

“A very stubborn human being who is tired and hungry,” Ruby answered, as if he wasn’t speaking to a woman who had killed men twice his size. Men who had presented far more of a challenge than some farm-grown, milk-fed manchild who liked to dig potatoes and play lawman. It was as much of an outrage as treating a tiger like a housecat. Oblivious to her ire, Ruby shrugged. “If you want to sit over there, fine. I just thought it might be easier to talk over dinner if we sat together.” He waited politely for an answer before carrying on with the conversation by himself. “You know, I didn’t think you’d be able to find something like a pot, but this could let us use some of the other vegetables that are out there. Would you be willing to use that knife you keep under your skirt to cut things up for stew?”

“What...did you say?” All the heat that had gathered in her face, all the indignation, was washed away in a cold rush of fear. She’d stood up to march over there and give the little pest a piece of her mind, but now she found the back of her knees hitting the bench as she backed away. 

“Would you chop vegetables? I guess you're worried about dulling the blade. Or is it about dulling your reputation?” Some remote corner of Saphire’s mind recognized that Ruby’s tone was teasing and that he was genuinely unaware of the significance of his words or how they had impacted her. As all thought around it ground to a halt, that part cut itself free from the anchors of panic and of self. Thoughts ran faster and clearer without the inconvenience of feelings. It noted that Ruby had turned around and that his eyes were wide, all traces of laughter were gone. One of his hands lifted towards her and his voice sounded alarmed. “Hey, are you o- oh, Sapphire, what’s wrong? Maybe you should sit down?” 

It acknowledged that, although he reached for her, he did not come any closer. Good. The bench was still digging into the back of her knees and sitting down did sound like a logical idea compared to falling down. Sitting down so abruptly might have hurt if she could feel, but Sapphire folded her hands in her lap and allowed that other part of her control. It stumbled only briefly over the contradiction that was Ruby, someone who could make the most astute observations and yet not perceive the obvious importance of them, and focused on what could have given her away. No scenario made sense: she had never drawn it in his presence and it wasn’t visible under her skirts, no witness had ever seen her knife and lived long enough to spread its location. Could he have - when she had been unconscious would he - her skirts would have been easy to lift. Her mind flinched from that thought. Hairline cracks were forming in the detached calm, so theory needed to be discarded for fact. It asked, coldly, cautiously, “How did you find out I had a knife, Ruby? Answer honestly, I need to know.”

Ruby shook his head and grumbled something under his breath about how was he supposed to know what was and wasn’t a secret, but obliged her by dropped back into a tailor seat on the floor. “It's easier for me to explain using an example. It'll make sense when I'm finished, so please don't interrupt.” When she gave him a curt nod, Ruby took a deep breath and continued, “You know how you can tell where an alcoholic keeps their alcohol? Every time they get real shook up over something, they reach for whatever pocket they keep a flask in or they look to where they keep a bottle stashed. You reach for the same place every time you get nervous. I figured you weren’t actually an alcoholic or you’d have been a mess by now, so what would someone with a violent reputation always be reaching for when they felt insecure?” 

It sounded so simple when Ruby explained it; like the bigger surprise was that other people hadn’t guessed. Except no one had been near her long enough to see a pattern of behavior. If she was honest, she’d spent more time with Ruby than she’d spent with anyone in a decade. The prairie had seen to that. But she felt the need to point out one detail, one inescapably large detail, that Ruby wasn’t covering. “You knew I had a weapon and you let me keep it.” He had knowingly laid down next to an armed murderer and had slept peacefully. She couldn’t believe that he was that hopelessly stupid, not now, and nothing about his manner suggested enough arrogance to think a mere woman, even armed, couldn’t pose a threat. Yet he had lived. Even with her hands closed around his throat and the deepest sleep of all looming, he had lived and she had let him. 

“I didn’t exactly think you’d hand it over all peacefully if I said please, Sapph,” Ruby answered. The joke was empty of humor and his dark eyes were fixed steadily on her. “Either one of us, or even both of us, could have ended up badly hurt or dead if there was a struggle over it. Why would I risk that?” 

So the good sheriff was neither a fool nor so puffed up by pride that he didn’t recognize the danger. That set him a cut above the rest and his logic was sound, except for one thing. She could have allowed the topic to drop, because if he hadn’t thought of it by then it was ruinous to give him ideas when she was still this weak, but the need to know was unbearable. “There was a point when you wouldn’t have had to fight me for it.” 

The moment she said it, Ruby recoiled. The breath he’d been holding hissed through his teeth in anger and he snapped back,“Oh, you mean why didn’t I take advantage of you at your weakest moment to steal the only thing that seems to give you comfort or security?! Don’t insult me.” 

For the life of her, Sapphire didn’t know how or why it was an insult. She’d pointed out the most logical course of action for Ruby to have taken and the only person who should have felt distress or distaste at the thought was her. It was her body, her knife, and her safety versus his own. Ruby seemed to be working himself up into a fine state of outrage, hands fisted on his knees and glaring up at her. 

Suddenly, Ruby’s hands unclenched and slapped down on his thighs. The sharp sound almost jolted her off the bench and Ruby, having grabbed her attention, held onto it. “No! Don’t you do that ... that … thing where you start listening to yourself think and dismissing whatever I’m saying. Listen to what the real me says instead of what you think I’m saying or that I should be saying! There’s not a whole damn lot of comfort out here and, as long as you weren’t threatening me with the knife, I don’t have a reason take away what little you have. That’s too cruel for me to stomach.” 

Sapphire assumed that was the end of it when Ruby’s hands fell back into his lap. He seemed incapable of expressing himself without emphasizing words with gestures and she’d wondered more than once if he’d be struck speechless if his hands were pinned down, but that was just a harmless tangent that deflected from the real situation. She’d realized Ruby was picking up on her habits, but this conversation revealed a far deeper understanding. The only thing preventing panic was the detachment of her thoughts and the oddity that was Ruby. That he would imply he valued how she felt over his own safety was absurd and the idea that her knife was a comfort object, like she was a child clinging to a favored toy or doll -

“But it’s a little sad, Sapphire,” he interrupted. The solemn cadence of his voice held her attention gently, but no less firmly than his outburst had. Ruby clasped his fingers together and bowed low over them. He wasn’t looking at her anymore and she got the impression he was speaking as much to himself as to her. “I’ve at least had Garnet for comfort, but you’ve just had a cold, soulless object. Something that’s taken more lives than I really want to know and, from where I stand, seems to have dominated yours.”

The ability to divide people into neatly defined categories, threat and non-threat, smart or stupid, tool or useless, had given her a sense of calmness and security. When she knew each variable and how it changed the game, then she also knew what strategy to use and that it would work. No questions. No doubts. Ruby’s stubborn resistance to being placed in any single category made him, in a sense, the most dangerous person she’d met and Sapphire wasn’t so irrational that she didn’t see the irony in him also being the most harmless. Feelings and fear came hand in hand, so Sapphire did as she had often done. She chose to focus on the facts. 

The fact was the anxiety building up under the mask was crossing the threshold where it could be contained. Sapphire also realized her hand was resting over where her knife was hidden, just as Ruby had said. And Ruby was watching her hand. There was no fear in his eyes, only the same misery and grief that she’d seen when they stood over the settler’s graves. Something in her chest twisted so hard that the pain drove Sapphire to her feet and, in a single smooth motion, drew her knife. They both watched the gleam of the firelight dance along the sharpened edge as she held it out between them. Ruby raised his chin, lips parting in a brief sigh, and deliberately looked away from the knife to her face. Maybe Sapphire was coming to know him just as well, because she understood that Ruby was going to wait for her to make a choice. He wasn’t going to take that away from her either. 

“You’re right. I don’t want to dull the edge,” Sapphire said. Ruby looked comically bewildered for a moment and the tension lifted like fog under the morning sun. He never did change, the trusting fool, more honor and sentimentality than sense, and she honestly didn’t want him to. She’d be a worse fool if she was willing to live controlled by anything. She flipped the knife from hand to hand; Ruby curiously and fearlessly watching it arc through the air. She would control the knife and not the other way around. As brusquely as the blade had appeared, it disappeared back into its hidden sheath. “I’ll see if I can find a knife in town you can use to chop roots and whatever else you’re digging up.” 

The charade was over, so there was one other thing she could do now. The knots securing her wrapped over-skirt hadn’t been untied since she’d started this little adventure and they were hard to work loose. The knots on the underskirt were no easier. By the time she’d shaken both out and thrown them over the grass in the bed box, which she noticed Ruby had topped off with a fresh load of grass, the young man was staring at her with his mouth hanging open. Sapphire stood, still completely covered by her trousers and stockings, and soaked in the blessed relief from heat. The sheathed knife was clearly visible against her thigh. She brought her fingers together in pantomime of a closing mouth and Ruby obeyed so fast his teeth audibly clicked together. He seemed so lost and uncertain that she almost laughed, but Sapphire finally had mercy on him and explained, “Have you ever tried wearing layered skirts in the summer? It’s hotter than hell and I’m tired of enduring it. Since I’m not going to be using these any time soon, they may as well be put to use. Don’t you think so?” 

Ruby covered his face with both hands and nodded. His shoulders were shaking. There was a noise that might have been frustration, a sort of deep groan, but when Ruby did look up he was laughing and shaking his head. Sapphire offered them a crooked smile and said,“You’re welcome.”


	14. You’re Not Very Good At Your Job

Sapphire had gone to sleep with every intention of returning to town in the morning, but she knew her plans had been ruined even before her eyes opened. The world around her was filled by the steady drumming of rain and the scent of damp earth, but in her little hole in the hill it was warm and dry. There was a weight on her upper arm that could only be Ruby’s hand and Sapphire turned her head just enough to confirm that. He’d curled closer during the night, which was not unusual, but he’d never gotten quite this close. Ruby’s nose was flattened against the point of her shoulder, muffling the little snores and snufflings that she’d grown used to, and she was fairly certain he was drooling on the skirts she’d spread out to cover the grass. Her skirts. Sapphire lifted a hand to push him away, but after some hesitation let it drop back onto her stomach. 

The ache in every sleep-stiff muscle and joint defied any attempt to pretend yesterday’s little adventure hadn’t been beyond her strength. It had been a long time since she’d felt this kind of weakness, this level of vulnerability in both body and mind, but the tiny, isolated world of sunshine and endless grassland she found herself in was too disassociated from reality for her to care. It felt as pointless as being spooked by a passing daydream. All was languor and light that had been washed free of its color and intensity by the rain. Sleep, after abandoning her for nearly a decade, had barged into her life much as Ruby had: unannounced and unasked for. When her eyes closed and she peacefully surrendered to sleep, it was because that was a part of her life which had become necessary as well. 

And when she opened them again, to Ruby’s wild whoops and laughter outside, it was with the violent urge to strangle her companion. Her trouser leg caught on the bed frame in her rush to get up and get her hands around their scrawny neck. The unexpected halt in forward momentum sent her sprawling hard enough to knock her breath out. Sapphire ignored the pain and how disheveled she must look, just as she ignored the steaming potatoes stacked neatly on the table, and stormed out into the rain to see what fresh insanity was being foisted on her now. She felt much like a raging tempest herself. 

Ruby stood on the stream bank. He was splattered with mud and wearing a grin as radiant as the sun; an expression that brightened when he first spotted her and then quickly clouded when she dashed across the distance to push him backwards into the stream. She had to give him credit, though; Ruby had fast reflexes. His hands locked around her wrists and pulled her right into the water after him. For just a moment she was under water and there was nothing but foaming chaos and a warm body that made the surrounding water feel that much colder. Sound was muted, distorted, but then she was pushed up and her head broke the surface. The grip that had trapped her was now the grip that held her safe from the current, but she fought it either way because … because she didn’t know why. Every instinct rebelled against being held. 

Then Ruby let go. As abruptly as he’d grabbed her, he let go and leaned back on his hands. And he was laughing. Ruby was laughing and shaking his dark, curly head like a shaggy dog and throwing water everywhere. Including into her face. A loud neighing from the bank answered the laughter and Ruby waved over her shoulder at the prancing horse. The massive hooves kicked up mud and the mare’s coat was as filthy as her owner, her belly and legs so mired that her black points weren’t even visible. God damn it if the horse didn’t leap in too and throw more water on her. With all the dignity of a drenched cat, she hissed at Ruby and crawled back onto the grass. 

“Aw, come on, Sapph! We’re just playing! Come back!” Ruby stood and Garnet knocked him down again with a well placed push of her muzzle. He went with splash and a whoop of delight. The mare echoed him with equal enthusiasm. 

Sapphire decided to cut her losses and go back inside, but she couldn’t help lingering in the doorway and watching from its relative safety. Horse and human chased each other in and out of the stream, across the grass. Into the mud. Garnet would race up to Ruby and then shy away, just out of arm’s length. She’d then kick up her heels and dart away again, head up and tail held high like a bedraggled flag. Much to Ruby’s chagrin, she also picked the muddiest patch of earth and rolled in it. No, she wallowed in it with all four legs in the air. When Garnet was satisfied, and not a heartbeat sooner, she heaved herself up and shook. Ruby’s protests took on a more genuine note of disapproval as Garnet shared generously of the mud. Sapphire smirked. 

“Hey! You there. I see you over there laughing at me.” Ruby was yelling louder than necessary, but she understood now that it wasn’t aggression. He was happy and, odd as it was, she was being invited in on the joke. “But at this point Garnet needs a bath and I do too. While I’m at it, I’m going to scrub my clothes. If you don’t want to see that, you’d best go back inside. Unless you want a bath too?”

Or maybe the joke was on her. Sapphire’s cheeks were burning as she firmly turned her back and stomped inside. It wasn’t easy to drag the heavy bench in front of the fire, but it allowed her to vent some of the indignity she felt. Of all the nerve! The tin plate clanged when she slammed it down on the bench and Sapphire selected the first hapless spud. That bug-bitten, raggedy, shameless little potato picker was laughing at her! If he thought for one moment she was interested in seeing what was under his clothes then the summer heat had truly had robbed him of what few wits he possessed. And to imply she, a grown woman of class and distinction, would disrobe in front of him and bathe in the stream!? Never mind that Sapphire was certain she stank and she had been trying to avoid dwelling on how filthy she truly was for quite a while now. Sapphire sat there, back absolutely rigid, and never once turned her head in the direction of the splashing. Her wounded pride and scandalized sensibilities made poor company for the wait and she was still fuming when Ruby knocked on the door frame. 

“Can I come in?”

Sapphire folded her arms and glared at a tiny ember that had rolled onto the hearth. She asked, sharply, “Are you dressed?” When Ruby timidly answered that he was, she allowed an icy silence to express her contempt. Only when she heard Ruby begin to fidget did she deign to speak to him again. “Only a fool stands out in the rain in his clothes. Are you a fool?” 

There was an aggravated sigh behind her and Ruby sat down on the bench. Squelched down, really. He was dripping on her. Sapphire scooted over to put more room between them, but she didn’t like the speculative look Ruby was giving her. It wasn’t the kind of look she was used to getting from other men, but it generally meant that Ruby was about to say something uncomfortably insightful. She considered pushing him off the bench.

“I was thinking …”

“How remarkable,” Sapphire interrupted. It unnerved her, the steady look Ruby was giving her. The flickering firelight reflected in his dark eyes and the hair on the back of her arms stood on end. There was a determination there that she wasn’t sure she had the strength to match any more and she instinctively leaned away. It was tiny, a movement that was barely perceptible, but just like that, Ruby blinked and turned away. She could have hated him for showing compassion, because it meant he had seen a weakness, but mostly she just appreciated the relief from tension. He wasn’t going to try and intimidate her. Sapphire picked up her plate and the forgotten potato and tried to finish her meal in peace. 

“I was thinking that, for someone who is supposed to be this big time seductress, conning men out of their money and their lives, you’re...really… um,” Ruby hesitated. “Bodyshy?” 

She choked on the bite of cold potato she had be about to swallow. “Ruby, so help me, I’m -” The rest was lost as she coughed until her eyes watered. She tried again, but any attempt at speaking only made it worse. Ruby first tried patting her awkwardly on the back, but after she dug her fingernails into his shoulder, he gave up the attempt and instead dipped a cup of cold water from the pot standing on the table. When she could breathe again without her throat spasming and sending her back into fits, she wheezed out, “Explain.”

“I mean… well… you don’t really like being touched. You're wrapped up in so many layers that the only skin anyone can see is your face and even that you mostly cover with your hair. You might as well wear a nun’s habit, except I think you’re even less suited for that job. Sunday confessional would end up scaring the priest into an early grave. You tense up when you even think someone might touch you. Hell, you practically ran inside when I said I was going to take my clothes off and I’m pretty sure there’s nothing about my body that you aren’t already familiar with seeing.” Ruby rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged. “I just really don’t understand how you successfully seduced anyone.”

Every time Sapphire thought she’d reached the absolute pinnacle of being offended by Ruby’s frank and unflattering character analysis of her, it turned out the worst had yet to come. It was irksome enough to be seen through by an uneducated hayseed, but that he had the gall to tell her she was bad at something she’d made a science of! “What does a farmer who thinks he’s a sheriff know about seduction?”

Ruby didn’t bristle as he normally did. He didn’t lose his temper and his face didn’t go blotchy red with emotion. Instead, he turned that unnervingly level gaze on her again and said, “ I’m not a farmer, Sapphire, and I never have been. I’ve also spent enough time in a brothel to know what kind of performance a professional is capable of.”

“You? You can’t be serious,” Sapphire exclaimed. She didn’t even care that her voice sounded too shrill and that it was undignified. The suggestion was just too preposterous! “The only way I’d ever believe you ended up in a brothel is if it was an accident.”

“Eh, you’re not wrong,” Ruby chuckled, not the least bit discouraged. “I was visiting a city down south and I asked a local where I could find cheap lodgings. Where they sent me wasn’t a hotel and it definitely wasn’t cheap.”

Ruby must have taken her incredulous expression as an invitation to keep going, because he launched into the full story with considerably more enthusiasm than she felt was appropriate for the topic and for something that should have humiliated him.

“The Madam and ladies were very nice, once I explained the misunderstanding and they stopped laughing. Honestly, it was pretty funny all around and it turned out one of the men who kept an eye on the patrons had the influenza. They needed someone to fill in for a bit, so they offered me room and board. They said they’d feed and stable Garnet too, plus a little bit extra in my pocket for my efforts. It was a really fancy place, Sapph! Fancier than anywhere I’d ever been, at any rate. After they closed the doors for the night, something like four in the morning, they set me up in the parlor with a shotgun to remind people they weren’t open for business again until evening. They had the comfiest piece of furniture called a...a chaise! It was all over in velvet, with velvet cushions with fringe on them. The Madam said it was all stuffed with the best down feathers and I believe her.”

“Anyway, I watched the ladies flirting with their clients and they were very convincing. They offered to give me a discount one night when things were slow, but I don’t have a taste for sex without a relationship or enough to pay them and leave a decent tip. They thought that was funny too, but they still offered me some advice free of charge, which was really very neighborly of them. They sent me off in style too! Braided all sorts of flowers and ribbons in Garnet’s mane and tail. We looked fit to lead a parade!”

If she was the sort to have strange and nonsensical dreams, Sapphire might have suspected she had fallen back to sleep while waiting for Ruby to finish washing. This conversation didn't feel like it should be taking place in reality. Someone as unworldly as Ruby shouldn’t be casually discussing living in a whorehouse and sharing shoptalk with prostitutes. Was he so indescribably guileless that the finer points of the situation went over his head? But Ruby wasn’t stupid, that much was clear. It was frightening how observant he was and what leaps of intuition he could make. Sapphire found herself, once again, struggling to place Ruby in any single category and failing so miserably that she lost track of everything else. The sound of Ruby tapping his knuckles on the bench called her attention back to the conversation. 

His expression had taken on life and humor as he’d gotten caught up in the dramatic retelling of his city adventures, but now Ruby faced her seriously again. He didn’t speak until she brushed her hair away from her good eye and gave him eye contact. 

“So. If you ask me what I know, I know enough to look at a woman and see the very idea of physical contact upsets her. I know what strained flirting looks like. I know what comfortable confidence looks like and what it isn’t.” Ruby looked away, releasing her from the emotional hold he had kept her in by sheer force of personality and sincerity. Her breath stuttered in her throat oddly as she remembered to breathe and she looked down at her hands. They were clenched, white knuckled, in her lap. She tried to deny what he’d said. She should have denied it. Had to deny it. Sapphire couldn’t find the will or the words before Ruby nailed his point home. Gently. Sadly, as if the words hurt him to say as much as it hurt her to hear. 

“I mean this kindly, Sapphire, when I say that one attempt to seduce me was the worst performance I have ever seen. How did you ever convince one man after another that you were actually interested in them? What did you say? What did you do?”

“Most people only see what they want to see, Ruby.” Sapphire shook her head slowly. She was too tired and, somehow, it all seemed too long ago. Another lifetime. Another woman. Part of her didn’t want to touch those memories, didn’t want to open Pandora's box, so she kept it simple. She didn’t need the specific memories, but the words still left a bitter taste in her mouth. “The men I targeted were hunting just as carefully as I was. The difference is they were looking for weak prey and I wasn’t.”

“I played the part of a women lost and alone in the world. Sometimes I was the wealthy widow, looking for a new beau. Sometimes I was the traveling young woman on her way to find distant relatives. I was a hundred different women with a single thing in common - I had something they wanted. That something was not my thoughts or opinions. It sure as hell wasn’t my heart.” Sapphire scoffed at very idea of those heartless animals taking an interest in something without material worth. The shadows that she thought had been burned away by the prairie sun were gathering around her again. She felt chilled by them and even the cheerful crackling of the fire seemed muted. Ruby’s expression was troubled, but he was also listening. Sapphire kept that in mind. It helped. A little. “They talked about themselves, so all I needed to do was smile and nod at the right moments. It was that simple. I didn’t need to talk and I didn’t need to tell them yes. All I needed to possess was a body, and sometimes a wallet, that looked ripe for picking. ”

When Ruby opened his mouth, Sapphire predicted several possible outcomes. Most of them involved judgement of her actions and all of them were unpleasant. Instead, all he said was, “I want to hear your thoughts and opinions.” His shoulders rose and fell in a deep sigh and Ruby scrubbed at his face with his palms. Between his fingers, he mumbled, “It would be nice if you smiled at me too, once in a blue moon, but not if you didn’t mean it. It’s not worth anything if it’s not real.” 

“I know. You torment me on a routine basis for my most personal and private information.” 

Ruby’s head jerked up at her deadpan tone and he was just starting to stammer out an abject apology when he stopped short. Gradually, his expression of remorse faded away into first confusion and then hearty laughter. The corner of her mouth had crooked up into a teasing half smile and Ruby returned it with a grin bright enough to drive the shadows away.


	15. The Death of the Sheriff

Sapphire would never have guessed she'd miss the sun. It hadn't mean anything to her recently except scorching heat and a light so intense at times that she feared her good eye might go blind as well, but after three days of steady rain the woman longed for it’s warmth. Or, at least, Sapphire hated being perpetually cold and clammy. She'd never bought into the cliche of “you don't know what you had until it's gone” but at this point she could have made a decent argument in favor of the perversity of the human mind, which promptly forgets the faults of something once it is no longer present and exaggerates its previous benefits. Ruby, upon listening to her theory, said she was a remarkably pessimistic person and that she really shouldn't let the rain make her so sulky. Her counter argument involved his insufferably optimistic outlook and questioned the possibility of happiness when she was cold and wet. His closing point was that, as they were already damp and cold, they might as well take the pot outside and pick berries. Sapphire didn't quite follow the logic on that one but, after sitting alone for a while, she proved her initial theory by going outside to help. 

Her concession was accepted without comment, which was a wise choice on Ruby’s part. Any smile, any greeting, no matter how sincerely meant, would have felt antagonizing or smug. Instead, they shared companionable silence as they knelt in the wet grass. Even Garnet came over to add her friendly presence, watching curiously as the humans tried to gather blackberries with a minimum of bloodshed. It was her first time getting up close to blackberry...bushes? Vines? Sticks? Wickedly aggressive plant things covered in prickles that seemed hell bent on making her pay for her meal in blood. Sapphire winced and pulled her hand back. The skin on her hand and forearm were covered in stinging, red scratches. 

“I really hope this is worth it,” she grumbled. Ruby dropped a handful of blackberries in the pot sitting between them. He stuck a finger in his mouth, sucking off a deep crimson stain that was probably blackberry blood and not his own. Probably. 

Ruby shrugged and gave her a sideways glance, but all he said was, “I do too.” As cautiously as he reached into the tangle of leaves, there was still a strained little smile on his lips that gradually relaxed into an expression of contentment as he continued picking. Sapphire plucked some of the more easy to reach ones, but it was half hearted and she focused more on Ruby. He didn’t seem to mind a little pain in exchange for what he believed would be worthwhile. That understanding felt oddly personal and Sapphire didn’t want to explore why. Ruby spared her from needing to by speaking up again. “You know, when I was really young, we’d eat these by the handful and use a few of the overripe ones for paint. No flat surface was safe: rocks, scraps of wood, skin.But after berrying season there’s be so many pies and jams! It was one of my favorite times of year.”

There were memories she could share, if she’d cared to talk about her childhood with him. That little girl had been one of many children. She’d sometimes been hungry and she’d never owned a dress that hadn’t belonged to several people before it had been handed down to her. The adult woman knew her family had been poor, but the child had only known she was like everyone else in that part of town. In that shabby, safe little world, the child had been the star of the church choir and love of music had lifted her above any worldly concerns. Sapphire closed her eyes and thought back to that girl, but she couldn’t feel the warmth of the sun through the stained glass windows anymore. She couldn’t hear the music or feel the uncomplicated joy of being one voice ringing out as part of a greater harmony. Sapphire had left that life behind her when a man had come to her family and promised a future far brighter than anything her parents could afford. 

Pain called her back to the present; a feeling that was far more familiar and meaningful than whatever lay buried in her childhood. Sapphire opened the hand that she’d clenched around a cluster of berries and prickles and watched the red ooze drip from between her fingers with distaste. Ruby had stopped chattering and was giving her a measuring look. 

“Have you ever considered that you value pain more than anything else?”

“What do you mean?” Sapphire asked, more confused by Ruby making such an irrational assertion than angry. “Are you suggesting I enjoy pain?”

“No, what I mean is...augh. Give me a moment.” Ruby used the back of his hand to push some straggling curls out of his face, leaving a smear of berry juice and seeds on his forehead. They promptly sprung back into complete disarray and stuck to Ruby’s cheeks. His hands looked like they were itching to run through his hair, half lifting in that direction before being anchored around the pot rim. “You focus on it. All the painful things. All the negative things. If all you think about is the thorns, you’re never going to appreciate anything else. I’m getting scratched up even worse than you, but I’m happy because I know the hurt is temporary and I’ll enjoy the berries.”

For the sake of having a fair argument, Sapphire tried to consider his viewpoint as carefully as if it was something more than childish logic and a refusal to accept the full picture of reality. There wasn’t much to consider and she promptly pointing out the biggest flaw. “Whatever enjoyment you’re going to get from eating the berries is just as temporary and thorns can leave scars. Those are hardly temporary.”

“A good memory could be held onto forever, but I guess you would say something like that.” Ruby sighed heavily and shook his head. “You only think of the thorns and so most of what you remember are the thorns too. Then you look at me being happy and think I’m simple-minded.” 

“And that’s putting it into kind words,” he grumbled under his breath before saying in a louder voice, “I’m not a fool, Sapph. I know when a situation is bad, but why should I suffer endlessly? Isn’t it bad enough to hurt when you feel the thorns, without keeping the pain alive by dwelling on it even after the injury fades?” In one of his mercurial mood shifts, the slumped and tired looking young man grabbed the pot and heaved himself to his feet in a burst of energetic movement. His lips compressed to a thin line of displeasure and she felt the heat of Ruby’s glare on the back of her neck after she turned her face away. “Every day I make a choice to enjoy the things that are good and sweet and make me happy, which would be really hard if I walked around with the thorns still clenched in my fists or if I sat around staring at the scars they left. Maybe that’s not common sense to you, but it is to me.” 

There was no doubting the conviction behind Ruby’s words or in the steady gaze that looked down on her when she turned back to face him. He believed them as absolutely as that long ago child had believed that God would feed her as well as the birds of the air and clothe her as He clothed the grass with flowers. But she’d seen birds starving and all flowers withered away in time, just as she had. Life wasn’t that simple. Things happened that no amount of good could balance… right? It was foolish to believe otherwise. 

“I’ll carry the pot. I think your hands are full.” 

Sapphire flinched at the flat, deprecating remark and was glad he’d turned his back on her for once so that he couldn’t see it. She was glad he’d turned his back on her, because what he’d said about her carrying around things she didn’t need to was nonsense. She… 

She asked quietly, “Is this a good memory, Ruby?”

The pot was set down by the stream back and Ruby came back to where she sat in the cold, slippery grass. The rain was starting again, but she was starting to see his earlier logic. They were already wet, so why avoid the rain. He held out his left hand to her and they both looked at scar on his palm, healed but hardly faded, and the fresh, angry red scratches that ran from fingertips to elbows. They must have stung just as badly as the ones on her hands and she was sure that scar was still tender. He offered his hand and gave her a determined smile. “It could be. Even a blackberry bramble has it’s good points.”

She couldn’t help the snort of sarcastic laughter that bubbled up. “It has a lot of points.” 

Ruby’s smile became a broad grin. He waved his hand a few inches from her face until she took his hand and let him pull her to her feet. As always, she felt a little unnerved by his strength, but it was difficult to be afraid of someone when they were laughing so hard that they’d been reduced to a strangled, squeaky sort of wheezing. He pointed in the direction of her leg -no ,her knife. Sapphire pushed her bangs aside so he could see her expression clearly, the arch of her eyebrow and the narrow slit of blue eye. “Correct. Much like that hell-spawned plant, I have a very good, sharp point and do not appreciate being manhandled.” She game him a tight smile and planted one fist on her hip before asking,“I suppose you’re going to say I can be sweet too?”

He nodded until his mop of curly hair flopped into his face and the wheezing devolved into silent shaking punctuated by the occasional gasp for air. Sapphire covered her mouth to avoid the temptation to join in the absurdity. Instead, she slapped Ruby’s shoulder on her way past him to the dugout. “Now I know you’re crazy. Also, in the future, if you want to flatter a woman, I highly suggest that you avoid comparing her to an ugly, ill-tempered bush.” 

Sapphire had almost made it to the door when Ruby called out to her, “It’s ill-tempered, but not ugly.” Ruby stood knee deep in the stream, the pot in his arms and an impudent grin on his sunburned face. He partially filled the pot with water and ambled up to where she waited in the doorway. “If I dared to try flattering you, you’d call me a liar and I’m certain you’d resent it. I’m better off being honest.” 

She stood aside and let him carry the heavy pot inside, but she couldn’t help but ask, “Are you implying it’s safer to insult me?” 

The pot was set on the table and Ruby arranged some of their dwindling firewood in the hearth. They’d been trying to use it sparingly since the rains had begun. The season was warm enough that they only needed the fire for cooking. It seemed a little foolish to waste some of it on a game, but Ruby was excited by the idea of varying their diet and, if she was honest, Sapphire was interested in the taste of something different too. He picked up the tinder box and busied himself with striking a spark. A small flame kindled and Ruby cupped his hands around it to protect from drafts, blowing gently until it grew stronger. 

“I’m not insulting you and, if you were genuinely angry with me, you wouldn’t be bantering like this.”

There wasn’t much she could say to that without being petty or confirming what he’d said, so Sapphire pulled the bench closer to the fire and sat down. In very little time, Ruby had the pot nestled in the flames and was sitting beside her. There was no obvious difference at first, but as the water began boiling Sapphire started to smell the sweetness of the fruit. Neither of them could trust their stomachs to handle raw fruit, but by boiling it down they hoped for something palatable. Or, rather, Ruby did. She was going to wait and let him stir the pot with a clean stick while she wondered how her life had reached this point. 

It took much longer than either of them expected; the sun had passed its zenith and they’d had a meal of potatoes waiting. In the end, when the pot had cooled enough to touch and they peered in, the berries had become a sort of jam or sauce. She was just about to ask how he expected them to eat something that should have been spread on a biscuit when Ruby took one of the tin cups and dipped it in. He tried drinking it, but judging by the furrow between his eyebrows that wasn’t working. She could see his lips moving as he talked to himself, internally debating something, before abandoning all attempts at manners and sticking his fingers into the cup. Admittedly, it got the mess from point A to point B, but it was a sight to behold. A grown young man, sitting sideways on a bench like he was straddling a horse, sucking his fingers and getting berry mush on his face. Ruby paused to lick at the juice that dripped down his wrist and she wondered if he’d forgotten he was even being watched. There was a look of deep, simple bliss on his face and, curiously, she stirred a finger in the pot and tasted it. Not bad. She took a cup of it too, just to be certain. 

“I must say, Sheriff, for someone in such a dignified station,” she paused to slowly take a mouthful from the cup, proving that she didn’t need to resort to Ruby’s level of indelicate eating, “you are singularly lacking in dignity.” 

It was hard to tell in the failing light, but Ruby’s cheeks seemed to flush darker. He cleared his throat and looked away, “Ah...about that. I have a small...confession. I'm not really a sheriff. Not exactly. I'm just a deputy.” With every word, the young man hunched lower on the bench, as if he’d like to sink into the floor at that moment. It was a minor lie, but she understood Ruby well enough to know he was honest to a fault. It must have been chafing at him and the only real surprise to her was that it took this long for him to admit it. “The real sheriff…”

A very awkward conversation was looming and Sapphire wasn’t sure she could divert it, but it was worth a try. “Was the man I killed,” she said, smoothly interrupting him and keeping her tone light and conversational. She took a sip, deliberately keeping her posture relaxed and savoring the taste before swallowing. “Yes, I'm perfectly aware of who he was. It was hardly a random act on my part, but this does explain why you rode off guns blazing...without a gun. A more experienced person wouldn't have been that rash.”

Perhaps that last jab had been unnecessary. He’d seemed nonplussed up to that point, but Ruby snapped out of it with an audible growl and seemed to be verging on an apoplectic fit. She calmly took in the way his nostrils flared and took another sip; something stronger would have been nice. Some really old brandy, maybe, or a good red wine even. His face was definitely red now. She held up a hand and Ruby paused. 

“I can see you getting all self-righteously riled up and I'm going to ask you a favor. Let me speak first and then, if you're still outraged, you can say anything you want. Deal?” Ruby’s eyes were still narrowed, but he sat back on the bench and nodded. Sapphire set her cup down and thought about where to begin. She finally asked,“How well did you know the sheriff that appointed you?” 

“Not well,” he replied. The explosive temper was subsiding, although he continued to watch her warily. “I hadn't been in the area long and he didn't come to my town often. I'd gone there to see him about getting better supplies and equipment when uh...” 

“When you discovered he was no longer capable of negotiating a budget,” she interrupted. If Ruby wanted to have this discussion, then she intended to cut right to the heart of the matter. Her lip curled up in an amused sneer, but she prudently didn’t laugh or share her little joke. 

“Let me tell you more about The Right Honorable Sheriff. Were you aware he forced himself on a young woman and was blackmailing her into marriage in order to get her dead family’s land? It was a pretty little trap he had her in. If she didn't agree, then he'd go and publically defame her as a loose woman. He could claim she got him drunk and tried to seduce him. Her reputation would be destroyed and her only choices would be to either live there in shame or sell her family’s home and land, losing what little of them she had left, and leave.”

It was obvious that Ruby had a question; he was shifting in place and gripping his hands together like it would keep his mouth shut. Guessing what he wanted to know didn’t take a fortune teller, but she still asked if he was curious how she, a stranger to the region, knew so much. At his nod, she elaborated. “I was staying in town and noticed him cornering a young woman. It probably didn’t look like much to passersby, but she went pale as a sheet when he walked up and flattened herself to the postal office wall. I couldn’t hear what he said to her, but the girl was shaking when he walked away. It didn’t take much to convince her I was a tired, hungry traveler and she was gracious enough offer her own home. A little whiskey with the cream and sugar in her tea and I got the whole sordid story.” 

If Ruby had taken a breath or even blinked while she recounted what she knew, Sapphire hadn’t noticed it and she’d been watching very carefully. He looked genuinely shaken and she didn’t think it even crossed Ruby’s mind to question her honesty, but that didn’t stop her from driving the point home. 

“When the person who hurts you is the one in power, like the local Sheriff, who can you turn to for protection? Do you honestly think anyone would side against the man employing them? Against a man that powerful?” He opened his mouth to object, an easy answer that assumed others were as honorable as he was on his lips, but Sapphire stared him down until Ruby’s shoulders slumped. His gaze dropped to his boots and she relented with that surrender. Gently, coaxingly, she appealed to him to see reason. “Ruby, I have no doubt that you would. You’d stand up for what you think is right even if it killed you, but how many others would? Be honest.”

He shook his head slowly, but if he was going to think about what she’d said instead of rejecting it out of hand, then she would have patience. Ruby’s face was deeply troubled when he finally looked up, but all he said was, “Is that justice, Sapphire? Murder?”

“No, it’s not,” she answered immediately. That shocked him into silence and she continued grimly, “There is no such thing as justice. There is no punishment or reparation that can truly equal a crime. That man’s death didn’t undo what he’d done, but it did set free an innocent person who was living in fear. No more, no less.” 

Sapphire hesitated to finish the statement. On some level she feared losing this strange sense of companionship they’d found, but Ruby had said he wanted to know what she thought, even if he didn’t like it. If she wanted to test the truth of that, here was her moment. She looked Ruby, the only human who knew what she was and been allowed to live, in the eyes and said, clearly and resolutely, “I don’t regret what I did.”

Ruby held her gaze carefully. He didn't recoil; there was nothing accusatory in the look he was giving her. He sighed and spread his hands helplessly. “I can’t defend what he did. It was … monstrous.” He seemed so dispirited and lost in thought that she assumed that was the end of the conversation, which was why she felt so surprised when his jaw tightened and he spoke up. “But Sapphire, I have to ask you again. Who made you judge, jury, and executioner? By what right are you taking the law into your own hands?”

“Then I ask you the same damn question! Who do you think you are,” she demanded, losing patience entirely, “ that you can decide what is right or wrong for any other person than yourself? Would you allow yourself to be bent to another's definitions of right and wrong, especially when it placed you at a severe disadvantage?”

He didn’t budge when her finger jabbed into his sternum; the determined set of his chin and shoulders didn’t waver, but there was a flicker of pain in Ruby’s eyes. There was the little flinch, the fatal telltale that a predator like her waited for. She didn’t know the source of that weakness, but she didn’t need to. She pressed the issue, leaning in much closer than she normally would to ask, “If you back a wild animal into a corner and torment it, do you not expect it to lash out in self-defense? If you do the same to a human being, who has so much more capacity to understand both suffering and death, would you not expect a similar reaction?”

A hand closed around her own and firmly pushed it aside, holding just a little longer than necessary before letting her go. Ruby stood up from the bench and began pacing in front of it. It took a few minutes, with Ruby muttering to himself and rubbing his hands against his face and through his hair, but she could see the agitation receding until he finally was able to face her calmly and with equal resolution. 

"Maybe I don’t have the authority to say what is right or wrong, but if you’re going to use that as an example then answer this: who backed you into a corner, Sapphire?” She jolted back at the quiet accusation, but Ruby wasn’t finished. He stepped in closer and Sapphire found herself involuntarily leaning back to look up into his face. He reached out to rest his hands on her shoulders, but abruptly changed course and backed up instead. Ruby swept his arms apart, wordlessly showing the empty space between and around them. “You've been going anywhere and doing anything you pleased for years. Are you honestly going to tell me this life wasn't a choice you made? Are you going to claim to me that you've been controlled the whole time? Because, Sapph, I didn't think you were the kind of person who'd let someone or something control her for that long."

That stung. It stung because he wasn’t yelling or getting into her personal space, because he wasn’t doing anything that could allow her to easily dismiss this as personal bias or an irrational and emotional reaction. Ruby looked disappointed in her and she didn’t know what to do with that. Neither did she know how to answer the question, because she hung herself either way. If she agreed, then that was accepting that she was so weak that a single event had been allowed to control her entire life. If she denied it, then she took full responsibility all the actions she’d taken since that day. And she’d done a lot. 

“Self-defense in a moment where you are actively fighting for your life and planning out a cold blooded murder aren’t the same things, even if you want to pretend it is. You can't make something right by doing something wrong,” he concluded, pulling her attention out of her thoughts and back to the person standing before her. It was more of the aggravating moralizing that Ruby tried to pull her into, but he believed in it and she...honestly didn’t have an answer. Sapphire felt the breathless sensation of being trapped closing in around her, slowly crushing the breath from her lungs and making the sound of her heartbeat almost unbearably loud and -

And of all the inane and senseless things he could do, Ruby handed her cup back to her and took his over to the remains of the fire. He patted the ground beside him, but didn’t look back when he said, “You don’t have to answer me, Sapph. I’m not really the person who needs those answers. Just think about it, okay? And come help me finish this so I can wash the pot. It didn’t turn out too badly at all.”

So she took her cup and sat down to watch the little deputy figure out how to get the maximum amount of berries into himself without getting them all over himself. Nothing had changed.


	16. The Hand We Each Are Dealt

With the return of the sun, Sapphire and Ruby took to spending the earlier half of the day apart. He occupied himself in what they were optimistically calling “the garden” and in gathering fallen branches to dry as firewood. She would take the long walk to town and search for anything useful. Luck hadn’t been with her beyond that first day, but it was a good excuse for having time alone and the gradual increase of exercise was doing her some good. The only building she’d avoided was the saloon, but eventually she ran out of rational reasons why she shouldn’t go in. And when the day came that she ran out of the irrational ones too, Sapphire cautiously swung the half door open.

There wasn’t much left of the place. The counter to her left looked dusty, but intact, and she amended her initial opinion. It might have been a diner as much as it had been a bar. It made more sense for such a small town and it relieved some of her anxiety. Tables and chairs stood at haphazard angles, displaying a full range from badly aged to absolute decrepitude, and the ceiling had collapsed in several places, dappling the gloom with startlingly bright columns of light. She left meandering trails in dust as she approached the raised platform at the back. It was only a few inches tall, a pathetic stage by most standards, but some long suppressed part of her couldn’t resist the urge to step up onto it - a moth to the flame. Her eyes burned and she cursed the dust rather than accept any other explanation. 

By oddest coincidence, the angle of the sun through one of the holes in the roof cast a natural spotlight on the stage and that was where she positioned herself. With her eyes closed and the hollow report of her footsteps still in her ears, Sapphire let memory wash over her. She could almost hear the buzzing murmur of the crowd, the musical chime of crystal glasses toasting each other, and the rising tide of music that sweep away any sense of self beyond the song. When she turned around, it was to face the gathering shadows of what had been. It was pointless but, as she lifted her face to the light and looked out through the veil of her bangs, Sapphire tired to fit Ruby into that faded picture. 

Would Ruby, the person who often filled the silences between them with bits of songs and hummed tunes, have loved the music as passionately as the girl she’d once been had loved it? Would he have been watching with rapt attention from the darkness beyond the footlights? Would that audacious fool have tried to approach her after the performance ended and pull her into a conversation that held nothing but friendly interest? She closed her eyes against the world and, for just a moment, tried to imagine a younger Ruby beside a petite young girl wrapped in a glittering blue silk dress, one that was still as innocent and credulous as him. That girl would have been laughing as they stepping out on the dance floor. 

Sapphire sat on the edge of the stage until the setting sun no longer poured into the building with a clear, strong light ; instead it was now seeping in through the cracks in the windows and door, tinging everything a bloody red. The world would be engulfed in darkness soon. Disgust, for everything but most especially herself, filled her gut and Sapphire climbed stiffly to her feet. A row of empty bottles stood sentinel behind the bar; a few even looked unbroken and Sapphire intended to cover her embarrassing lapse by bringing them back to the dugout with her. As she rounded the counter, she looked under it to see if anything had been left on shelves. Dead bugs populated most of it, but then she noticed a pale object tucked into the far corner. 

Once she realized what she was looking at, Sapphire tucked it into her blouse and rushed out into the street so quickly that she was at the last house before she remembered the bottles. Going back to get them took almost more willpower than she had, but Sapphire didn’t feel like returning empty handed on top of everything else going wrong. By the time she reached the dugout, Sapphire was panting and out of breath. It wasn’t possible to run all the way from town, but she’d walked as fast as she could and pushed past the need to take her usual rest stops. Ruby took one look at her and pulled her inside. As his arm wrapped around her shoulder, Sapphire saw Ruby throw a panicked glance behind them and took a moment to reassure him that she was not being chased. She shrugged off his efforts to get her to sit down and showed him what she’d found. 

Three large glass bottles were added to the assortment of objects that now cluttered the table and then she held out a several large shards of glass. Ruby took one from her hand and raised it to the firelight. The edges glittered wickedly in the light, beautiful in a strange and dangerous way. He tested the edge with his thumb and hissed softly when it drew a thin line of blood. Their eyes met over the shard. Ruby nodded slowly, inclining his head to her without breaking eye contact. They both knew what she’d just done.

“I’m sure this will work fine for chopping vegetables, Sapphire. Thank you for remembering,” he said, tone carefully neutral. He set it down on the table with the bottles and the other shards. His thumb ended up in his mouth, sucking away the last trace of blood while he thought. “I could maybe rub the edge off the end or wrap my handkerchief around it for a grip, but that can wait for the morning to figure out. Was there anything else? Why did you look so upset when you came home?”

She nodded, there was one last thing, but she motioned for them to sit down by the fire first. Ruby was perplexed but obediently sat across from her, legs folded and hands in his lap. On the ground between them, Sapphire set the deck of playing cards she’d found under the bar and pulled the Ace of Spades from the top of the deck, turning it over in her hand and feeling the edges in a way not unlike how Ruby had handled the glass shard. Ruby grinned at her, but the smile faltered when he saw her face and understood she wasn’t playing a game. 

“You’re looking at the card, but not seeing it. It’s not exactly in perfect condition, but this deck looks like it’s been lying around for months in a town that’s been abandoned for years.” She nodded when Ruby’s eyes widened and he looked at the card in his hand more carefully. The edges were a little worn, but otherwise the paper wasn’t particularly yellowed and there was no evidence of decay. “Are you starting to see it? Someone accidently left this deck behind and it was after the town was abandoned.”

“And you’re worried that whoever left it behind might come back at some point? But you said it yourself - the cards must have been laying there for months and you found them in a sheltered place, right?” When she confirmed that she had, the tension in Ruby’s shoulders relaxed and he sat up straighter. The deck of cards was offered to her and she took them back. “So… they’re probably long gone. You didn’t see any other signs that someone had been here? No evidence that someone was living in any of the buildings?”

It was frustrating that he wasn’t taking it seriously enough, but Sapphire had to admit that Ruby made some valid points. For all she knew, it had been left behind by drifters or even by people who’d been as lost as they were, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that there was a significance to her finding the cards. Someone had been there before them, maybe several someones, and they’d made themselves comfortable enough in that abandoned building to play cards. The bottles she’d found could have been left by them too. 

Idly, she began shuffling the cards. They didn’t have the crisp snap that made a new deck so satisfying, but the past still clung to her tired mind and the once familiar habit made it easy to sink back into the grip of memory. A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth when she caught Ruby staring at her in undisguised fascination; he wasn’t the first to be surprised at what she could do with a deck of cards and on a whim she said, “Pick a card, Ruby.” 

She fanned out the cards between her hands and let Ruby pull one from the spread. After asking him to look at it without letting her see the face, she had him place the card on top of the deck and did what would appear to her audience as a thorough shuffle. Appear was the key word, because the card was actually tucked against her cupped palm and all the shuffling in the world wouldn’t make any difference. When the card did return to the deck, her finger remained on it as she cut the deck into stacks and spread the cards across the ground in front of them. 

“Is this yours?” She couldn’t keep the smug tone out of her voice, although she managed not to laugh when he gasped like an excited child. Now that she was holding the card out, Sapphire realized it was the Jack of Hearts. How fitting. She almost told Ruby that his card represented selfless love, but it would have sounded too maudlin. The card she had pulled was Death and transition. Again, apt and yet not something she cared to share at the moment. She was surprised she even remembered that much, but the cards felt good in her hands and she offered Ruby a sly smile. “Could I interest you in a game of cards?”

“I guess I can make time in my busy schedule,” Ruby chuckled, “Pa raised me to believe a person is never so rich that they can afford to gamble it away, so I only have a basic idea of how to play cards. You’ll have to teach me if that’s what you really want to spend the evening doing, but I already know there’s no way I’m going to win. You’re a card-sharp!”

She’d intended to teach him something like poker, but Ruby’s real interest seemed to be the little tricks she was playing with the cards. Sapphire steadfastly refused to explain the first one, but she soon found herself explaining the technique of card forces compared to card sleights. The cards weren’t stiff enough to demonstrate some of the fancier shuffles, but there were several very sneaky ways to to cut, shuffle, and deal the deck that she could teach him to spot.

“The trick,” she explained, warming to Ruby’s enthusiasm and finding an unexpected pleasure in showing off a completely harmless talent, “ isn’t just knowing how to do something. It’s doing it smoothly and subtly, so that no one notices anything suspicious. And don’t you go thinking I’m just a card-sharp either. I can win perfectly well without cheating, thank you very much!” 

“I believe you, but I’m really curious now. Would you tell me where you learned all of this?”

She could have used any one of multiple excuses, untrue but plausible. She could have said no, because Sapphire knew without a doubt that Ruby wouldn’t pressure her to answer. Maybe that’s why she gave him the truth. 

“When I was younger, I worked on a steamboat. It was my entire world and my life was like a party that never really ended; it just paused for sleep sometimes and started right back up. I was a singer. I’d sing entire nights away, sometimes, and others I’d mingle with the patrons. I’d dance, flirt, and encourage them to drink more wine that they should,” she paused for dramatic effect and dealt Ruby five cards, “and place bigger wagers than was prudent. Five card draw is the name of this game; it’s the simplest form of poker.” 

Ruby patted his pockets and held up empty hands. He tried to give her a woebegone look; an expression that lasted approximately five seconds before he cracked up laughing. Sapphire shook her head in mock admonishment, but she was smiling too as she dealt herself a hand as well. Once she laid out the basic rules for him, Ruby wasn’t the worst player she’d fleeced, but his emotions shone through too often to ever be a player on her level. Or so she thought until the twelfth hand, when his frown became a mischievous smile and he laid out four of a kind against her flush. 

She clapped slowly while he took an exaggerated bow, which was all the more amusing for the awkwardness of doing it while sitting. It seemed only fair and kind to spare him from the sin of hubris by saying, “If you ever gamble, and I don’t suggest you do, avoid the high stakes games. The house always wins in the end and people like me work as plants and dealers to either convince you winning is easier than it really is or to make sure your winning streak only goes so far.”

Her warning was acknowledged with a nod and an end to the theatrics, although Ruby continued to smile. He gathered the cards together to deal another hand. In the middle of trying to mimic the kind of shuffling she’d been doing, Ruby paused and looked up at her. “I wish I could have seen all of that, Sapphire. Would you sing something for me?”

“That part of my life is over,” she snapped. The words came out sharper than she’d meant them to and Ruby flinched back. There was a strained silence as Ruby fidgeted with the cards and they looked anywhere but at each other. Resentment at Ruby for ruining the moment burned in her chest before cooling and congealing into the leaden weight of guilt. She breathed around it and berated herself for overreacting. Of course Ruby would be curious. How often had she heard him singing to himself? Of course someone who liked music would want to hear her sing too. Ruby couldn’t know how gut wrenching it felt when she considered giving any piece of herself away and, as unsentimental as she tried to be, the professional in her knew that you had to put your heart and soul into the music for it to be worth anything. 

“So… what of yourself?” Sapphire tried to smile, but it felt sickly and insincere. She swallowed hard and tried again to change the subject. “I’ve heard you talking about your father, but what about your mother? Don’t tell me you just sprung fully formed from the ground.” 

“Uh… yes. I mean no… I mean …,” Ruby was babbling and Sapphire wasn’t sure why a simple question would be such a problem. To say she’d deflected attention from her own behavior was correct, but she was starting to feel guilty again. Ruby finally stopped altogether and put his face in his hands for a few moments until he’d collected his thoughts. Haltingly, he finally said, “I know must have had a mother, but I never met her. I spent the earliest part of my life in an orphanage. I don’t know anything about my birth parents, other than I hope that maybe… there was a reason they didn’t keep me. It’s not an answer I’ll ever have and I try not to think about it.”

“It was overcrowded and, I understand now, underfunded. The city was just… filthy. I hated it. Diseases spread like mad and there was an outbreak of something when I was about eight… I don’t remember but a lot of children died. When it was over, someone came to orphanage with an offer. They said that we could be sent out west and promised that there would be clean air, fresh water, and all the room to run around in that we could ever want. They’d place us with families who needed extra help and in return we’d learn a trade. It sounded like such an adventure, Sapph. When we got on the train l the first one aboard and I spent most of my time looking out the window at the world.”

“In the city, people had mostly picked up the pretty children and babies. I understood. If you go shopping, don’t you get what looks best? And if you pick a baby, then you might as well be the birth parents. Those kinds of children got picked up early on the train ride west. As we got further out, people started picking out the bigger children too. They wanted older boys who could help work farms and older girls who could mind babies and be counted on to be responsible around the house. The longer we travelled, the more I realized that there was nothing special about me. I wasn’t pretty or really young. I wasn’t one of the big kids. I was strong, but I didn’t look like it and...I was afraid to show them after a certain point. I wanted… I didn’t want…I knew that I’d be going out there to work. That wasn’t the problem...”

Ruby’s voice trailed off and he busied himself with making haphazard patterns on the ground with the cards, so Sapphire mentally finished the sentence for him. Ruby had wanted a home. A home and a family who cared about more than what physical labor they could get out of him. When Ruby said that he had realized there was nothing special about himself, it held all the resignation of a phrase that had been repeated so often that pain had been numbed to dull ache. Sapphire had known she was special; that she had talents that set her apart from and above the rest. Somehow she’d expected an idyllic childhood; that a personality like Ruby’s could only have grown from a life free from pain or fear. Instead she found one common thread woven between the contrasts and, from that, she offered what understanding she could. 

“My family sent me to work on that steamboat because it was the only way they could think of to give me a better life.” Ruby had jumped at the sound of her voice and now they focused on her with an eagerness that felt desperate. She considered her new words carefully before continuing, keeping her voice low and soft. “They were too poor to give me the kind of opportunities that they wanted me to have, but it’s frightening to be given to a stranger, isn’t it? Even when everyone is saying that it will be for the best.”

The gratitude in Ruby’s eyes was almost embarrassing. She didn’t feel she’d offered all that much to be grateful for, but Ruby nodded to her and picked up the story. His voice was strained, but determined when he said, “We were getting to the end of the line too and somehow I felt like I might just die if we reached that last stop and I was the only one who had to go back. At the last stop a lady pulled me up and said I didn’t look like much, but she supposed I’d do. She felt my arms and told me to show her my teeth, because she wanted to see how healthy I was and I couldn’t breathe and I thought I might cry and be shamed in front of everyone and … and as horrible as going back to the city would be, I wasn’t going to go with her!”

The card in Ruby’s hand was getting bent, so she reached across and gently took it from his fingers. His throat worked for a few moments without producing any articulate sound, eyes shut and jaw clenching tightly as Ruby struggled for control of his feelings. Sapphire sat very still once the card had been returned to the deck, patiently making sure that no sound or movement of hers would distract from Ruby from calming down and finishing his story. He took a deep shuddering breath and slumped, bringing his hands up to cover his face. 

If his eyes were red and damp, she politely ignored it when Ruby raked the curls back from his forehead and looked up. To her surprise, he was smiling when he picked up the narrative once again, “Out of nowhere, an older man picked me up and told the lady she should be ashamed of herself for treating a child like that. When he spoke up, it wasn’t yelling. He was quiet and firm, even if his mustache was bristling like an angry cat. Everyone in the room jumped like he’d slapped them. Suddenly one of the aid workers who had been in charge came forward and said the lady needed to leave.”

“It’s as though … all it took was one person to stand up and say what was going on was wrong, to remind everyone else how they were acting. I wanted to be like that. I wanted it more than anything and I wanted that man to take me home. I told him he should take me home and if he wouldn’t then fine; I’d live in a tree before I’d be dragged another step. He just grinned and said how could he say no to that? We both had a little too much pepper in us, he said, so it was best that we stuck together. He didn’t even put me down to sign the papers; just balanced me on his hip and used his other hand to hold the pen.”

Ruby laughed and shook his head as some unspoken thought before saying, “When I left home, I didn’t really have a plan but I had a goal. I was going to change lives. I was certain I’d find a way to make a difference and be something good in the world. Ah… I guess maybe that was…”

“Unnecessary goal, really.” Sapphire matter-of-fact tone was like an off key note and Ruby’s head jerked up like she’d slapped him. She said, so quietly that Ruby was forced to lean in, “You didn’t need to try.” 

Ruby wore his feelings so openly that Sapphire had come to enjoy watching them shift as the nuances of her words would gradually sink in. From dejection came confusion, his eyebrows knitting together as he thought, and from there blossomed into understanding and surprise. Before he could respond, Sapphire changed tack and said briskly, “I’ve changed my mind. Instead of poker, let’s play blackjack. I’ll teach you to count cards - the only people who claim it’s cheating are the ones who can’t learn the skill. That should comfort your moralizing little heart.” 

When he reached to gather up the scattered cards, Sapphire’s hand fell on top of his and rested there for a long moment. Ruby glanced up at her curiously and when her hand didn’t move away he gave her a tentative smile. She pressed down slightly, allowing the warmth of her skin to be felt before nudging his hand out of the way and picking up the cards herself.


	17. Solitaire Is Not My Game Anymore

Sapphire slept late, waking to an empty bed and, inexplicably, flowers. She blinked the sleepy fog from her vision, but the flowers remained. The glass bottles had been washed out and filled with a variety of wildflowers, creating humble but colorful bouquets on the table. Some definite attempts at making a even and well mixed arrangement had even been made, she realized, after she’d stretched and taken a seat on a bench. Sapphire was reaching for one of the roasted potatoes stacked on a plate when Ruby stuck his head through the doorframe. When he saw she was awake, he hurried over and thumped himself down on the bench beside her. 

“Oh! You’re awake! Thank God, I wasn’t sure if I should let you sleep or not, but it’s getting late. Do you like the flowers? We used to keep them on the table at home and when I saw the empty bottles this morning, it reminded me!” At the best of times, Ruby’s rapid fire bursts of dialogue were a little much for her, much less minutes after she’d woken up. Sapphire could only nod vaguely, trying to understand the words in retrospect. Just as she was catching up, though, he jumped topics again and said, “Anyway, I was thinking about what you said last night about the playing cards. I don’t think there’s anyone else around, but I thought I’d check just to be safe. If I follow the trail leading out of the town then I could ride as far as I can until noon and then turn back. If I don’t see anything within a half day’s ride, we’re as safe as it’s going to get.” 

“Alone.” 

It was a statement, not a question. Sapphire was feeling very awake now and wondering if the babbling had been less inspired by enthusiasm than nerves. But no, there was no shame in Ruby’s eyes, none of the dozen or more little habits that betrayed apprehension. 

“Yes. Garnet can cover more ground if she only has one rider,” he said, speaking slowly. Ruby always looked around when he was confused, as if he could physically find the answers he needed or that someone would explain the mystery. This time, the answer was apparently provided by the bee buzzing around a drooping bellflower, because his brown eyes widened and Ruby turned to face her with both hands held out. “I didn’t even think! I’m so sorry, I -”

“No, your plan is logical. ” Sapphire cut him off, feeling sharp and cold despite the soft morning sun pouring in the window. She took a deep breath. Ruby’s self-reproach, instead of being mollifying, just made her want to smack the assumption that she was that weak out of him. She settled for saying, with all possible sarcasm, “I’ve lived this long without you. I think I can endure a few hours of having time to myself.” 

“Oh. Right. Then… I'll be going now.” Ruby took a step backwards, towards the door, but he still didn’t turn away. Sapphire picked up one of the glass shards, which Ruby must have washed along with the bottles, and tested the edge against one of the potatoes. It sunk into the burnt skin without minimal resistance, so she ignored the way Ruby was lingering in the doorway and started carving pieces of potato to eat. Ruby cleared his throat. “I’ll get Garnet saddled up and I think I'll let her run for a while so she gets some exercise. I’ll see you later?” 

“Where else would I go, exactly?”

When it became clear that he wasn’t going to go away until she said or did something, Sapphire raised a hand and gave him a half-hearted wave. It was barely more than a flick of wrist and fingers, but the shadow that had been in her peripheral vision left the walked out the door. She could hear the jingle of harness outside and the stomp of Garnet’s hooves, but there was no sound of Ruby riding away. Sapphire pushed the plate aside and went outside to lean against the doorframe. Ruby had been waiting for her, patiently sitting in the saddle and scratching Garnet’s neck. Sapphire waved again, turning it into a shooing motion in the end.

The little pestilence had the nerve to grin at her and tip his hat before urging Garnet into a trot. Ruby called back to her that he’d take Garnet up to the top of the hill and cut across the grass to reach the road. He was going to be back before dark. Sapphire watched him go without a word and waited for the dust to settle before going back inside. Hunger had also left her, but Sapphire wasn’t a fool. She ate the cold food and thought of ways to fill the day. 

Dragging the two benches outside was difficult, but she had nothing but time and frustration to be spent. The first thing she did was wash the ragged skirts she’d covered the bed with and throw them over the benches to dry in the sun. With that finished, Sapphire took advantage of the solitude to walk upstream and bathe for the first time in weeks. 

Peeling the grimy layers away from her skin was both a relief and a torment. Every wrinkled, sweat stiffened inch was a barrier between her and being clean, but they also were the only things preventing her body from being exposed. By the time the last of her undergarments had been wrestled off, Sapphire was gulping air so quickly that she felt lightheaded. She tried to breathe evenly through her nose and distract herself with scrubbing at the cotton cloth. Getting the stains out enough that her clothing looked clean was impossible, even if she’d had soap and salt on hand, but at this point she’d be satisfied to rinse them until filth stopped clouding the water she was kneeling in. 

Once that was finished, Sapphire scrambled up onto the bank and spread her clothing out in the grass. The feeling of air on her bare skin made her stomach twist in anxiety and Sapphire misjudged her footing in her rush to get back into the water. A loose stone gave way under her heel, throwing her into the stream with a tremendous splash. Sapphire surfaced, spitting water and obscenities, doubly grateful that no one was there to see either her nudity or her embarrassment. Her knees stung from hitting the streambed, but she doggedly kept going. Using a handful of clean sand, she scrubbed vehemently at her skin until it felt raw. 

While she waited for her chemise to dry enough to wear, Sapphire sat in the middle of the stream. The water came up to her shoulders, offering some feeling of concealment although the sensation of current moving across her skin made her shudder. It took a long time to get her hair into some semblance of order, working out the worst knots until she could more or less run her fingers through it without obstruction. She tried not to think of how much of it was falling out or the way it was matted at the nape of her neck in a way she couldn’t loosen. Even after that point, she sat there in the cold water, shivering and combing her hair until she was forced to either leave its shelter or drown herself. Drowning didn't sound so terrible at the moment, but she didn't want to be seen nude by anyone. Not even in death. 

It was warmer lying hidden in the long grass, but the flimsy covering of her chemise gave her little emotional comfort. It felt too much like being a rabbit, even if she knew there were no predators around for miles. As the sun began to soak into her chilled skin and dry her off, there was a period of time that the solitude became almost enjoyable. Sapphire closed her eyes and let her senses drift. The scent of summer, of rich dark earth and drying grass, had meant nothing to her in her past life, but it had slowly become her entire world. A place of peace and quiet; a sheltered daydream bathed in the warm glow of the sun and detached from a shadowed world she’d come to hate so deeply. She breathed it in and relaxed, listening to the soft whispering rustle of the wind across the golden plains. 

Quiet. It was so profoundly quiet and devoid of the sounds of human life. The wind was such a lonely sound without Ruby’s laughter adding a warmer note. She rolled onto her side and tried to sleep, but the silence was too loud. Sapphire gave up and sleep and stood up, smoothing down her chemise and standing barefoot in the knee length grass. She turned in a circle, but the world was empty in every direction she looked. She was a lone figure engulfed by an endless sea of grass and rolling hills that was broken only by islands of trees and brush. 

“I don’t need anyone.” 

Her voice sounded so small compared to the vastness of the prairie. Small and plaintive. It was not the voice of a woman whose heart was as much cold steel as her will and her weapon. What if Ruby never came back? What if he was injured or killed out there alone? He wasn't armed; what if he found the people who had left the playing cards behind? If the trail lead to one that was still in active use, if the way home was there, then maybe Ruby would come to his senses and take it. She was shivering again, but the sun couldn’t touch the parts of her that were icing over. The feeling of being exposed and vulnerable became overwhelming and, like the rabbit she’d felt like, Sapphire bolted for the hole in the hill. She fled with the fear and doubt snapping at her heels and, long after she lay curled up in the darkness, they howled outside her door until her very sanity felt shaken. 

The afternoon sun was blazing when Sapphire finally stepped out of the shadows. Without any unnecessary movements or sounds, without lifting her head, she gathered up the rest of her clothing and put it back on. The skirts she’d hung over the benches were dry as well and she pressed her face into the bundle, inhaling the scent of the prairie and clean cotton, until her heartbeat slowed and she could stand up straight again. She made some effort at evening out the grass in the bedbox and covering it evenly with her skirts, but by the time she’d lugged the benches back inside she was exhausted again. Who cared if the benches were a little crooked anyway? She certainly didn’t and Ruby straddled them like he was still riding that damn horse of his half the time. She wasn’t a maid. 

Afternoon faded into evening and from there became the haze of twilight. Like her, it was a thing that existed in between - neither brilliant light of day nor the absolute darkness of night. Barely alive but not yet dead. Ruby found her sitting with her back to the hill, the wilting morning glories curling around her as they fell asleep. The dying light of day was reflected in the knife she was casually tossing into the air and catching by the blade. 

“Sapphire? I'm home.” 

She hummed a vague acknowledgment and the knife was flipped in the air once more. This time she caught it by the hilt and sheathed it. Ruby looked uncomfortable, but her entire day had been uncomfortable. She shrugged unsympathetically and said, “Astounding observation. What took you so long?” 

“It's nice to see you too. Gosh, I missed you. I’m so sorry if you were worried about me,” Ruby grumbled, folding his arms and glaring down at her. His irritation and the surprising use of sarcasm was both noted and disregarded in favor of pointing out the obvious. 

“I never said that I missed you or that I was worried.”

Ruby crouched down beside her and held out a hand. He still looked as annoyed as she felt, but there was a hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth. “Didn't you? Damn, and here I thought I had finally learned to translate your language.” 

In a fair world, her glare should have had Ruby retreating with his tail between his legs, not baring all his teeth in a challenging grin. She placed her hand in his and was pulled to her feet. When Ruby inhaled, she expected round two and prepared herself to return anything he said with a scathing remark. Instead he leaned in closer, breathed deeply, and said with perfect sincerity and approval, “ Huh! You smell nicer now!” 

Even Ruby had the good sense to realize, almost instantly, that he’d misspoken. His face blanched and he jerked backwards almost fast enough to avoid her palm connecting with his cheek. Almost. Ruby’s yelp of pain almost drowned her out when she snapped, “And you stink like horse and sweat.”

Rubbing his cheek and muttering something under his breath, Ruby made a big show of giving her a wide berth as he circled around to go inside. She looked to Garnet, who was quietly standing off to the side and chewing a mouthful of clover around her bit. For lack of anything better to do, since she now realized Ruby was using the last light of day to kindle a fire, Sapphire began removing the mare’s tack. It was methodical and calming to go through a routine she knew as well as dressing and undressing herself, but with no unpleasant connotations. First saddle bags and then the breast collar. Once the front and back cinches on the saddle were loosened, the saddle and blanket could be lifted off in one piece. The bridle was draped over the saddle and she waited outside for Ruby, stroking Garnet’s neck and roughing up the sweaty fur.

“Does it still hurt?”

The footsteps that Sapphire had heard approaching her faltered and then resumed their steady pace. Ruby’s voice defied the hushed and drowsing world by ringing out clearly. “It stung for a few minutes.”

“So did what you said,” Sapphire replied, trying to sound indifferent. It wasn’t easy, because just beneath that protective shell was a seething mess of feelings. She fiercely resented being conflicted in so many ways that were utterly beyond her control, but that wasn’t really Ruby’s fault. It wasn’t his fault that she felt this way or that he was the miserable witness to her breaking down. A much larger hand covered hers as she moved on to pet the mare’s flank; his left over her right so he wasn’t on her blind side. Sapphire refused to turn around and Ruby didn’t try to make her, but his next words set her nerves on edge. 

“Sapph, don’t hit me again.” Sapphire couldn’t detect any menace, but that sounded like an ultimatum to her. Much to her consternation, she reflexively hunched her shoulders against some expected form of violence. She tried to pull her hand out from under his, but Ruby pressed down firmly and kept speaking. “No, listen, I’m not threatening you. I’ve never going to hit you back and I’m asking you to show me the same respect.”

“You won’t hit me? Why?” It was hard to pull a single thread free from the tangle of resentment, fraying nerves, and desperation to deflect the conversation away from her mistake. Part of her didn’t even want to believe that Ruby wouldn’t resort to violent retaliation, but then wouldn’t he have done it already? Instead, she goaded him, trying to shift the blame or at least the real focus, “Because I’m a woman and you think I’m weak? Is that it?”

“Strength is more than using force to get what you want, Sapphire. It’s self control and it’s having mercy on someone even when it’s not easy. If you’re a weak person, it’s not because you’re a woman.”

He was giving her that disappointed look again; the one that made her feel ashamed and angry in the same heartbeat. He’d expected better of her? Hellfire and damnation, didn’t he think she had expected more from herself than this and by what right did he expect anything from her to begin with? Her mind suggested that Ruby might have expected a civilized woman and not a barefooted child having a tantrum, but she squashed the traitorous accusation. Relentlessly, the thought hammered at her, digging into the cracks of her consciousness, deriding her for behaving less mature than some wet behind the ears deputy and, worse, caring what he thought of her at all. 

“I’ve let you take your temper out on me when it was only words, because I know you’re stressed and afraid and I’m the only person here to yell at. I don’t enjoy it, but I have tried to understand. Was that a mistake? Did I just convince you that you could hurt me however and whenever you felt like it?”

“That’s not true!” she exclaimed, floundering for a denial that sounded convincing to herself, much less to Ruby, “I… I. That’s not true.” Except it was. Garnet was picking up on the tension, pawing at the ground and flicking her tail until she moved away from them entirely. As Garnet wandered off into the shadows, their hands fell down to rest between them. Ruby’s hand wrapped around hers completely and squeezed. 

“I have to draw the line at you physically attacking me. Please don’t do that again. It will change the situation between us in ways I really don’t want.”

The pressure of his request was much like his grip, gentle but not something she could easily shake off or ignore. Of the hundred different problems weighing her down at that moment, the least of them was that Ruby wanted to hold hands like schoolgirls at a church social. Sapphire felt so tired and numb that she could almost have laid herself down in the dirt and stayed there. “What do you want from me?”

“Same old question as always, huh?” A little humor crept into Ruby’s voice and she followed without complaint when he led her inside. Even more than the chilly night wind, the anxiety left her hands feeling icy cold in spite of the heat radiating from Ruby’s skin. He didn’t pick up the conversation until they were both sitting comfortably in front of the fire and he was chafing her hands between his own. “I’d like an apology, but I think you’d sooner die. Could you at least tell me why you were in such a foul mood?”

“You said it only stung for a few minutes.”

Ruby dropped her hands immediately, tossing them back into her lap and slapping his own on his knees for emphasis. She almost jumped out of her skin when he shouted back, “It's not about how much it did or didn't hurt!” 

The sudden mood shift startled her so much that she couldn’t think of fleeing or fighting. Ruby raked his hands through his hair, ruffling it up so much in frustration that his curls nearly stood on end, but when she caught his eye the only thing she saw was pain. Somehow, she’d hurt him beyond the slap and she couldn’t fathom how. It had been childish, but it made no sense that he was taking it this hard. He shook his head and stood up, brushing his pants off. Without a word, he crawled into bed and turned his back to her. 

Sapphire was starting to feel just as hurt and frustrated as Ruby apparently did. She was also just plain baffled. Her gaze fell to her lap; a metallic gleam drew her attention to the knife in it’s sheath against her thigh and, in that moment, she understood. He had never seen it coming. Somehow, as often as Ruby showed her that he honestly didn’t believe that she would hurt him, it always came as a surprise. Just as he’d let her keep the knife, he hadn’t guarded against her lashing out. Sapphire didn’t really know what to do with his badly misplaced trust in her. It was overwhelming and felt more than a little like a noose tightening around her neck. She couldn’t help but wonder what would happen to that trust if Ruby knew how close she’d come to killing him before. Would it vanish like a dream when the sleeper wakes or would he say that the very fact that she had not been able to kill him, that he still lived, justified his faith?

What Sapphire said next was so low that she was surprised Ruby heard anything at all. She wasn’t sure if that was a relief or if it just made her feel more ill. He rolled over and watched her; now his expression was guarded and she looked away. “I said that I regret hitting you; it was uncalled for. I won’t do it again unless I’m given a reason to defend myself.” 

There was no point in adding that last part, they both knew it, but she needed something that felt like protecting herself. Every word had been forced out, not because they were dishonest, but because it was more honest than she felt secure with. Still, explaining why she was in this state would be even less palatable. When the silence stretched on uncomfortably long, she shrugged despondently and said, “It’s good you came back.”

“Did you think I wouldn’t?” The grass rustled as Ruby heaved himself up and returned to his place across from her. He was obviously offended, but at least he wasn’t closing her out. She’d never wanted or asked for his trust, but its absence left an emptiness that was even more discomfiting than its presence. He reached into his vest and pulled out the deck of cards. That was the last thing she’d expected, but Ruby smiled slightly and held out the deck. “Would it cheer you up to help me lose at cards again?”

“I’d like that, yes,”she said quietly, taking the cards and thinking about his offer as she shuffled them. It was a humble offer and very well intentioned, but she didn’t want him throwing himself at her feet any more than she wanted him going for her throat. “ However, I’m going to teach you to win at cards. The best games are between equal players.”


	18. The Sinner Flees Eden

Sapphire’s lungs burned with the need for air, for rest, but if her mind was to be denied relief then her body wouldn't be given it either. She ran because she couldn’t stand to face Ruby and see who the real fool was. Rage and self pity drove her onward, but worst of all, worst because she of all people should have known better than to trust or believe in anyone or anything, was the ache of betrayal. Her shadow chased her all the way into town and pooled around her as she dropped to her knees, gasping for breath. 

The morning had started off so well. They stayed up late, playing cards until all the tension of the day had fallen away and laughter warmed by firelight had filled in all the empty spaces between them. Ruby was making steady progress in learning cards and perhaps she had thrown a few games to give him confidence. Only a few. At first. When success had brought self-assurance without arrogance, when he had started learning faster and playing better, she felt vindicated in her methods. They’d woken up late as a result, but with nothing to do and nowhere to go, she had the freedom to lay in bed and relax. 

It had been in that moment of lazy tranquility that Ruby had asked when she thought she’d be ready to leave. He’d followed the trail as far as possible yesterday and felt certain it would lead them to one that was still in use. The rhythm of the world skipped a beat or maybe it was only her heart. In her mind, she remembered how clear everything was in that moment. The way the sun was shining in through the window and onto the table, the morning glories peeking in at the vibrant wildflowers bunched proudly in their bottles. There had been a time in her life when she’d had roses in crystal vases and those bottles would have been filled with expensive wine and champagne, but that world had been so far away that the memory had stopped hurting so much. She could see the dust motes floating in the breeze that ruffled the flower petals and Ruby’s dark curls where he sat beside her. 

Most of all, she saw that Ruby wanted to leave and that he didn’t care what that meant to her. If he had, then he wouldn’t be looking at her with simple eagerness and enthusiasm in his eyes and asking when she was ready to go be executed. What had followed next was a blur of yelling and hateful words as the daydream fell away to reveal that the nightmare had never really left. She’d shoved Ruby over the side of the bed and stormed out. He’d followed, bellowing at the top of his lungs that being with her was like living with a mad dog and he never knew what would provoke her from one minute to the next? Was it a full moon? Was her plan to stay where they were and slowly starve to death when winter set in? What was she thinking? 

What indeed. She turned on Ruby with her teeth bared, just like the dog he’d named her, and snarled that he was even more treacherous than her. Congratulations! What a brilliant ploy, hiding behind all those words of morality and mercy while thinking only of himself. Was it satisfying to play the long suffering martyr; did it feel special being the saint looking down from his cloud at the sinners? If she was a dog, then why should she feel gratitude to be thrown scraps so he could take pride in being charitable. He could get back on his high horse and ride off with her blessing, but the mongrel was staying! Bon voyage, bonne chance, and go find someone else to meet his need to be the righteous hero.

She hadn’t needed or wanted to hear what he had shouted after her; her feet had already been set on the path away from a place that wasn’t home and leading to a place that wasn’t home either. That was acceptable; she’d never followed any other sort of path and there was no point in trying to change that now. It had started as a determined march but, gradually, became a headlong run. Ruby didn't follow her. There was a painful stitch in her side and she could barely breathe, but she didn't stop until the buildings loomed around her like a gawking crowd. 

As soon as she could drag her body up from the dirt, Sapphire staggered to her feet and headed straight for the bar. It wasn’t even noon and she would have killed for a stiff drink, but lacking that she would settle for destruction. The first dilapidated chair collapsed with a satisfying crunch when she kicked it. A partially broken glass bottle became a completely broken bottle and a rain of razor shards when she hurled it against the far wall. The next chair put up a pathetic resistance, but she reduced it to fragments too. Kicking the side of the stage did nothing but hurt her foot, so she cursed it to the deepest level of hell, to burn eternally while being eaten by wood maggots, and moved on to another chair. It was only when there wasn’t a piece of glass left bigger than her palm and precious few chairs that she slumped down on the stage and closed her eyes.

It took too long for her heart to stop trying to beat its way out of her chest and her knees still felt weak, but Sapphire left the building with more calm than she entered it. She stood in the middle in the dirt street, swaying slightly, and looked around. Maybe it was just a childhood habit forcing its way to the surface, taking advantage of her weakness, but she found herself approaching the small church and pushing open the double doors quietly. The dust of years had settled on the floor and it muffled the sound of her boots. Between the open doors and the tall windows, it was brightly lit and not particularly stuffy or hot, so she took a seat in the front pew. 

The last time she’d sat in a church, her feet hadn’t reached to the floor. Sapphire tapped her heels on the aged, but still sturdy, boards and took in the stillness of the place. They’d build it well. The roof was still intact and the doors had been firmly shut, preventing larger animals from getting inside. She was sure the smaller ones had made their own less obtrusive doors, but there was nothing left here for man or mouse. In all, there was very little evidence of neglect beyond a dire need of a dusting. She fidgeted in place, clasping her hands absently and then pulling them apart when she realized what she was doing. Sapphire turned her face up to where the pulpit had once stood and said, “I don't believe in you anymore.” 

Her voice sounded oddly flat in the dead air and she was beginning to change her mind on the place not being stuffy, but a breeze smelling of sun-parched grass and earth wafted through the open door behind her. She could stay a bit longer, perhaps. Sapphire sighed and leaned forward to rest her head in her hands. “And you wonder why Ruby thinks you’re stark barking mad? You’re either talking to yourself, to the walls, or to a being you don’t particularly believe exists and who, if He did exist, wouldn’t be listening to the likes of you. What does this behavior suggest about you?”

Looking up sharply, Sapphire addressed the ceiling in as calm and reasonable a tone as she could manage under the circumstances. “For the sake of argument, let’s pretend You’re there and listening to me. Agreed? Great.” She choked down any further sarcasm and spread her arms wide. Sapphire was starting to feel outraged again and she couldn’t control the rising volume of her accusations. “Is this… punishment for my sins? It that it? Was I too hardened before to suffer enough? Instead, I’m broken down by degrees and humbled, given a brief moment of peace and relative comfort, so that when fate catches up with me it’s all the more agonizing and humiliating by contrast?”

Now that she’d started this nonsense, Sapphire regretted it. She didn’t even know where to take it from this point. Putting her back to the side of the pew, she propped herself against it and put her feet up on the seat. Her mother would have been horrified, but then if she knew who and what her child had become the lack of manners would pale in comparison. That was a pointless line of thought too. On the night she’d sat in the stateroom of the Empress Lily and tried futilely to wipe the blood from her hands and face, she’d known two things: killing the human being most responsible for her pain had brought neither satisfaction or relief and she could never go home. She wasn’t the same person anymore and never would be again.

Sapphire looked out the window, but the shadows of what had been lingered even in the brightness of day. Prairie sunflowers had clustered around the windows and they danced in the ever-present breeze with their faces turned up to the light like good little children. One of the first stories she could remember from the bible was how the first humans had lived in a garden. Eden. Paradise. A place of simplicity and happiness, where death and fear didn’t exist. But Sin in its most basic form, the desire to take what isn’t yours to have, entered their hearts and their eyes were opened. The world changed, not because the world itself was different, but because of what they knew. They looked upon their naked bodies and felt shame for the first time. They knew what evil was and they were banished from the garden. Temptation had condemned them and knowledge had corrupted them. Eden was not for the sinners who had seen what darkness lurked in human hearts. 

“Is that it?” she whispered. She swallowed, but her throat felt almost too tight to breathe, much less speak. “Whatever punishment waits for me can wait for my death, but I’m expected to live between then and now knowing, beyond doubt, that the gates are forever locked against me? I can’t go back to a simple and happy existence, because I know too much? I knew that already and I was resigned to it! Why remind me?!”

“It's not my fault! It's not my fault! I didn't do anything to deserve what happened to me!” Sapphire jumped to her feet because to remain lying down felt too vulnerable. She didn’t want to be on her back. She was screaming at the top of her lungs for the first time that she could remember and Sapphire just didn’t care how she looked or how she sounded, because what did anything matter anymore? Who was there to see? Who gave a damn about her anyway?! “I didn't deserve any of it! I didn't ask for him to notice me! I didn't do anything wrong! I had everything I could possibly have wanted! I was HAPPY! I … I ...now what am I? Half blind, half dead, and completely wretched. Forget it! I don't want anyone and no one in their right mind would want me! And if You are really there then I don't want You either! How dare you put someone kind in my world when it's too late for kindness to matter! It's too late!”

The torrent of rage and despair cut off with a raw sob. Tears were beyond her; not even that relief was within her capacity. Instead, she closed her eyes and tried to ignore the way her throat ached from screaming and how it made every breath a strangled misery. Sapphire’s knees folded and hit the worn floor. Kneeling with her hands clasped and held so tightly against her chest that her skin felt bruised, she didn’t pray. Her mind was both too empty and too full for that, so she rocked and sobbed for breath until there was nothing but silence. Sapphire’s eyes were dry when she collapsed forward and pressed her palms and forehead to the boards, bending under the weight of her burden but refusing to break. Her legs were cramping and going numb from holding the position, but she couldn’t rise and refused to fall. 

She closed the doors open behind her when she left the church and didn’t look back. The wide open world sprawled around her in every direction and there was no one who could or would stop her from choosing a direction to walk in, but there was no where she wanted to go. Unlike Ruby, she had no home to long for or people waiting for her to come back. Sapphire wandered down the street and contemplated the poetic sort of irony the town presented to her, a place without people and a person without a place. Between what had been a bank and a general store, there was a raised platform. A sturdy beam ran from one building to the other over it and the fraying remains of a hemp rope dangled down. She’d avoided looking at this every time she came, because it could be that it have held a banner in better days and the platform would have been for making public announcements and the like. That could have been it. Yes, that and the occasional public execution. 

Something deep inside rose up and pushed aside the pain and hopelessness. It was hard and cold and better than continuing to suffer. Sapphire had lived her life for the entertainment of others and she’d be damned if she’d die for their entertainment too. She turned away and marched up to the first house on the row, the one that had brought her the most luck and that seemed like it might make a good shelter for a while. Going back to the dugout was out of the question and she was fairly certain Ruby was long gone by now. 

Crossing the threshold was like leaving something behind. If that was a loss or a relief, she didn’t feel enough to tell the difference or care. Sapphire walked across the floor to the kitchen, for once not following the perimeter around the room. A sound, the faint groan of strained wood, stopped her dead in her tracks. She tried to not even breathe as she eased one boot forward. Nothing. No creaking, no bowing of the boards. She took another step and then another. Sapphire smirked and laughed at her own folly, taking confident step forward, and was plunged into darkness. 

When she regained consciousness, there was no way of knowing how long she'd been laying in the cellar. Her last memory was of a deafening splintering of wood and falling. Above, the dim light was tinged red. Afternoon, but on what day? Sapphire tried to sit up, but lifting her head set off an explosion of pain in her skull. Stars filled her vision, blinding her even more, and she gagged. It could have been seconds or even hours until the pain and nausea subsided; it was endless to Sapphire and she lay limp and soaked in sweat by the time it passed. Without moving her head again, she straightened out her legs and tried moving her toes. Then she flexed each hand individually, slowly curling her fingers towards her palms. The right palm burned like fire and she couldn’t close it entirely, but nothing appeared to be broken. 

The circle of light above her was fading. Once it was night, she’d be left in total darkness. She was alive and already interred in her grave. Fear stabbed through her armor of indifference and lodged deep in her heart. Sapphire’s body was still, but inside was a hysterical screaming. The only thing that slipped past her iron control was a faint whine. If she remembered correctly, the cellar door was latched on the other side. Even if she managed to get up and find the stairs in the dark, she didn’t have the strength to break the door down. The tips of her fingers brushed the knife still securely sheathed against her thigh. In her mind, she’d envisioned dying many times but being buried alive? No. Please, no. Please if -

If it wasn’t her desperation leading her to hear what wasn’t really there, someone was yelling her name. Sapphire listened, straining to catch any possible sound. A voice she had never expected to hear again rang out, muted by the walls between them but unmistakable. Ruby was outside and calling for her. He was calling for her and... moving away. She tried to answer, but she could only manage a rasping cough that made her head pound. Ruby paused after calling her name, so she wracked her brain to find a way to catch his attention. The throbbing in her skull provided the answer. 

She pulled her knife free and awkwardly passed it to her good hand. Her fear of fumbling and losing the knife in the dark was too great to rush, but with every second Ruby was getting further away. The moment she was sure of her grip, Sapphire gritted her teeth and began hammering on the stone floor with the pommel cap. The metallic impact didn't seem half as loud as she'd hoped, but it was the best she could do. Nothing. Ruby didn’t call her name again or, if he did, he was already too far away. 

“Sapph? Are you there?” Sapphire was almost afraid to believe what she was hearing. It sounded like Ruby, but there were stories of people who heard and saw things that weren't there after head injuries. She'd hit her head very hard twice in her life; the first time had cost Sapphire the sight in her left eye. It wasn't hard to believe the second time might have robbed her of sanity. There was no logical reason why Ruby should have come after her. The boards above her grave creaked. “Sapphire?”

It was too dim and the sun was behind them, so Sapphire couldn’t see the face that peered down at her from the distant, jagged circle of light. She only knew that the figure gasped and disappeared. Overhead, the footsteps circled, nearer and farther, but never leaving. Her knife had served it’s purpose, but the struggle to get it back into its sheath was far and away more difficult than getting it out. Her right palm was too painful and swollen for that kind of dexterity, but force of will won out over physical limitations. By then, the footsteps sounded like they were in the kitchen.

The cellar door crashed open without any warning, jolting Sapphire into turning her head and throwing her back into blinding pain. She closed her eyes and let the agony roll over her, breathing shallowly to avoid choking on the dust and to keep from screaming. That would only make her heart hurt worse. Someone was standing over her now, but the pain drove all thought from her mind; there was no sight, no sound, no feeling but the pain. Slowly, one sensation separated itself from the overwhelming pain. It still hurt, but it was different. There was pressure on her shoulder. She tried to open her eyes, even a slit, and saw that Ruby was kneeling on the ground beside her. It was definitely Ruby and the hand on her shoulder was real. He was saying something, but it was hard to focus on the words. She thought he might be asking if any bones were broken. 

“Nngh… nuh… no.” Sapphire honestly wasn’t sure if she’d spoken words. Ruby must have heard something in her groan, because he leaned in closer and she could feel him easing his arms under her body and around the boards. Boards. She hadn’t even noticed the boards under her through the haze of pain and the splitting headache. Being lifted made the world itself shift and her stomach heaved. Bile burnt the back of her throats and Sapphire swallowed convulsively. At least she'd had no solid food all day. At least that. She turned her face into Ruby’s chest and focused on breathing. 

When the movement of the world stilled and her stomach settled, Sapphire opened her eyes cautiously. Ruby had carried her out into the street and, once their eyes met, he bent and set her down as if she was as breakable as fine china. She thought surviving the fall proved otherwise, but anything that avoided jarring her aching head again was good. What was not good was the way he was reaching towards her face. Sapphire tried to grab his wrist and missed, only then realizing what the darkness in the cellar had hidden. Her vision was heavily distorted, the figures and objects around her blurring and doubling. Sapphire closed her eyes tightly and counted slowly to ten, but when she opened them again the world was still unfocused and oddly overlapping the things around her. 

The movement of Ruby’s arm behind her back, supporting her and at the same time cinching her closer to him, snapped her attention back to him at a moment when terror was pressing her past all reason. She didn’t need to see clearly to push away something she could feel and Sapphire surged to her feet the moment Ruby’s arms fell away. The agony was a driving force now, giving her the kind of adrenaline rush that numbed her to anything but the desperate need to get away. 

Sapphire’s heart was racing so fast that a detached part of her mind wondered dispassionately if she was dying. That didn’t frighten her even a fraction as much as continuing to live if she lost the sight in both eyes. Sapphire didn’t even know what direction she was going in; the world was nothing but a red-stained haze. She staggered forward, feeling like she was back on the steamboat and the ground was a deck tilting beneath her feet. Her stomach heaved again, as it had never done on the river, and her joints felt oddly lose. Was she stumbling or was she floating? Thoughts blurred together as badly as her vision and her knees began to give way. 

She froze. Another step was impossible and falling was unacceptable. Sapphire swayed, balancing precariously on the edge of possibilities she couldn’t accept. A bead of sweat rolled down her cheek and she couldn’t move to wipe it away. Her knees were trembling now and she willed them to hold her. Then the strain was bearable again, because she was leaning against something steady. No, someone. Ruby. He had looped an arm around her back again and was sharing the burden of most of her weight. He was holding her hand. 

“Sapph, I’m begging you to stop now,” he whispered. Sapphire twitched at the feeling of breath against her ear. It was too close, too personal, but Ruby was speaking and it took all her wits to put the words in sensible order. “Think of it as doing me a favor instead of owing me anything. Can you do that? I can’t endure watching you struggle like this, so have mercy and let me help you. Please, you’re tried hard enough now.”

It was on the tip of her tongue to say she owed him nothing, much less mercy. She wanted to tell Ruby she didn’t need or want help from anyone, particularly him, but her traitorous body was already relaxing into the support. She never fell, as she’d feared, but instead was guided down until she was cradled in Ruby’s lap. It seemed to her that they sat there for a while, but her eyelids were too heavy and her chin sunk onto her chest. The wild strength that had filled her was gone as abruptly as it had come, leaving nothing but exhaustion in it’s wake. 

Her thoughts, half formed and lost before she could recognize them, wandered aimlessly. She became aware, vaguely, that Ruby’s grip was getting tighter and tighter until a moan of pain was forced past her lips. His apologies followed her down into the fog of something that wasn’t quite sleep. Sapphire shifted restlessly and was settled more securely in Ruby’s arms before being lifted up. Detachment from both earth and self should have been alarming, but instead it only brought relief from what tormented her. He was humming again. The woman didn’t know the words anymore, but what was left of the child inside her did and she hummed the long forgotten tune in the stillness that had finally come into her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Simple Gifts”  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=baNueuDCue0


	19. Attempted Exodus [Ruby's Side]

Ruby watched Sapphire march off, her back held as straight as a fire iron, until she was out of sight and the dust had settled from the pounding of her boots. They'd said a lot that they shouldn't have and they'd done it at the top of their lungs. Ruby wasn't particularly proud of it, but when they thought back to the way she’d acted that morning they didn’t feel much guilt either. 

Less than an hour ago, Sapphire had seemed so different from the harsh, heartless woman they’d first met. She’d been curled beside them on the bed with the loose, boneless grace of a house cat, cheek resting on the arm curled under her head. The faded blue cloth of her skirt complemented the tumble of blonde hair perfectly and the bath had done her a world of good, but the real beauty was in the relaxed smile on her lips. It softened the angles of her face and made Ruby believe they had finally found the woman behind the mask. Her temper tantrum the other evening had been startling and Ruby didn’t fully understand what had provoked it, but something far more surprising had happened. She’d apologized and, just as importantly, promised not to lash out like that again.

Maybe that was why an almost blinding rage had filled them when, for no apparent reason, she’d violently shattered the peaceful moment. Ruby could still feel the clutch of her hands on their shoulders as she pushed them over the side of the bed; they could still see the way she’d turned on them in a heartbeat. She’d run from the house and they’d pursued her as vengefully as they had when this nightmare had begun. Every thought and feeling Ruby has suppressed about her as a person came pouring out. They’d called her a mad dog and, like a mad dog, she’d flashed her teeth and bitten them to the bone. 

And she _had_ bitten to the bone, accusing them of being self-serving and self-aggrandizing. Ruby had never even thought of themselves in that context and, bewildered and hurt, they’d backed away from the snarling animal. They could only conclude that this was more of her twisted logic, but the words still burned poisonously. This was no beaten dog, something abused and pitiable that only needed kindness. Sapphire was nothing but a cold-blooded snake and they really were the fool she’d called them, thinking she could be anything else. Ruby was utterly sick of her.

A soft snort drew their attention to Garnet. She was standing on the far side of the stream, hock-deep in blackberry bushes and watching them. The mare’s skin shivered as if flies were biting at her and they felt judged by those dark, long-lashed eyes. Ruby’s chin came up and they snapped, “Stop looking at me like that!” Her ears laid back at the sound of their anger and Garnet did just that, trotting off along the bank to a quieter patch of grass. Ruby yelled after her, “I'm tired of always being the bigger person and trying to understand her! Not anymore! Not this time! She can come crawling back with an apology if she wants to! Or run off! I don't care anymore!”

If everyone wanted to run away from them, then Ruby would be just fine alone. They didn’t need some crazy woman who was holding their hand one moment and at their throat in the next. They didn’t need a traitorous and judgmental horse. Ruby was hungry, but they began collecting smooth pebbles instead. When they had filled their hat, Ruby thumped themselves down on the bank and started throwing the pebbles into the stream. One by one the pebbles disrupted the smoothly flowing surface, briefly causing ripples before being lost in the current. Once they’d been adopted, Ruby had thought life could be like that - full of minor interruptions, but nothing that truly changed the pleasant, steady current they’d found themselves in. Minor interruptions? Sapphire was like the introduction of rapids!

The next rock was bigger and hit the water with more force. She wasn’t the only person whose life had been turned on its head by this, but Sapphire certainly acted as if she was. She wasn’t the only one who’d been terrified or experienced suffering. Another rock hit one of the trees across the stream, gouging the bark and leaving them feeling a little guilty. They didn’t want to be like her and take their anger out on other living things. The stones ran out long before Ruby’s anger did.

By the time noon passed and Sapphire hadn’t returned for lunch, that rage had cooled to embers. Ruby had become so accustomed to keeping Sapphire alive that they were worried when she didn’t eat, which was an irritating realization. Why should they care so deeply when Sapphire made it clear the feeling wasn’t mutual? Ruby sat with their back to the side of the doorframe and leaned back into the embrace of the morning glories, letting the vines curl around their head and shoulders as they hugged their knees to their chest tightly. Maybe it was because they could still feel her limp body in their arms. 

She’d been so frail and helpless after losing consciousness out on the plains and taking care of Sapphire had become their entire focus. If Ruby had focused on themselves then they felt they might have lost hope and given up, but they couldn’t make that choice for someone else. No, better to think only of how to keep her warm at night and cool during the day. Better to work on getting her to sip water and keep breathing. Sometimes it had been so hard to tell if she was still breathing. And then she did stop.

Ruby had been using the shallows of the river as a way to keep them cool during the worst heat of the day. Holding her cradled in their lap, they’d sit up to their chest in the water and let the current wash away the sweat. With her head tucked into the crook of their neck and above the water, Ruby had felt she was safe. It also made it easier to bring a cupped hand to her lips and coax the barely conscious woman to drink. Garnet would follow them in, wading into the deepest parts and dozing there until the sun sunk lower in the sky.

When the exhaustion of sitting up became so intense that Ruby feared they might doze off too and drown them both, they’d lift Sapphire up onto the bank and lay next to her. The sun would even feel good for a while as the water evaporated from their clothing. Sleeping and waking blurred together; it was hard for Ruby to tell if they’d blinked or fallen asleep unless they checked the position of the sun. Had they dreamed of doing something or had that been real. Or was it a memory of something they’d done so many times that it felt like seconds ago. Ruby had wrapped an arm around Sapphire’s shoulders and held onto what they knew was real. 

They couldn’t say what woke them exactly, but maybe it had been the stillness of the body beside them. Despite the shock of alarm that had forced their eyes open, Ruby could only blink away the sleepy haze at first and try to put together what was wrong. When they did realize, Ruby was more painfully, terrifyingly awake than they’d been in days as they pulled her into their arms. Her bronzed skin had been as sallow as candlewax, a shade that was gruesomely lifeless, and her limbs moved in a way that felt too loose. Everything was razor clear in their mind’s eye, yet nothing made sense. It couldn’t make sense because what the facts added up to couldn’t be right. It wasn’t right. Ruby had patted her cheek gently and found no response. 

Soft patting had gradually become open handed smacks and shaking as fear drove everything from their thoughts except denial. It couldn’t be because they wouldn’t accept it. Ruby had barely felt the tears streaming down their cheeks until they were blinded by them. She couldn’t not be alive because then they’d be alone and they couldn’t be alone. Except she was and they were and it was the most unbearable moment of their life. Ruby had never felt so helpless and alone, not even when they’d been dragged from town to town for the strangers to stare at and reject in favor of better children. Children who were smart and attractive and wouldn’t make a mess of everything they touched. Like this. Like letting something, someone, that had been breathing and moving and alive just ...stop. Living things shouldn’t stop and yet they did and Ruby couldn’t prevent it and they were just one very small and pathetic little human being in a world that was too big and too empty and the woman in their arms was dead and that was the word they had refused to think until now and it broke something inside of them to think it.

Their body had been heaving with sobs, shaking as violently as they’d been shaking her. They couldn’t stop crying and couldn’t think past the crying because once they stopped… once they stopped crying then they would have to let go and Ruby didn’t know if they had the strength to move on and face the endless prairie alone. A small sound, so insignificant compared to the hysterical intensity of their crying and yet holding the only meaning they needed, interrupted their breakdown. Sapphire moaned and Ruby began crying even harder, lost in flood of emotions and gripping onto what was real to anchor themselves. 

She was whimpering like a frightened child, the pain and desperation echoing their own feelings, and it had stabbed them to the heart when they realized she was feebly struggling in their arms. They’d been clutching her so tightly that the skin below her clothes must have been bruising. Ruby rocked her tenderly then, petting her cheeks and choking out apologies, whispering to her of their remorse for hurting her and how she’d scared them and that she couldn’t do that again or they might not survive it a second time. It was too much and too little, but Ruby had held her until she calmed.

Ruby opened their eyes and looked up to the sky, wondering what Sapphire had thought as she sat here, right in this very spot, and waited for them to come home the other day. Had she somehow felt abandoned? Had she thought they wouldn’t come back and that she’d be left alone? Yes, they realized, she was too suspicious to not have considered that possibility. She probably rationalized it a hundred different ways before they had returned, so it was no wonder that she’d been sharp. It didn’t make it right, but it helped Ruby understand 

What Ruby didn’t understand was why Sapphire had reacted so violently that morning. She’d made her disdain for country folk and country living brutally obvious since the first day they’d met. At least half of her insults focused on what she presumed was their rural origins. Sapphire couldn’t possibly be happy with living so rough that the even humblest farmhouse would have been a luxury by comparison, so what was here that she couldn’t find better somewhere else?

By the time the setting sun was painting the expanse of sky above them in a blaze of reds and golds, Ruby wasn’t angry at all. They were frightened. There was no sign of Sapphire returning and, as far as they knew, she hadn’t taken anything to eat with her. Was she planning on spending the night in the abandoned town? She couldn’t have been so reckless as to walk off on her own. She was a logical person… superficially. No. She was calculating, but her logic and reactions had been deeply affected by something that had happened to her. Ruby had an idea of what it might have been, although they doubted she would ever outright tell them, but Ruby knew they couldn’t sit idly and trust she’d come back on her own.

The town wasn’t something they’d wanted to see up close. It was cowardly, they guessed, but the reminder that stories don’t always end happily was not what they needed. Not now when hope was a daily struggle to hold onto. As they trudged down the path to the last place they wanted to be, Ruby wondered if maybe that was why Sapphire retreated there. She felt at home in those ruins, that place where people had dreamed of life and found death and failure instead, because she didn’t believe in happy endings. It’s existence proved her right. Ruby squared their shoulders and kept walking.

Once they entered the town, Ruby stood in the middle of the dirt street and looked around. She wasn’t anywhere in sight, but any one of the dilapidated buildings would make a good hiding place. They picked one, mostly because the door was hanging half off the hinges, and found themselves in the middle of wreckage. There was no doubt Sapphire had been in the diner and no doubt she’d been in just as much a rage as they’d been, possibly more so judging by the extent of the damage. Well, that or she had the strangest notion of redecoration. If there was anything left to break, it was only because objects like the tables were too heavy to be easily kicked apart and she must had run out of steam before the last of the chairs had met their inevitable fate as kindling. Absently, Ruby made a note that there was good firewood to collect here and stepped back outside. 

“Sapphire? Sapph?” They called out tentatively and listened. Nothing. Would she really ignore them and not answer? Ruby deliberately avoided the thought that she might not be there; that she might have chosen to walk off on foot. Something like that would be a fatal choice, so she wouldn’t have done that and they wouldn’t think of it. It was starting to get late and Ruby didn’t like the idea of spending the night in town. They could come back in the morning and hope the stubborn woman would accept breakfast as a peace offering, but some nagging feeling of concern made them linger. They yelled louder, “Sapph! Sapph, are you there? Sapphire!”

The silence was unnerving. Ruby couldn’t shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong and it was a struggle to not break into a run. Where they’d run to or why, whether it was to something or from it, they didn’t know either, so Ruby controlled themselves and shouted Sapphire’s name again. As the sun crept closer to the horizon, the shadows grew longer and the buildings seemed to loom over them. Ruby wrapped their arms around their chest and tried to think. It was then that they heard something that wasn’t the sound of the wind in the grass or their feet on the ground. It was so faint that Ruby found themselves holding their breath and standing perfectly still for fear they’d lose it.

Tapping. Something was tapping. Ruby turned their head slowly, trying to find the source. Even that small movement made the sound waver at the very edge of their ability to hear it, but Ruby was very determined once they’d found something to fixate on. It was coming from the left, a house just behind them and the door to it was open. There. That one. The idea that it might be something or someone other than Sapphire caught up with them at the threshold and they paused before stepping inside. The interior was filled with a deep gloom; shadows clung to every corner and obscured their view of anything that might be lurking.

“Sapph? Are you there?” Ruby didn’t believe in ghosts. Not really. Well, not a lot. But if ghosts did exist, a ghost town would be the place you’d most likely run into one. The preacher back home had been very firm when he’d said people had better places to go when they died and that their souls wouldn’t just get lost on the way there, but Ruby hadn’t thought they could get lost either and this was a place of lost things. They shook their head at the foolishness, but still their heart was in their throat as they took one step beyond the door. No one was answering them. A living human being would have answered, wouldn’t they? Breathless, they gathered their nerve and whispered, “Sapphire?”

A low moan from somewhere beneath their feet answered them and Ruby nearly bolted out the door. In their mind, they were already halfway back to the dugout and yet their feet kept moving forward. Their curiosity and the need to find Sapphire was greater than the fear prickling it's way up the back of their neck. Ruby could see the floor wasn’t steady, based on the big hole in the center, so they placed their feet carefully and tested each board before allowing their full weight to rest on it. Once they got as near to the hole as they felt was safe, Ruby eased down to their knees and crawled the last few feet to peer over the edge. What they saw left them gasping in horror and everything outside of getting down there ceased to matter.

Sapphire was lying on her back in what must be the cellar. Boards were scattered around and below her, so Ruby could easily guess what had happened. It was too dark to see how injured she might be and they didn’t waste time staring. Ruby scooted backwards and retreated to the perimeter of the room, almost hugging the walls as they tried to get around to the far door. The wood groaned in ways that made the hair on the back of their arms stand on end, but they kept moving forward. That doorway was the next goal; it had to be reached because Sapphire had to be reached and when they got there Ruby looked for the next goal. The hinges to the cellar door were rusted in place. Ruby fixed the problem by kicking it in.

Going down the stairs was a nightmare in itself. Ruby’s body was blocking the light from behind them so badly that they were descending into almost total darkness. There was only one true source of light and that was the faint beam shining down through the hole in the floor above them. It fell across Sapphire’s body like a dying spotlight, picking up faded gold highlights in her hair and making everything beyond it that much darker. It wouldn’t be long until even that light was gone. 

It looked like Sapphire had pitched backwards when the floor gave way and landed on her back across the boards, miraculously avoiding breaking a leg or arm by virtue of the way she'd fallen. There was no visible blood other than what was congealing on her right hand, but injuries weren't always that obvious and Ruby hesitated as they knelt beside her, hands hovering just above her shoulders. She didn’t seem to be aware of them but the shallow rise and fall of her chest was reassuring. If they’d gone home, if they’d decided to come back in the morning, then she might have…

“Sapph? Sapph! I’m here now. You’re going to be fine, but I need to know if you’re hurt before I can move you.” The heavy bangs that seemed to be forever obscuring her face and the dimness of the light made it difficult to tell if her eyes were open, but she didn’t turn in the direction of their voice or respond. Ruby pressed their hand against her shoulder and squeezed it lightly, careful to not shift her until they were given some positive sign. With more urgency, Ruby raised their voice and tried again. “Can you hear me? Sapph, please listen to me. Has anything been broken? Can I pick you up?” 

Her lips pursed, twisting and then parting as she tried to answer, but no sensible words were formed. Ruby stoked her shoulder in what they hoped was a comforting gesture and continued their coaxing. “Hush, shhhhh, please don’t struggle. Is anything broken? Take your time” Except they didn’t have time. The light from above was weakening and it would soon be too dark, but Ruby would be patient for her sake. Sapphire took a shuddering breath that ended in a groan of pain, but in that sound they heard the only word they’d needed. She’d heard and understood them; there was no reason they couldn’t pick her up and Ruby did exactly that as carefully as they could. 

Their knuckled scrapped against splintered wood and stone as Ruby worked their arms under her thin frame. As a child, one of the girls in town had been sent a gift by a wealthy grandmother back east - a real china doll. It had lived on a shelf in the family’s parlor, but before it had been consigned to life as a display piece, it had been passed around to the other children. Ruby still wasn’t sure if that had been an act of generosity or pride, but they’d given it back so fast that they’d nearly dropped it. The feeling of something so delicate, so breakable, had made them feel ill. They were too rough, too clumsy, to be given anything like that. 

Sapphire felt like that doll. Like her body might break if they held onto her too tightly. She was too light. They both were after only God knew how many days without proper food and it would only get worse if they stayed. Ruby cradled her to their chest and prayed that they were doing more good than harm. At the top of the cellar steps, Ruby decided that going out the front was impossible. Together their weight was too much and they couldn’t risk their lives on a floor that had already proved unreliable. Instead they nudged the back door open with their boot and carried Sapphire around the side of the house. The soft sounds of her pain hurt their heart, but they couldn’t set her down until they’d reached the street. 

They lowered Sapphire onto the earth and helped her sit up, holding her at arm’s length to better see how she’d fared. As they’d carried her, Sapphire’s hair had fallen to the side and it was in the last light of day that Ruby saw her face clearly for the first time. The bones of her face were long and narrow, far more delicate than their own, but it was her eyes that Ruby were most interested in. They were almond shaped and as sharply defined as the rest of her features, but where one was all pupil with a thin ring of sky blue around it, the other was clouded over. 

Without thinking, Ruby reached out to touch the corner of her injured eye and that proved a serious mistake. Sapphire’s body became instantly rigid and the soft, dazed look in her eyes was lost as they narrowed. She reached to push away a hand that was already retreating … and missed. By inches. Ruby felt as surprised as Sapphire looked, but they reflexively caught her as she overbalanced and lurched sideways. The guardedly neutral expression that Sapphire wore as a mask between the world and her heart slipped too and Ruby had never seen such an expression of wide-eyed horror. 

“Sapph, what’s wrong? Sapph?” They didn’t think she heard a word they were saying. Sapphire lifted a hand and stared it it for a moment before looking off into the distance. She blinked and then shut her eyes tightly. Quiet and still. Except that Ruby could see the pulse hammering in her throat and the shoulders they’d wrapped an arm around were starting to shake. They pulled her closer, half hugging Sapphire in an attempt to both physically support her and to offer what little comfort they could. She turned her head slightly, but it struck them as odd that she wasn’t looking at them. Her gaze was still blank, fixed on something beyond them, and a terrible suspicion began to form in their mind. 

Before they could ask, Sapphire pushed them aside with a wild strength they’d never have believed possible from her, even after this morning. She was on her feet while Ruby was still struggling to recover their balance. Sapphire staggered down the road like she she could barely see it and Ruby was now certain she couldn’t. Not well, at least. It was pathetically easy to catch up with her; every step she took swayed so badly that it threatened to topple her back to the ground. Yet she kept walking. Ruby followed closely behind, uncertain what to do, and wondered what kind of fear could drive someone so far beyond the limits of both strength and sanity. Now that they had come up beside her, Ruby could see her body entire body was shivering violently and she was gasping for breath as if she’d run for miles. As if she was on the verge of collapse. 

From the moment that she’d fallen from the cliff, Ruby had been reaching out to help Sapphire and she had bitten them almost every time in return. Part of them wanted desperately to catch her before she fell, just one more time, but what purpose could it serve when she didn’t want or appreciate that help? Ruby stopped following her in that moment, fists clenched at their sides and head hanging. Sapphire was moving slowly but surely away from them. If she got as far as the basin of the dried out lake, it would be surprising, but Ruby didn’t think they could watch that long and they continued to stare down at their boots. 

A small movement in Ruby’s peripheral vision brought their head up in shock and their heart twisted at what they saw. Sapphire had lifted a hand as a blind person might, reaching to feel anything that might be there. For anything that might be in her way. Or maybe, maybe something to steady herself with. It was the sight of that thin, trembling hand stretching out that broke their indecision. Ruby closed the distance at a run and wrapped an arm around Sapphire’s back, pulling her body against theirs and taking small hand in their own. 

“Sapph, I’m begging you to stop now,” they whispered, pressing their face into her neck and putting their lips to her ear. Yelling couldn’t convey the need they felt to not stand helplessly by and watch such suffering and they prayed that she would hear that in their voice; that she might hear their sincerity and relent. “Think of it as doing me a favor instead of owing me anything. Can you do that? I can’t endure watching you struggle like this, so have mercy and let me help you. Please, you’re tried hard enough now.” 

She stiffened in their arms and they were certain, so horribly certain, that this was when she’d find a way to make them regret trying to help her, but then her body sagged into their arms without a single protest. Ruby gathered the exhausted woman to their chest and carefully lowered them both to the ground. They didn’t want her to feel like she was running or falling any more, so they spent the last few minutes of daylight rocking her in their lap. Their pa had done much the same when they’d been afraid and Ruby had felt safe and hidden from the world. It felt good to have her head resting on their shoulder, so peaceful to feel her breathing and heart rate slowing to a steady pace.

There was a smile of relief on their lips when Ruby looked up to the sky and saw the rope. It was very old and hanging from a crossbeam built between buildings. The wide gap the beam had forced from one building to the next was the reason they were sitting in a patch of sun while the rest of the town was draped in shadows. The sun was lost below the dark line of the horizon and the blood red sky was bruising darkly into night when Ruby realized they truly were the fool Sapphire had named them. They glanced down at the limp body in their arms and then looked up again to face reality. 

Ruby had only attended one execution in their life and the memory still haunted them. A band of five cattle rustlers had been caught and sentenced to death by hanging. Ruby knew what the law was and they also knew that the loss of even a single animal was a terrible blow to the small ranches in the area, but what they would never understand was how human beings could turn death into public entertainment. The townspeople had spit on them and jeered the men as they were dragged through the crowd, but all Ruby could see was their ragged clothing and hopeless eyes. The youngest one had been a scrawny boy in his late teens who had wet himself in terror as they'd dragged him to the gallows. 

One man died with barely more than a curse at God, life, and the people who had condemned them. The rest died without a word, resigned to their fate and holding onto some small dignity until the end. The young man had been weeping silently while they tied the noose around his neck. Ruby had looked away at the last moment, bracing themselves for the sickening snap, but it never came. They could still see the young man's boots kicking in the air. The memory refused to dim or fade from their mind. His neck hadn’t broken because he hadn’t been heavy enough and the drop was too short. Ruby hadn’t looked at his face, couldn’t look, but oh God, they hadn’t been able to take their eyes off those kicking boots or block out those horrible, choking gurgles. 

Would Sapphire’s life end any differently if she left this place? They'd last been seen running off to catch her and, even if they didn't turn her in, someone else might. Eventually, someone would catch her. If she wasn't caught, then the blood of every person she murdered after this point would be on Ruby's hands. How could them have been such a fool that they had forgotten the fate she was fighting desperately to avoid? Of course she’d attacked them this morning. Ruby might as well of asked her when she was ready to die. They looked at Sapphire’s worn, dirty face and pressed a hand to her cheek. The skin was warm and her eyelashes fluttered slightly before she drifted deeper into sleep. They tried to imagine her cold, the flush of life gone from her skin. They tried to think of her being dragged to the scaffold as the young man had been dragged, being pushed and kicked and mocked by a crowd that thought spilling blood somehow equaled justice. They thought of boots that had kicked and jerked for far too long before they’d blessedly slowed and stopped. 

Most of all, Ruby thought of the moment they’d thought she was dead and knew beyond question that they’d go mad if this small, barely flickering life they’d fought so long and hard to protect was extinguished. Once, so long ago that it felt like another lifetime, they’d intended to catch a murderer and hand her over to the law. Now that they had caught Sapphire, they knew they couldn’t do it. What did that make them and what options did that leave? 

Ruby jumped when Sapphire moaned in pain. They’d been holding her too tightly. Again. Maybe they weren’t fit to take care of something breakable, but, Ruby added to themselves, Sapphire was very strong. They curled around her and hushed the incoherent whimpers with apologies that were only barely more comprehensible. Ruby rocked and whispered to her of their sorrow and regret that they couldn’t have met under better conditions, how they hadn’t meant to hurt her more than she was already hurting, and how they’d give her what they had to give. They asked her not to cry even when it was their own eyes filling with tears. 

Carrying her back home took late into the night. Ruby didn’t have the strength they’d had before and they were now painfully aware of it. They were forced to make frequent stops to rest their aching body on a trip that should have been fairly easy, even if they were carrying someone else. Ruby might even have pushed past the pain, but they couldn’t risk that they’d drop Sapphire because of a cramp in their arms or from the numbness that was taking over their body. They couldn’t afford to drop in their tracks when someone else would fall with them. 

At each stop, they’d hold Sapphire in their lap and lean back against the side of the gully. Stars blurred in the night sky above them and seemed to change position with each blink. They may have been. Ruby wasn’t sure how long their binks were lasting. An old song had come to mind, repetitive and soothing. Ruby’s voice was hoarse from yelling and the notes often cut off breathlessly, but still they sang softly to the woman who refused to sing anymore. 

“It’s a gift to be simple, it’s a gift to be free. It’s a gift to come down where we ought to be,” Ruby stood up on knees that were shaking and weak. It seemed impossible to keep walking, but they just took a deep breath and took one step. And then another. They’d wisely kindled a fire in the hearth before leaving the dugout and they could see the warm glow in the distance. Ruby breathed in the scent of the growing, living prairie and fixed their eyes on that far off light. “And when we find ourselves in the place just right, it will be in the garden of love and delight.”

“When true simplicity is gained, to bow and to bend we will not be ashamed.” Ruby though of how Sapphire had mistaken simplicity and kindness for stupidity, rather than a mindset that had been achieved through time and effort. What would she have thought if they told her simplicity could be the goal, not the starting point. She had surrendered in the end. Had her pride broken along with her strength or could some corner of her heart still understand the truth that Ruby believed in. There was no shame in her yielding or in them choosing to serve others. The light was closer now and they strained towards it. “To turn, turn, will be our delight. Til by turning, turning, we come round right.”

They laid Sapphire down in front of the hearth and threw more wood on it until the fire was blazing. There was a small amount of water left in the pot and Ruby pushed it near the flames to boil. They could have lain beside her and slept until the end of the world, they wished they could in that moment, but Ruby chose to dip their handkerchief in the water and wipe the smudges from Sapphire’s face. Then they held her injured hand up to the firelight and carefully blotted away the blood that had scabbed over it. Fortunately, it seemed to all be superficial scratches and Ruby could guess she’d reached out to break her fall or grab at the edge of the boards on the way down. The worst cut was across the center of her palm, but that would heal in time. 

There were wood splinters too and that was a problem; infection had to be avoided at any cost. After significant hesitation, Ruby drew that damnable knife she was always carrying around and took a moment to clean it of any dirt and blood had been smeared on it when she’d been tapping on the cellar floor. The edge had been obsessively sharpened, but that edge could now be used for help instead of harm. Ruby held it by the blade for stability and used the very tip to tease out the splinters. It was almost a relief that she was unconscious and past feeling any pain… or catching them with her knife. This one thing wouldn’t hurt for her to be unaware of. As soon as the last splinter was gone, Ruby gladly put the knife back where it belonged and washed her hand one last time. 

With Sapphire finally seen to and settled in the bed, Ruby should have been able to sleep. They’d earned rest ten times over and needed it even more than that, yet they couldn’t rest. The tears Ruby had been holding back for hours spilled over and they pressed their hands over their face to muffle the sound of their sobbing. The crying gave them no release from the despair.

Come winter, the two of them would be exposed to weather that they had no way to prepare for or protect against, but they probably wouldn't last long enough to make that a concern. The potatoes and greens were only enough to delay the inevitable. Yet what options were left? Ruby couldn't allow Sapphire to be killed but they couldn't allow her to walk free and keep killing either. To take her from this little haven they’d made could only mean one or the other and Ruby couldn’t be responsible for either outcome. To abandon her here alone would be a greater cruelty than they could live with. For the first time in their life, Ruby couldn’t move forward.

Yes, Sapphire had been right all along. They were a fool and their need to do what they believed was right would be their downfall. Ruby was sobbing so hard now that they almost gagged, anxiety mixing with nausea until they curled in on themselves to try and block it all out. They lay on the cool dirt floor, shivering and holding themselves as tightly as they had Sapphire, but there was no comfort to be found. Ruby prayed their pa would forgive them, because if they couldn’t think of something else then his child would never be coming home.


	20. The Death I Can't Live With

“My name wasn’t originally Sapphire,” she said, sipping the last of the cold vegetable broth from a tin cup. “When I was hired by the owner of the Empress Lily, he kept mispronouncing my real name and in the end he felt a fancy stage name would be better for business. I could have said something, but I was a child and at first I was too afraid to cause trouble. By the time I wasn’t afraid, my name had been Sapphire for too long to change it back.”

Nearly a week had passed since Sapphire had fallen. She’d spent the first three days in and out of consciousness, or so Ruby told her. Sapphire had no particular memory of that time, outside of a haze of pain that drove out almost all thought and Ruby. Ruby blocking the light from window because opening her eyes made it feel like daggers had been driven into her skull. Ruby talking to her reassuringly when she became disoriented, their voice becoming the only steady thing to hold onto as her mind swung erratically between hysterics and hostility. Ruby helping her sit up to drink tea he’d made from boiling blackberry leaves and lavender. Ruby rubbing her back when even that small amount of liquid made her gag. 

Sapphire had retreated into sleep to escape the pain, accepting a state that left her helpless because helplessness had no meaning in the absence of danger. Some of the lavender that Rudy had scavenged had been mixed in with the grass she slept on and it filled her troubled sleep with something that might have been peace. Once her mind had cleared and the pain had receded to a tolerable level, Sapphire had spent most of her waking hours laying in bed, breathing in the aroma of flowers and mulling over what she knew to be indisputable facts. It was a fact that before she had stepped onto that floor, Sapphire should have tested its reliability. Just because it had supported her once didn’t mean it could be trusted. 

“Do you ever think of trying to go back to your birth name?” 

Another fact was that a human had been given both ample reason and opportunity to harm her or, if nothing else, to leave her and the problem she represented behind. These chances had been offered so many times that she’d begun losing track and not once had they been taken. In fact, each opportunity had been a point at which Ruby had chosen to help her without asking for anything to be given in return. Perhaps that's why she decided to test something new. Sapphire didn't know if she had trust to give, but she could act as though she did. And she could see what came of it. 

“No. Something, once it has been changed, can't return to what it was originally.” Sapphire shook her head and swallowed another mouthful of broth. Ruby had been digging up plants from the field and gathering bits of plants from everywhere else. He had found more in the town than she had, truth be told, although she felt going there was upsetting him. The lavender had been found in the churchyard amongst the graves, no doubt planted to soothe grieving families and to lend a little beauty to a grim reality. The thyme and some other herbs had been scavenged from kitchen gardens run wild. Most had been eaten by animals and choked out by weeds, but some hardy specimens had survived and flourished. 

In better days, she'd have turned her nose up such unappealing fare and scoffed at the homely remedies he suggested to ward off infection or stop internal bleeding. Now she ate without complaint and drank roughly made teas with gratitude; respecting that Ruby had spent hours putting it together and that, regardless of how it tasted in the end, he was trying harder than anyone else had ever tried to please her and make her comfortable. Ruby was taking care of her. That had been a revelation too. 

Ruby had sat on the floor beside the bed one evening and spread an assortment plants in her lap. Sapphire had been seconds away from becoming irritated with him; her head was throbbing and she didn’t appreciate being a plate for a bunch of dirty leaves, but then he’d started naming them and asking what she liked the taste of. She’d promptly forgotten the names, but not the look in Ruby’s eyes. Those dark brown eyes had looked up at her ruefully when he’d disparaged his cooking skills, but he’d still seemed so eager to know her preferences and to improve. 

Her first test of Ruby’s nature had been to smile at him and see how it would be interpreted. He’d brightened and returned the smile tenfold, expanding on his cooking attempts and the tricks he’d discovered while she’ been sleeping, but he made no move to trespass into her personal space. He didn’t become overconfident or assume her interest extended beyond the meal. The strangest thing was that her feigned interest became real as they discussed cooking and it seemed to her that, although there could be no comparison to the hearty and heavily spiced meals of her childhood, it felt closer to those faded memories than anything else had in years. 

The second test had been offering her hand, wordlessly asking for help in getting up. He’d looked down at her hand in surprise, before taking it gently. Ruby had guided Sapphire to her feet and offered his elbow instead, giving her the option of help without pressing her or making her ask for it. When she linked arms and leaned into him, Ruby accepted the contact without seeking more. She wasn’t pulled closer; wasn’t touched beyond what she’d given permission for. Over and over, she allowed the Ruby to touch her in small ways as the days passed: a hand laid on her shoulder, her elbow, her hand. He never seemed to take it as a sign that her personal boundaries had been redrawn or, worse, been done away with entirely.

“I don’t use my birth name either, but I deliberately changed mine.” He glanced up from the carrots he was cutting up to make a new pot of broth. She’d been testing that too, offering innocuous bits of her life and finding that he listened. Ruby listened and he remembered what she said and no harm had come of it. Well, no harm other than a noticeable irregularly in the size of the carrot pieces as Ruby became distracted. The glass shard made a barely adequate knife, but Ruby hadn’t asked if she’d changed her mind about lending her knife. “It never felt right and, when I was adopted, it seemed like the right time to make a clean break from the past. I had a chance to be a new person.”

“What was it? Your name, I mean,” she asked. He swept the carrots into the pot and she handed him some thyme. It had become a staple seasoning and it added much needed flavor to the soup. Some had also been rubbed into the cuts on her hand in case of infection and she’d come to appreciate the scent of the bruised leaves. Ruby’s were shoulders hunched and he wasn’t looking at her anymore. Sapphire couldn’t imagine why the simple question had upset him, but then she reminded herself that asking someone to sing when they just told you they were a professional singer should have been a simple question too. “Don’t worry about it, Ruby. If you don’t want to tell me, then I understand having parts of your life that you don’t want to talk about.”

Ruby gave her a grateful smile and she nodded back so that he would know she understood. They both had things they'd rather not discuss, so whatever embarrassing family name or unhappy memory he was trying to hide was safe. But she felt a twinge of something that Sapphire finally realized was disappointment. She handed Ruby another onion, trying to fill the silence with work until she could find the source of that puzzling feeling, and in that she found the answer. Silence. Ruby was being very quiet and she’d expected that, somehow, Ruby would be more pleased by the allowances she’d been making for him over the last few days. 

The times she’d caught him lost in thought and staring off into the distance were piling up. Times when the warm smile fell from his lips and his body slumped like a puppet whose strings had been cut. He wasn't playing chase with Garnet in the field anymore or humming and chattering all day. She'd thought Ruby was an inexhaustible wellspring of energy and optimism, but she'd been wrong so often lately that Sapphire didn't feel she could trust her judgement. Until Ruby, there hadn't been anything else that she had felt any degree of trust in and this wasn’t exactly a comfortable trade-off. 

Night was seeping in through the windows and across the threshold of the door, but the flickering firelight was keeping it at bay for the moment. She watched him shake off whatever thoughts were weighing him down and carry the pot to the hearth, where he carefully nestled in the flames to cook. The smile was back, but Sapphire was familiar with masks. She reached out and traced the edge of the deck she’d stacked at the base of a flower bottle before spreading the cards in an arc across the table. She could team him a new game, but she didn’t feel that someone acted like a lost soul contemplating eternity because they were bored. 

Two cards, stood on end and leaning to meet each other halfway made a good base. Sapphire delicately added walls and a roof, safely closing in the original cards and creating the foundation for something larger. As she built a house of cards, balancing everything and knowing the precarious nature of her game, Sapphire thought back to the things that had once made her happy. Even if she had wanted to sing for him, she couldn’t have. Years of neglecting her voice and being out of practice would show in a dozen ways, from a loss of range to poor breath control. It would be a rusty, cheapened thing that might not sound poor to Ruby, but Sapphire would know the difference and she knew she couldn’t endure hearing a voice that wasn’t what she remembered it being. If she didn’t sing, she couldn’t hear was she’d lost.

Ruby approached with his hands clasped behind his back, at first leaning in to look at the flimsy house she’d made and then moving away when even his breath sent a tremor through it. Doing something that involved music wasn’t a terrible idea, though. Ruby had an interest in music and she could think of one thing that had always made her happy as a younger woman that she wasn’t out of practice with now. Something she’d been willing to give to people she hated and so had no reason to refuse in the case of someone who had earned her regard. 

“Think the soup will taste good, Sapph?” Ruby was asking a question, but she could not hear any of the curiosity she was used to. 

“It could use andouille, chicken, a handful of spices you probably aren’t familiar with, and rice to put it on, but other then that? Perfect.” Sapphire waved a hand airily, avoiding sweeping away her work by limiting the movement. A soft sound of unhappiness, of hurt, told Sapphire her sarcastic little joke had missed the mark. Too sharp. He wasn’t laughing. She smiled, but it felt as contrived as his. “Oh, don’t you become the serious one now, Ruby. It doesn’t suit you at all. I’m teasing and I could hardly expect decent gumbo this far to the northwest. You’ve done your best and I’m sure it will turn out well.” 

That earned her a weak chuckle and a smile that didn’t look like it was painful to wear. Before anything else could go wrong, she asked, “Do you know how to dance?”

Only her rigid self-control prevented Sapphire from laughing when Ruby looked over his shoulder, eyes wide with confusion, as if he thought the question couldn’t possibly been directed at him. Having confirmed they were the only people in the dugout, Ruby performed a small dance of anxiety. Sapphire watched patiently as he shifted from foot to foot and his hand started creeping up the side of his neck. Before Ruby’s fingers could become too tangled in his hair, Sapphire stood up and caught his hand in hers. 

“I do know how to dance and I’m going to teach you. That broth will be cooking for at least an hour, so you can’t tell me you’re busy,” she told the young man, whose clammy hand she held firmly. It was a little unpleasant, but the sudden nervousness was perhaps a little endearing as well. A gentle tug proved that he would follow her, so Sapphire backed out of the house and pulled Ruby outside. She was looking for a good, flat area for dancing when Ruby took initiative and began pulling her instead. 

“I think up there would be good?” Ruby asked, pointing to the top of the gully with his free hand. She nodded and fell into step beside him, neither leading nor following. There was very little in this to remind Sapphire of her life on the Empress Lily. They held hands like children, instead of Ruby lacing their fingers together or tucking her hand into the crook of his elbow. There were no fancy clothes or bouquets of flowers. She had been treated to water and broth instead of wine and feasting. Sapphire looked up at sky more vast than any ceiling, filled with stars brighter than anything she’d seen from that long ago deck, and smiled. 

At the top of the ridge, they stepped out of the shadows and into the moonlight. The full moon had washed away the world of harsh colors and blazing light, leaving only soft-edged forms and silver touched stillness. Ruby let go of her hand and leaned against her shoulder, but it meant nothing except exactly that. He was tired and leaning in for warmth and support. She said, “That tune you were humming before felt like something I knew it once, but I can’t remember the words. I suppose that doesn’t matter right now. That was suited to a fiddler’s reel and I have a waltz in mind. It’s going to be a three count beat and I’ll lead.”

Ruby mouthed the word “waltz” and she nodded, reaching for his hand again and wincing away at the unexpected twinge of pain. Their palms parts and she turned hers face up, looking down at the raw cut. She caught sight of the scar on Ruby’s palm, mirroring hers. She shook her head when Ruby asked if they should stop. “No, it’s fine. I reached with my right hand and it should have been my left. I’m not used to dancing the lead and I forgot. In case you didn’t know, women usually follow when when they dance.”

Before her last remark could become an unwanted topic of conversation, she guided Ruby’s left hand to her shoulder and clasped their free hands. Ruby’s body moved stiffly with hers, but he was still moving and that’s what counted at the moment. She nudged his feet into position and said, “Hands and elbows up to shoulder height. Please relax, I’m hardly going to bite you over something that was my idea. Now, it’s very simple. Imagine that we’re drawing a square on the ground. Follow my feet.”

Their steps were hesitant at first. Ruby followed her feet so obediently that he stepped on them. She lost the beat in trying to teach it. They both knocked each other off balance, pushing and pulling at the wrong moments until the only thing keeping one on their feet was the other. She might have even considered the idea a total loss, except that Ruby was smiling. Inexplicably, he looked happier than he had in days and so the dance went on. 

Slowly, falteringly, bodies relaxed into the movement, swaying to a tune that they danced on the edge of finding. The tipping point came when Ruby started humming softly, giving life to and defining the music they needed. In finding the melody, they found how to move in harmony. Confidence followed on the heels of that revelation, built of the meeting of eyes and shared smiles, of steps that fell as they should and hearts that didn’t feel so heavy. 

Sapphire picked up the pace and Ruby answered by changing tune and tempo. She led him through the addition of a sweeping turn and had a moment to wonder at the measuring look Ruby was giving her before she was airborne. Her stomach lurched and a shriek was locked behind her clenched teeth, but then she was down and Ruby’s hands were on her waist and his laughter was in her ears. Another three steps on the ground and a trip through the air. Sapphire’s heart was pounding and her nerves prickling but the scream somehow became laughter of her own, high and strained and wild with excitement. Not falling, but flying! Lifted off her feet and swung through the air to land lightly, safely, on her feet. 

“Ruby! You’re doing it wrong! This is not how it goes!” Sapphire tried to scold him but the it was hard to achieve a properly stern delivery when she was breathless and giggling. Ruby demonstrated how chastened he was by stepping back and winking. She recognized the bow and the offering of his bent arm as the opening of a square dance. Linking arms seemed to follow naturally and they swung one another equally now, stumbling and skipping to keep up, switching arms and changing direction at whim, losing the old patterns and finding new ones by chance.

“No, I’m just doing it my way,” Ruby panted, reaching for her hands like they were going to play a schoolyard ring dance. They twirled around in a circle and came together again, right where they left off in the waltz, hands joined and foreheads pressed together. “Someone, somewhere, sometime, had to try something new or we would only have one dance! We’d only have one song! Or maybe we wouldn’t even have anything at all. Everything was new at some point.”

“You would think of it that way,” she said, but there was no reproach in it, only the giddy warmth that had filled her body and that had put so much red in their cheeks that even the moonlight couldn’t obscure it. 

“I would,” he agreed amiably, swaying with her, slowly at first and then whirling them back into the dance with all the enthusiasm he’d been lacking before. Missing steps and stumbling didn’t feel so terrible when Ruby was laughing with her. The shifting, carefree mix of dances that he had begun left no worries about perfection. There was no right or wrong, only the two of them and the dance. And the dance was whatever they chose to make of it. 

On her final trip aloft, Sapphire let go of Ruby’s forearms and allowed him to swing her high, high up over his head, higher than he’d lifted her before. She reached for the stars overhead and tipped her head back to smile up into the pale face of the moon that had so faithfully been watching them since this journey had begun. How she had ever seen the moon and it’s soft light as distant and cold, Sapphire couldn’t begin to understand. 

Her feet touched the ground and Ruby held her hips a moment more, steadying her. He sighed, slumping to sit on the ground with more grace than he’d demonstrated in dancing and Sapphire followed that movement as she had the rest. Ruby was still chuckling quietly and she was too out of breath to speak, but there were no words that needed to be said. She knelt, pulling in on herself and folding her hands in her lap while Ruby sprawled outward, legs stretched out and leaning back on his hands. She thought nothing of him leaning forward until the tips of his fingers brushed her cheek.

Ruby froze at the same moment she did, all the shock and uncertainty she felt was mirrored in his dark brown eyes. His hand was on her the blind side, so she couldn’t see his hand or judge what he had been about to do. When Ruby’s lips formed a silent apology and he started to pull back, Sapphire made a choice. She laid a hand on his wrist, pressing lightly until his warm palm was cupping her cheek and she was certain he understood that permission had been given. Ruby didn’t leave her wondering what she had given permission for. Her hand fell away and his reached further, combing back her hair and tucking it behind her ear

Having her blind eye exposed was not something Sapphire was completely comfortable with, but she lifted her chin and met Ruby’s gaze squarely. Whatever he had to say, whatever he thought, she wouldn’t flinch from it, but there was nothing to protect against. There was no mingling of pity and disgust for her disfigurement to leave her feeling belittled and beaten in the same heartbeat. Instead, he smiled until the corners of his eyes creased and she didn’t understand how the simple upturning of lips could make her feel so warm. 

Sapphire couldn’t imagine what he saw in her blinded and ugly eye that inspired such obvious pleasure, so she asked, “A penny for your thoughts?” 

“I was thinking that I don’t know why you hide behind your hair,” he answered, shaking his head slightly. His grin broadened and Ruby added, “you don’t have a penny any more than I do, but you can have the truth for free. ” 

The mischief faded and left only softness in his eyes. She’d so often resented the way Ruby had of looking straight through her, the way she’d felt exposed by that frank and steady gaze, but that had changed too. 

“You look different now,” he said, somehow echoing her own thoughts. Sapphire couldn’t help but scoff at that. She certainly did look different. She was bone thin, haggard, and dishevelled. Her blind eye was in full view and she had most likely never looked worse in her life. “You’re beautiful when you take the mask off and smile, Sapph, but you don’t believe that, do you? ” 

Sapphire honestly didn’t know how to answer the question. She didn’t doubt his sincerity, not when he spoke his mind to an almost detrimental extent, but she deeply questioned his judgement if that was what he believed. Sapphire was starting to feel cold, so she hugged herself for warmth and for the small comfort crossing her arms across her body offered. When the continued silenced made it clear she wasn’t going to answer the question, Ruby sighed and shook his head. 

“If you don’t believe me or you think maybe I can’t see it well enough, turn your face to the light and I’ll look closer.” The earnestness was still there, there was a stubborn set to Ruby’s shoulders that made her feel like being stubborn too. Sapphire turned her head to the moonlight and waited, quietly defying him to say there was beauty to be found in ruin. 

Ruby got up on his knees and leaned in until their noses almost touched. She held her ground, despite the instinctive twinge of fear in her gut, because it was Ruby. If the thought of closing that final distance and kissing her even crossed his mind, which she doubted, he made no effort to act on it. They’d danced late into the night and even now, with the biting chill of the night wind at her back, there was still a lingering warmth from their shared laughter and from the innocent enjoyment she’d never expected to feel again. It should have been a moment when he kissed her and Sapphire was glad it wasn’t.

He studied her face carefully, tilting his head to view her eyes from different angles rather than touch her and press her into awkward positions. She was too worn out to hold a tense posture for long and, as she relaxed, Ruby do too. She took the time to make her own leisurely examination, starting with the sparse freckles that were barely visible against his tanned cheeks and the bridge of his nose. He blinked and she took note of thick eyelashes that would have been the envy of any woman. The button nose and big brown eyes that had made him seem so young and soft when they’d first met where still there, but time had not been kind. Deep bags rigged his eyes, a deep bruising that suggested life had beaten him down, and his once round cheeks were hollowed. 

A disturbing thought was on the edge of her consciousness when Ruby sat back on his heels and said, as solemnly as a prophet revealing a divine revelation, “What I see is a person with flaws and strengths, just like anyone else. I don’t want to minimize the injury or the pain you obviously feel, but you’re still beautiful. You, flaws and all, are more beautiful when you’re laughing and happy than any perfect mask. No one can care about a mask, but you can love a person for who they are.” 

“But I suppose you don’t care much what I think, right Sapph? It’s okay, I said what I think and you listened. That’s good enough for me,” he said. Ruby smiled, but his wasn’t looking at her now and it seemed whatever fragile happiness they’d found had shattered. The shards of it dug under her skin and Ruby must have felt them too, because that half-hearted smile held more pain than she wanted to see. He flopped back into the grass, which rustled as it caught and cushioned his weight. Ruby closed his eyes and whispered, “I hope you’ll believe me.” 

She believed that Ruby believed in what he said, just as he believed in God, justice, and that there was more good in the world than evil, but Sapphire knew that wasn’t the same as accepting it as the truth. She wished she could find such faith again and the comfort it seemed to give other people, but her mind was preoccupied with the thought he’d interrupted. Sapphire scooted closer until she was leaning over Ruby’s prone form and looking over the details she’d been missing. 

His was breathing was labored and Ruby was dripping in sweat, too much for the light dancing they’d done. It soaked his clothing and the damp, sweat darkened curls stuck to his forehead. The strong young deputy who had once dragged her up the side of a ravine, whose hands had held frightening strength and yet had handled her like glass, was too weak to dance. She’d thought that she was giving him something, while Ruby had been giving everything he had. 

The cold wind whistling across the prairie was a warning that summer would soon be gone and she thought of winter in a home with no door and no warm clothing. Sapphire thought of ground frozen as hard as rock and a limited supply of food that, even now, was only enough to delay their inevitable starvation. There were times when their stomachs had been filled, but that wasn’t the same as getting the nutrition they needed. They were weakening. Ruby was weakening. She was going to watch him fade away day after day until he couldn’t dance anymore, until he didn’t smile at her or laugh anymore. 

One day, maybe even one day soon, Ruby would lay down just as he was now and would never rise again. Sapphire would wake up and find herself lying next to body from whom all warmth and life had been lost. He had asked to leave, to live, and stayed only for her sake. When he died, she would be a murder, but this death wouldn’t be an act of revenge by her. It would be as a sacrificial offering. 

“It’s a little like a star, you know.” Sapphire startled and opened her eyes. She hadn’t realized she’d closed them, but Ruby was looking up at her. Exhaustion was etched into every line of his face, but there was something both kind and playful in Ruby’s eyes. “The points of the cataract shine outward to the edges like a star.”

Sapphire reached out and laid a hand across Ruby’s eyes, hiding from the gaze that still unsettled her, though it was for different reasons now. He covered her hand with his own and mock-struggled with her, curling up and voicing mild protests at the unfairness of making him completely blind. She thought back to their earlier conversation and how she’d told Ruby that once something has been changed, it wasn’t possible for it to return to how it had been originally. 

“Yes, I do want you to be completely blind,” she said dryly, teasing because Ruby was grinning again and meaning it more than she wanted him to know. It would be better if he never saw as much as she had. As arrogantly as she could, Sapphire said, “In the land of the blind, the one eyed woman is queen.” 

He broke into such hearty laughter that Sapphire couldn’t resist joining in, but the knot of tension in her gut wouldn’t let her relax into the daydream again. When he had quieted down again, she took a deep breath and said the only thing she could live with and what she might very well die for. “Ruby… I need a few more days to finish recovering, but then we need to leave. Let’s take the trail you were following and hope it ends well. We don’t know that it will, but there’s a chance. We both know nothing will end well if we stay.” 

Ruby said nothing, but after a moment his hand wrapped firmly around hers and held it. It wasn’t easy to see his expression with their hands covering Ruby’s face, but tears were seeping from between their fingers and rolling down his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKothnJ2-kk - Sadly this song is too new to be historically accurate, but I had it in mind when writing this.


	21. The Return of Lady Masque

It took another week before the daylight didn’t give her headaches and Sapphire threw everything she had into those final days. While the sun shone brightly outside, she rested and talked with Ruby about the foods they’d rather be eating while preparing the food they had. One day she discovered he had a weakness for peppermint drops and and anything sweet. She had pressed a handful of blackberries into his palm when he began to wax poetic about pies and griddle cakes. Her attempt to educated him on the superiority of beignets and cafe au lait was somewhat undermined by a tongue-in-cheek declaration that Ruby kept a strict policy of never eating anything he could neither spell nor pronounce. The next handful of berries was tossed in his face, but Ruby picked them up with a laugh and spelled the word out for her before eating them. 

Nights were spent in dancing, the formal patterns she knew slowly but seamlessly blending with Ruby’s improvisations until they’d found something exciting and unique. Sapphire had never focused less on doing something well or more on enjoying an experience. When they grew too tired, they played card games until they fell asleep. The days and nights held peace, but there was a quiet desperation underneath it all. Time in the garden had almost run out and they knew they were holding onto it in vain.

Then came the day when she tied the layers of her skirts back into place, stepped outside, and looked back for the last time. The morning glories were just beginning to unfurl in the light of dawn and, through the open window, she could see the wildflowers in their improvised vases. The pot would be left behind on the cold hearth. Only two of the tin dishes and cups would come with them in Garnet’s saddle bags, along with the fire starter and whatever potatoes Ruby could squeeze in. She'd arranged everything else as carefully as if they expected to return that evening, laying out places for two and refilling the water in the vases. At the base of one was the deck of cards, left behind until both they and the memory crumbled to dust. Where she was going, the cards would not be needed. Nothing would be. 

Sapphire had offered to groom Garnet and saddle her while Ruby packed the saddle bags inside. She’d already walked past that threshold and she would not look back a second time. It was calming too, weaving dried grass stalks into a loosely braided loop and burning out her nervous energy by rubbing the mare down. Garnet was solid beneath her hands and Sapphire leaned into that strength until she broke, throwing both arms around the mare’s neck and holding tight. For a moment, she allowed herself to press her face into the warm chestnut coat breathe in the scent of clean horse and grass. Garnet’s muzzle bumped against her ribs and felt a surge of affection for the mare who was nibbling at her blouse. Sapphire stoked her soft nose and spared a few moments to wonder why, when she’d had time, she had never taken the time to treat her last horse as anything but an object. 

But that was looking back and seeing what she’d left behind, what could have been and maybe should have been, and it was too late for regrets. Sapphire pushed away and picked up the bridle. The great head bowed obediently to let her fasten the straps, but the mare was stamping her hooves and picking up on the tension that was building. Sapphire was just finishing tightening the cinches that kept the saddle in place when Ruby stepped around her and slung the bulging saddlebags over Garnet’s rump. 

“Quit that, you bad girl!” he exclaimed and she recoiled in confusion, but Ruby thumped his fist on the mare’s barrel a few times and repeated his demand. Sapphire was just about to ask what he was doing when Garnet let out a tremendous sigh and the cinches fell slack. There was an unmistakable look of mischief in the mare’s big brown eyes as she turned to look at her riders. Ruby’s grin was no less playful and he belatedly offered an explanation. “She was holding her breath! We’d probably fall off, saddle and all, if she fooled us on this one. I should have warned you that she plays that game all the time.” 

Ruby mounted up first and Sapphire pulled herself up after him, holding tightly as he pulled Garnet around and nudged her forward. She didn’t watch the dugout fall out of sight or turn to look at the town when they hit the trail. Garnet broke into a full gallop on the open and mostly level ground, feeling the agitation of her riders and responding with speed. The mare couldn’t know what she ran from or was running to, but Ruby decided to give her free rein rather than try to fight the momentum. Sapphire leaned into it, letting the wind whip through her hair and distancing herself from what had been and could not be. 

Eventually, even a horse with Garnet’s level of endurance had to slow down to a walk and Ruby tried to strike up a conversation. She must had confused him by offering only cold, monosyllabic answers, but Ruby got the idea after a while and fell silent. They stopped when the sun was high and rested, but Sapphire rolled over when Ruby approached her. He called her name, but she ignored him. Faster than she would ever have thought possible, they fell into their old routine and the distance between them grew as well. They stopped for the evening at a small spring and Ruby lay on the other side of the campfire, but she felt his eyes on her long into the night. 

The second and third days passed in much the same way, with little sign of civilization except for a widening road. It should have been a positive sign, but Ruby was oddly morose for someone getting what he wanted. A small, reproachful voice inside her suggested that this wasn’t at all what Ruby wanted and she knew it. Sapphire disregarded it and Ruby entirely. The fourth day brought a slight change when Ruby suggested that the afternoon break extend for the rest of the day. He reasoned that, since they’d found another spring near the road, they should take advantage of having found a good place and rest. Garnet needed to be given a chance to eat more. She had no real objections, one way or another, so they waited until nightfall and tried to travel by the faint light cast by the waning moon. 

That decision proved to be a mistake from the very beginning. The tiny sliver of moon was quickly covered by clouds that had seemed harmless when they’d clustered around the horizon at sunset. The setting sun had reflected against them in all it’s glory, dying the clouds in deep reds and gilding them in gold. The sky in this lonely little world held richer colors than any of the expensive drawing rooms and studies Sapphire had passed through in her life, but it was lost on her when the only thing in her mind was the coming darkness. Ruby was forced to dismount and lead Garnet on foot for fear that she’d stumble and fall. 

Not even a whisper of wind stirred the grass. They stumbled along in the breathless heat, wiping sweat from their faces. Sapphire had a suspicion that they’d even lost the trail, but the flicking of heat lightning in her peripheral vision was distracting her. The eerie blue light illuminated the world in sporadic flashes, seeming even more ominous because of the still silence. It was as though a storm was gathering, pressing in all around them until the strain of waiting for it to break was unbearable. Garnet stopped in her tracks and refused to go another step, balking when Ruby urged her forward.

She threw up her head and wrenched the reins from his hands, the next flash revealing Ruby grabbing desperately for the chin strap and missing. Sapphire held onto the saddle horn as the mare danced in place and, temper fraying, she kicked Garnet in the ribs brutally hard. The mare squealed and bucked, nearly throwing Sapphire to the ground and then Ruby was there. He caught her by the ankle and almost dragged her out of the saddle himself. 

“What the hell are you doing?!” Robin yelled, shaking her booted foot and pulling harder. Garnet twisted beneath her and Sapphire turned her knees in to steady herself. Another flash brought Ruby’s wide-eyed face into livid focus. He bared his teeth and the grimace was all the more grotesque for the contrast of shifting shadows and stark light. “What has gotten into you, Sapph?! You’ve been acting horrible the last few days!” 

The light was extinguished and Ruby’s voice lost strength. In the darkness, where sight had no meaning, she felt the vulnerability of his tone touch her as as hesitantly he used to take her hand. “I thought we were… I thought…”

“What? You thought what, Ruby?” She hissed back. Some internal dam had burst and the bitter waters rushed forth. “Please, do tell me what foolishness you thought!” 

Ruby never got a chance to answer, because unmistakable report of pistol fire pierced the night. It was almost impossible to judge where the shots were coming from; the sound echoed across the open plains. There was no visibility, but all the shooters had to do was keep firing until a stray bullet found a mark. Sapphire threw herself flat in the saddle, immediately realizing that she and Garnet offered a target too big to miss. The lightning betrayed them and a bullet bit into the ground at the mare’s feet. Ruby must have realized the easy target they presented too, because he cried out and smacked Garnet on the flack.

She didn’t have time to argue or stop him. The mare screamed in terror, high and piercing, and bolted. Sapphire could only cling to the saddle horn and press her face into Garnet’s mane. Pain lanced through her shoulder as a bullet clipped her, gouging a track in the skin. It was minor, but only because of luck and distance. What little she could see of the landscape whipped by in a blur and she found herself thinking in growing panic that this was how everything had begun: a desperate chase and a terrible fall looming in her future, begging Ruby to not shout and draw unwanted attention. It was too late now, because the world’s dangers had found them at last.

Garnet staggered, barely keeping her footing on the unseen and uneven ground. A fall like this would break her neck and Ruby would not be there to catch her this time. Ruby. That was all she could think of, memories flashing into focus and flicking out like the silent lightning overhead. Ruby saving her from falling over the ravine. Ruby appearing like the answer to her most desperate prayers when she thought she'd die alone and buried alive in the cellar. Ruby sincerely listening to her and trying to respect what she felt even if he didn’t agree or even understand. Ruby dancing with her and laughing and singing at the top of his lungs. Ruby being so incredibly full of curiosity and mischief, throwing himself into life with such passion that it struck an answering spark in a heart she thought had gone cold forever. Ruby holding her hand and smiling gently up at her. Ruby holding her protectively and humming to her as she sank into unconsciousness, safe in knowing Ruby had her. 

So much and yet not enough. The saddle horn dug painfully into her gut as Sapphire pressed into it and felt up the sides of Garnet’s next. The mare was breathing in deep, snorting bursts and a burst of lightning showed the whites of her rolling eyes.Tugging on the reins had no effect on their headlong rush. It wasn't going to end like this. She wouldn’t allow it. Her fingers closed more firmly on the leather strap and inched up the length of them with a patience she didn’t feel, but she couldn’t afford to lose her grip. Sweat ran into her eyes and burned. Sapphire blinked it away, leaning perilously far out of the saddle, and reached until her body shook from the strain. The tips of her fingers brushed cold metal and Sapphire seized Garnet by the bit. 

“Whoa! Whoa, girl, stop! Stop!” Sapphire pulled back, gradually but relentlessly, and spoke directly into Garnet’s turned back ear. She crooned and yelled and coaxed in turns, never letting up on the bit until the gallop became a high stepping walk and then finally a halt. Sapphire spared a few more moments for Garnet, stroking the mare’s neck until she settled. It gave her time to think. She couldn’t hear gunshots anymore. Sapphire sat up tall in the saddle and took advantage of the height to look around. Nothing. Panic ran icy fingers down her spine and, instead of flinching from the chill, Sapphire embraced the cold.

Lady Masque turned Garnet’s head around to face the way they’d come and nudged her into a trot. Rushing into an ambush wouldn’t serve any purpose if Ruby was still alive and, if he was dead, then she would need her life just a little longer. She focused all her senses on the horizon, watching and listening for a sign. The dark form of a small hill was to their left and she rode Garnet to the top, standing up in the stirrups to get the highest view of the prairie possible. There. In the distance, there was a smudge of red in the darkness.

The lightning seemed to be passing, but the only guiding light she needed was that far away campfire. When she had judged Garnet had approached as close as she could risk, she dismounted and pulled the reins over Garnet’s head. It took a second to undo the knot joining the ends of the reins together and dropped the dangling leather straps for the ground. She avoided thinking of who taught the mare to obey a ground-tie and, taking the mare’s muzzle between her hands, said, “Stay.”

As she moved even closer, crouching low to the ground, Lady Masque began hearing the sounds of the human beings that surrounded that fire. It would have been more pleasant if she couldn't. A hoarse shout of rage let her know Ruby was alive, but it quickly became an agonized scream. Lady Masque studied the bodies clustered around the fire. Three bandits, two playing a cruel game of catch in which a small body was thrown, stumbling, between them and one sitting and watching the sport from the ground. The smaller body fell and was dragged up by the hair. Another scream split the night and a round of ugly laughter followed. 

The three horses and a mule were hobbled just outside the circle of light gave her an idea. She was crawling now, belly to the grass and slinking closer with knife in hand. The figures came into greater focus and she made note of a few emptied whisky bottles on the ground. The bandit on the ground had a half-full bottle in his hand, which he knocked back without taking his eyes off the night’s entertainment. In fact, all of them were so intent on Ruby that she might have been able to walk up to their horses without notice. It was remarkable in a morbid way, inebriation and sadistic boredom becoming the salvation of them both, but she wasn’t going to complain when she could use it to her advantage. 

A forest of knobby, lanky legs surrounded her and she rose to her knees cautiously. They were a gaunt and dishevelled bunch of animals, too exhausted and apathetic to care that a stranger had magically appeared among them. She set her knife at the base of the nearest rope and began sawing through it. This was interesting enough that the horse attached to it bumped its muzzle against her shoulder. To keep it quiet, she stroked the long nose with her free hand. The horse flinched back at first and then leaned into that touch, closing it’s eyes. She hadn’t known a horse could moan, but the sound was too faint to be a dangerous and that was the important thing. The last fraying fiber snapped and Sapphire began edging away, holding out her hand as she did it. The horse followed.

She glanced at the bandits to see if they'd noticed yet. They'd tied Ruby’s hands behind him and game had changed. Ruby was given just enough room to think he could escape the circle of firelight and then a bandit would kicked his legs out from under him. He was dragged back to the starting point and released again, but he didn't try to run a second time. The way Ruby lifted his chin defiantly and glared would have been more intimidating without the black eye. Sapphire never paused in her slow, backwards steps nor did she take her eyes off the scene. Darkness wrapped her in its safety. 

They were still laughing. Not for long, oh no. Not long now. Then she realized something that made her heart clench in a way that almost cracked the ice that had formed around it. Ruby’s shirt had been torn down the front and the ruddy firelight flickered and curved like an obscene caress along the two small breasts left exposed by the gaping fabric. A deep breath and those distracting feelings were exhaled with the stale air. Irrelevant detail. Later. 

One of the standing bandits finally noticed they were one animal short and yelled at the sitting one for his carelessness. Among other things. Cursing and clutching the bottle, that particular bandit left the fire and stepped into the dark. The nag hadn’t aspired to do much with it’s freedom, dropping it’s head to pull at the grass only a few yards from it’s little herd, so it wasn’t hard to find. He wove a drunken, wavering line through the grass in his pursuit, blundering right past where she crouched in the grass. 

Hidden in the deep shadows, poised on the balls of her feet and ready to spring, Lady Masque waited for the the right moment. Speed and surprise would be all she had in this. It helped to think of a chessboard. Nothing but strategy. Nothing but knowing the strengths and limits of the pieces. The queen didn’t move until all the pieces were in place and then she swept the board in the final gambit. The moment came when the fool bent over get the end of the rope, lost his balance, and fell to his hands and knees. She was on him in a heartbeat, her left hand clamping over his mouth and the right carving a line across his throat from one ear to the other. 

Hot blood gushed over cold steel, drenching her hand. He died without a struggle or a sound. She lowered the body to the ground and began circling around to her next target. Their eyes would be to dazzled by the firelight to see much past its glow and Ruby was making an admirable distraction by struggling. The bandit holding Ruby turned to yell into the night that if someone didn’t hurry up, they wouldn’t leave any left over for him. He shifted his grip and that’s when Ruby’s head arched back and slammed into his chin. She watched Ruby rush the other bandit, bodily throwing him to the ground. Triumph was short lived. The first bandit caught Ruby in a headlock and Ruby’s was forced up on tiptoe to avoid strangling. The other bandit scrambled to his feet and pulled out a revolver. 

Her pace remained steady and her profile low, even when the barrel was pressed to Ruby’s forehead. Empty threat. He couldn’t pull the trigger without shooting his companion too. What he could do, he did. The pistol whipped through the air and hit Ruby’s jaw with such a loud crack that she judged that it was either a lost tooth or fractured jaw. Ruby collapsed in the bandit’s arms, utterly limp and still. The bandit holding the pistol tucked it into his belt and dragged Ruby’s pants down to the ankles.

She was so close. Just a little further. She changed the angle of her circle until all she could see was the back of the bandit holding Ruby. She could smell rank sweat and alcohol. When she was barely four feet away, she rose silently to her feet. She couldn’t take both at once, but if she could just even the odds without being seen then she stood would a fighting chance. 

Lightning flickered and betrayed her position at that last second. The bandit facing her direction looked up and froze. She lunged to close the distance before the other could turn to face her, driving the long knife into his lower back. Right of the spine. Under the ribs. Up and into the kidney. Feel the give and then the pop. She went through the steps methodically, anticipating the scream and the way the body in front of her would go down. But she had misjudged. Her strength was not what it had been and the sudden dead weight wretched the knife from her blood slicked grip. 

Lady Masque knew her fate was sealed. The remaining bandit pulled the revolver from his belt and they stood at a range where missing would be as impossible as dodging out of the way. She heard the click of the hammer and had time to see Ruby moving on the ground below the fight. Then her world of steady, cold calculation began moving with such rapid chaos that there was only room for action and reaction. 

Ruby kicked out and caught the bandit squarely in the legs. Already unsteady from heavy drinking and surprise, the shot went wide as the man threw his arms out for balance and dropped the gun. She immediately stepped over Ruby’s prone form and dove for the weapon. She need not have rushed, because when the man fell backwards it was to land in the fire. He rolled away from it quickly, but the flames were as predatory as she was. They had him and would not so easily be stopped. 

It ate at the smoldering flesh and leather, blackening everything it touched and sending up a stench that was as noxious as the sweat and alcohol had been. That screaming would disturb Ruby, she felt. It was disturbing her, if only because of the pitch and discordancy and the fact that it meant the nightmare wasn’t over. The woman rose up on one knee, checked the chambers for bullets, and took aim. The first shot missed. The second ended the screaming. 

She took her time stomping out the tiny blossoms of fire spreading out from the campfire. If it spread to the dry grass, they could be caught in an inferno there would be no escaping from. It was a good excuse, perfectly valid and defensible. No one could say it didn’t need doing immediately. It was still a excuse. She knew how to do this. She could kill, whether it was a living thing or a fire. Life was far more complex and she was unprepared to face the reflection of what had been in what was now. 

A faint whimper came from behind her and the cold that had been protecting her shattered, the jagged pieces of it lodging in her heart and digging in deeper with each breath. Sapphire turned to look down at the half naked form in the dirt, blinking away thoughts of a young woman who had lain in the same way on a polished wood floor. She reached out to touch Ruby’s shoulder and stared at the blood dripping from her right hand. The fingers slowly clenched shut and she went to the dead bandit’s body instead.

Her knife was still buried to the handle in his back and she planted a boot on his spine for leverage as she jerked it out. Sapphire’s gaze skittered around the still living body and fell on two canteens on the far side of the fire. Focus. Find a goal and accomplish it. She crossed the distance and poured the contents of one over her hands and the knife, scrubbing the blood off and then discarding the empty container. She tucked the other under her arm and went to kneel beside Ruby, looking anywhere except at bare skin. 

The rope binding Ruby’s hands was so tightly knotted that the only option was to saw through the twisted fibers. Her hands were shaking so badly that the blade slipped and nicked the tan skin. Blood welled up and trickled down Ruby’s wrist, drawing another soft whimper and washing away the last of the chill from her veins. Tears filled Sapphire’s eyes and spilled over, but she spoke low and soothingly as she continued to cut the rope.

“Hush, shhhh, it’s okay. Be still. Be still, you’re safe. It’s over. It’s all over,” she crooned. She spoke for the sake of filling the silence with what little comfort she could offer. The words were directed at Ruby, but she was also speaking to the frightened young women who had never had anyone to tell her that. “It’s over now. You’re safe, we’re safe. It’s going to be okay.” 

When Ruby’s hands were free, she dropped the knife and pulled the trembling body into a standing position. Touching as little skin as possible, Sapphire pulled Ruby’s pants up and back into place. She discarded the belt as too difficult. Ruby’s chest rose and fell in a sharp, staccato rhythm and the arms that had been hanging slack at Ruby’s sides were haltingly raised until they were crossed tightly over the gaping shirt. She glanced away and something small by her boot caught her eye. It looked like bloody white pebble among the stained and scuffed up soil, but then the reality hit her. It was a molar. Sapphire took an elbow and guided Ruby into the shadows, away from death and the revealing glare of the fire light. She was starting to become frightened at how unresponsive Ruby was. “Ruby?”

Nothing. Placing both hands on Ruby’s shoulders and pushing down made him...her?… sit down again, but Ruby’s eyes never quite seemed to focus on anything. She untied her skirts and wrapped the layers around Ruby like a shawl. Sapphire poured a little water on her handkerchief, but hesitated just as she was about to press it to Ruby’s cheek. She didn’t know if Ruby wanted to be touched at this point. 

“Ruby? Ruby, all I’m going to do is clean your face.” Ruby didn’t even blink. Because she couldn’t think of anything else, Sapphire gave to Ruby would have long ago made a difference to her. She gently dabbed the dirt and congealing blood from Ruby’s face, mindful of the deep bruise that was swelling one eye shut, and whispered reassurances that had nothing to do with the exact words and everything to do with tenderness. Blood still dripped from between Ruby’s lips, no matter how many times she wiped it off. Sapphire tried stroking back the thick curls, but that terrifying vacancy in Ruby’s eyes didn't change.

“Ruby? Ruby, please,” she begged. Exhaustion and building despair weighed her down and her hand dropped lower to cup Ruby’s uninjured cheek, stroking it with her thumb. Eyelashes fluttered against the side of her finger and tears began rolling down Ruby’s face. Ruby was looking at her.

Before that observation could fully sink in, Ruby was in her arms and clutching at her. To have another body pressed so closely to her own sent a jolt of alarm up her spine and yet she found herself gripping at Ruby just as tightly, wrapping her body around the hysterically crying human being who was … was what? Friend was an inadequate word to encompass everything this person had become. Her Ruby. 

Possessiveness that Sapphire had never known she was capable of surged through her body and she tucked Ruby further under her chin. Nothing would take Ruby from her. Behind that fire, which burned out any lingering ice from her heart, came something even more profound. Peace. The scared, broken young woman had grown stronger and she’d taken back the control that had been ripped away from her. She had been able to change how the story ended. There would be scars from this, but if Ruby could still feel, could still cry and be willing to reach out, then she was certain that Ruby could also heal from it. Ruby would not become like her and Sapphire would see to it that nothing would ever put out this light that she had found.

Sapphire gradually became aware that there were words hidden in the sobbing, a litany with a single verse. “You came back.” She buried her face in Ruby’s hair, swallowing a sob of her own, but the curls were soon as damp as the shoulder of her blouse. She’d come to be disgusted by the weakness of tears, the running noses and drooling that accompanied particularly uninhibited wailing. Now Sapphire indulged in the relief she’d been denying herself, crying for old wounds that had been left to fester and new ones that were still bleeding. 

She cried until her throat was raw and she had no strength left. Ruby had fallen asleep at some point and she eased Ruby’s warm, soft body to the ground and arranged her skirts more securely. Sapphire had a few things left to do before she could rest and it would be better if Ruby slept through them. With a sneer of distaste, she tried dragging one of the dead bandits out of the camp. When that proved too difficult, she retrieved her knife, cleaned it, and put it back where it belonged. After a moment of consideration, she picked up the discarded pistol and tucked it into the band of her pants. 

Garnet, patient and loyal as always, had never moved from where Sapphire had left her and the bandit’s freed horse was standing beside her. It shied away when Sapphire approached, but took it’s cue from Garnet, following obediently after the larger mare when Sapphire led her back to the camp. After picketing the loose horse, she tied a rope around one of the dead bandit’s necks and looped the other end of the rope around Garnet’s saddle horn. It took some coaxing and Garnet was clearly unhappy with it, but soon both bodies had been towed out to join their compatriot. The scavengers would give them the only burial they deserved. 

Tidying up the campsite itself didn’t take long either, but she felt a need to cover over the evidence before Ruby had to look at it in the pitiless light of day. The bottles were collected and piled in the long grass and she kicked dirt over any obvious blood splatters. Building up the dying fire seemed pointless. Near the horses were some packs and bedrolls, which might have been more comfortable to lay on, but she didn’t trust those vermin to not have carried parasites. She’d check in the morning, but for now she pulled off Garnet’s tack and called her over to Ruby. 

“Lay down, girl,” Sapphire said, feeling like a fool as she asked a horse to do dog tricks. She pointed to Ruby and repeated more firmly, “Lay down.” 

After nosing at Ruby’s still, sleeping form for a few moments, Garnet folded her legs and curled up in the grass beside her owner. Ruby woke only briefly when Sapphire rearranged them both comfortably, wedging Ruby between herself and the mare’s flank. She was given a small, but genuine smile before the deputy who had once tried to be a sheriff sunk down into the protection of trusted loved ones.


	22. Plan B

The morning after was, to put it mildly, awkward. Sapphire woke up first, completely stiff and more than a little confused on why she was wrapped in someone’s arms. It was fortunate that her instinctive reaction to disorientation was to freeze and assess the situation or she might have had to beg Ruby’s forgiveness for what would have been a very rude awakening. Even once memory supplied the answers, Sapphire found she had nothing but questions and no real idea how to proceed. She held Ruby closer, trying to relax into the warmth she’d enjoyed in sleep, but the arm under Ruby’s head was going numb and she had certain other needs that couldn’t be relieved with someone in her lap. Her shifting must have woken Ruby, because after several failed attempts to get comfortable, she heard a sniff.

“Good morning?” Ruby’s voice was hoarse from screaming, a painful reminder to them both that the nightmare hadn’t just faded away with the morning light. Fresh tears began gathering in Ruby’s eyes and the right one was puffed almost shut. As his… her?... mouth scrunched up, the dried blood at the corners cracked and flaked away. “It's… if you need to get up, I understand.” 

She opened her mouth to deny it and Ruby immediately stopped her, working a hand out of the cloth bundle and reaching up to lay it against her face. The touch might have been light, but there was a steely edge to Ruby’s voice that she wasn’t familiar with. “Sapph, I only want one thing right now and I need your help to do it. I don't want to be here anymore.” 

Panic wrenched at her heart for an unbearable moment before she realized that Ruby meant the campsite and not something more grievous. What little color there was in her face much have blanched pale, because the hand on her cheek patted her skin gently. Insistently. Sapphire clenched her eyes shut and tried to focus on breathing steadily. It was as though the levees in her mind, having been broken down once, now refused to hold back the overflow of her emotions. She was not the one who had suffered last night and that this person could still take the time to think of her feelings was so endearingly and excruciatingly … Ruby.

Once she had taken care of the morning necessities, Sapphire began to take stock of the camp. Garnet had joined the other horses, grazing beside them.. The bandit’s horses seemed to have accepted the mare without conflict, which boded well for taking them along. Searching the one of the packs revealed dried meat and hard biscuits which, combined with the small pot set by the other packs, could be boiled down to something edible. There was also a decent cache of money, which she considered rightfully Ruby’s. No amount of money could compensate, but it was a start and there was no sense in leaving something useful behind. 

Sapphire took charge of saddling the horses and arranging the packs on the mule and discarded some of the bandit’s personal items, such as blankets and bedrolls. It wasn’t so cold that they needed them and there were certain kinds of baggage that Ruby would be better off not dragging along as a reminder. By the time she was through, there was very little to suggest these weren’t their horses and their belongings. She collected some rope, but Sapphire had reached her limit when it came to moving multiple animals. At most, she’d only lead a pack mule and that had been rare. 

Fortunately, as she stood there staring at the tangled mess of rope wrapped around her arms and coiling around her feet, Ruby chose to come forward. The rope was taken from her hands firmly and she was nudged out of the way. Normally, Sapphire would object to being pushed aside, even if she was clueless, but she only nodded and looked for something else to do. Ruby had discarded the ruined shirt and was down to a buttoned up vest. As hard as she tried to give Ruby privacy, Sapphire found herself staring at the small swell of breasts under the cloth until shame drove her away. 

Ruby’s jacket was hung over Garnet’s saddle horn, which reminded Sapphire that she wanted to pack a few specific things in those saddle bags. She had gathered together three revolvers and set two aside for them to carry. Ruby took the one she held out without without remark or pausing in examining the horses and wedged it safely into the belt holster that had been empty since they’d met. The spare revolver and the extra ammunition were things she wanted to keep close at hand. When she took the few remaining potatoes out of one of Garnet’s saddle bags to make room, Sapphire’s hand wrapped around something unexpected but unmistakable at the bottom of the bag. Bent and slightly worse for the wear, the deck of playing cards that she’d left behind lay in the palm of her hand. 

“I took the cards with us because I had hoped that maybe...” the sound of Ruby’s voice startled her. The warmth she’d come to expect from her counterpart was absent and nothing felt right in her world. It was Sapphire who was meant to be cold and distant. She didn’t need or want anyone in her life. The person she’d assumed was a man and had treated spitefully based on that assumption wasn’t anything that she had expected. Not in mind, heart, or body. “Maybe I was a fool, Sapph, but I took them out of hope.” 

Hope. Hope was the open door that let in disappointment and despair. She’d done without it for years and considered herself better off, but it had crept back into her life anyway. It had come with Ruby, so quietly and gradually that she didn’t notice until it had taken root. It was painful, and instinct said to push the pain away. She held the proof that Ruby had hoped for a future that involved her, clutching it close and pressing it to her chest until she could feel the edge of the cards through her blouse. Before she turned back to Ruby, Sapphire tucked the deck carefully back into Garnet’s saddle bag. 

“Could I help?” The attempted solicitude felt unnatural. It was like a play in which she reading someone else’s part, hesitating where there should be no pauses and delivering the lines with unconvincing sincerity. Except that she desperately meant it. Ruby continued to lead each horse around the camp, only paying attention to their behaviors and how readily they responded to directions. Sapphire started to ask again, but Ruby cut her off at the first syllable by saying, “The chestnut with the white blaze is Fidget, the buckskin is Slowpoke, and the dark bay is Sneak. I’ll tie them in a string, starting with the calmest and ending with the one most likely to cause trouble. You could name the mule if you want to.”

The white and brown spotted mule peeked around Garnet as if she understood the direction of the conversation and, based on what Sapphire knew of mules and their intelligence, she probably did. The long ears swiveled to catch each word and the mule blinked long white eyelashes at Sapphire. The creature was the picture of sweetness. Earthy brown circles clustered across the mule’s white hide like bubbles in a champagne glass or, if she were looking for something sweet, like the bubbles in root beer.

“Sassafras.” Sapphire stroked the mule’s outstretched muzzle and felt it’s lips caress her hand in return. It was done so delicately that she missed the mule’s intent until she felt a nip at her fingers. She swatted the mule on the nose and it had the nerve to look offended. Perhaps less sugar and more spice, but fortunately Sassafras could serve well for both. It made excellent filé powder, after all. Sapphire glared until the mule looked away, but that might have been less about deference and more about the juicy looking grass at it’s feet. “We’ll call her Sass for short.” 

“I like that name,” Ruby said, finally making eye contact and offering her a smile that wobbled a little as the corners of his...her?… mouth turned upward. The lead rope for Sass was pressed into her hand and Sapphire felt the tension draining away to endurable levels as Ruby continued to speak to her. “If you’ll hold that, then I can finish up here. Sass, despite her personality and a certain similarity to a person I know, is the most reliable and needs to be first in the string. I can trust her. Next is going to be Slowpoke. He’s lazy, but has no other bad behaviors that I can tell from leading him by hand. Sneak will go next, because Slowpoke won’t go haring off for any reason, and then Fidget can go last. Then we’ll have all the stronger horses controlling the weaker or more flighty ones. I need you to keep your knife where you can reach if, because if they do ever try to run then you need to cut the lead. I don’t want them hurting Garnet and I’ll just get down to lead them on foot instead. ”

In far less time that Sapphire expected, Ruby had each horse tied in a string. The length of rope running between each horse was kept safely off the ground by being looped into a half-hitch midway down the tail of the horse in front of them. Ruby then took the lead for Sass and motioned for Sapphire to get into Garnet’s saddle first, before getting up behind her. Having someone sitting too close and, worse, where she couldn’t see them was almost the limit for Sapphire, but then she felt Ruby’s forehead lean against her shoulder. The body followed, Ruby’s weight collapsing against her as arms cinched tightly around her waist. Reflexive fear took over and Sapphire flinched away. 

Even as she was reaching to wrap an arm over Ruby’s, the apology died on her lips when she was roughly pushed forward in the saddle. The ice in Ruby’s voice was too much like her own and, despite the worry, she suddenly wondered how Ruby had ever survived that coldness without giving up on her. “If you have questions or complaints, you'd best say them now.”

Ruby was misinterpreting her reaction, but if they wanted to be cold then she was starting to feel a little heated herself. She'd been making massive exceptions this morning and trying to be kind, but Ruby wasn't as grateful as she would have expected. Sapphire urged Garnet into an easy walk and tied the rope lead to the saddle horn. The conversation got delayed by their search for the road, but all too soon they'd found it and Sapphire had nothing to do but mull over the injustice of Ruby’s apparent anger.

On her part, Sapphire was beginning to feel like she’d been played for a fool and all she could focus on were the little details that had meant nothing until this moment: the oddly high voice, the soft features and small size, the minimal facial hair. For God’s sake, hadn't Ruby even offered to bathe together and said that there was nothing about his … her… body that Sapphire was unfamiliar with? She'd assumed Ruby was very young. She'd dismissed every contradiction and hint as nothing more than impropriety and ignorance and innocence. Sapphire couldn’t keep the accusation out of her tone when she pointed out the obvious. “You aren’t a man.” 

“I never said I was and if you feel like a fool, then you brought it on yourself without any help from me,” Ruby answered sharply. “I’d wager good money that you decided you had my measure within the first few minutes of meeting me and you never once thought to question it since.”

Sapphire couldn’t deny the truth, so she ignored that part of the conversation and the shame it made her feel in favor of pressing her point. “You’re a woman.”

“I don’t recall saying that either, Sapph,” Ruby snapped back, interrupting before she could say anything else. “You’re still making assumptions instead of asking me for answers!”

“Point made, Ruby. I’m listening and this is me asking you to help me understand” Sapphire took a deep breath and reminded herself that Ruby had a right to be angry. She had decided who and what she was dealing with at first glance and she hadn’t asked questions. It galled her to admit, but she wasn’t unreasonable damn it! She reasonably pointed out that Ruby’s tone and behavior might have consequences. “ Now stop rubbing my nose in the dirt or I might just dump you in it too. I did it before, remember? When we first met?”

“You could try, but remember who ended up in the dirt with me,” Ruby said, but there seemed to be something gentle and teasing under the challenge. At least, Sapphire hoped that was the case. She nodded and felt Ruby’s forehead come to rest against her shoulder once more. When arms wrapped around her, this time she was faster to cover Ruby’s arms with her own. Her companion sighed and was silent for a long time, but she chose patience. “I had a lot of reasons. The most simple one is that when I turned you in, I didn't want you singing to anyone who’d listen that you had juicy gossip to share. I didn’t want you turning my peaceful life into utter chaos. Well, we're past that point now. My life is already in chaos and I have no reason to believe you’d want to ruin it.”

“The next might not be nice, but you weren’t very nice either. I wanted to teach you a lesson, Sapph. You’re incredibly judgemental and you think you can fit everyone you meet into a nice, neat little box with a label on it. I hated that and I wanted to show you how blind and foolish you were. I knew if I said I was a woman, you would treat me better. Do you understand how much that disgusts me? That would have been equally wrong. Your change of attitude would have been based on something as false as hating me because you thought I was a man. If you decided to trust me or treat me well, then I wanted it to happen against all odds or not at all.” 

Sapphire felt a spark of resentment kindling in her heart. It was bad enough to have her blind spots pointed out and used against her, but that Ruby could confess to it so remorselessly made her wonder how badly she’d misjudged this human being’s nature. The heat filled her ribcage and part of Sapphire wanted to let the flames burn away everything they touched until there was nothing left but the ashes of her trust and the dead bones of what could have been. Another part of her, one that was as vulnerable and bewildered as a child waking from a long nap, cried out for her to wait. It suggested that she think of more than just her own feelings. Then Ruby made a miserable little sound behind her and Sapphire wondered how she could have mistaken barely repressed pain for indifference. Warm tears began bleeding through the fabric of her blouse. 

“The hardest reason is this: I don’t know what else to tell you to use. I don’t feel like a man and I don’t feel like a woman. I dress and act the way I feel most comfortable and I...just let people make assumptions. You told me before that people see what they want to see when they look at you and you take advantage of that to get what you want. I’m ashamed to realize that, in my own way, that’s what I’ve been doing too. People look at me and I let them think whatever they want to, because it’s in my best interest. If I knew what else to do or tell you, then I would.”

It was on the tip of her tongue to say there had never been a person less like her, but that would be making the conversation about herself and this was about how Ruby felt. Expressing her doubt that there was a single mercenary or maliciously manipulative bone in Ruby’s body wasn’t going to ease the ache she heard or answer the real question that Sapphire felt certain was beneath the self-accusatory words. She stroked the hands clutching her like a lifeline and let the tears fall on her like rain. 

Eventually, Ruby pushed away and said, in a voice thick from crying but completely resolute, “Is it possible for you to accept that I am just...myself? Me. Ruby. A person. No more, but no less either.”

She gave the question the serious consideration it and Ruby deserved. Could she accept that this individual lived outside of all conventional definitions she knew and understood? It was a good question, but a very simple answer. “Yes,” she said, “ I can. You aren’t trying to be anything or anyone except yourself. If you’re different, it’s not what you are - it’s who. You aren’t what I expected, but it’s in the best way possible.” 

“You’re not what I expected either, Sapph.” 

And that was enough for both of them. The trail that had come so close to killing them was now peaceful and familiar. Three days passed the kind of harmony that Sapphire had never thought she wanted and which she had despaired at leaving behind once she had found it. The horses followed after Garnet as meekly as handmaids with their queen and if Sass got in the occasional nip then it was only because they were two of a kind. Sapphire was relieved on some level - she could tentatively accept improvement in her life, but perfection would have been too suspicious for her to be comfortable. 

The bandits' supplies were added to the small pot and every night they played cards while the smoked jerky boiled down to broth. The potatoes baked in the ashes overnight and made a fast breakfast while they packed up. The first night after what had happened started with an uncertain meeting of eyes. Ruby didn’t approach or reach out to her, which would have only made her feel pressured, or beg, which would have made her feel guilty. Ruby simply watched her with silent hope and she answered it by pulling the tired little deputy into her lap. The possessiveness that had found a home in Sapphire’s heart preferred to keep Ruby close so, although waking up with Ruby in her arms still felt odd, they both slept better for the closeness. 

When the day came that the trail ended in a clearly marked road, Sapphire stared at the sign post in shock. Somehow, she’d convinced herself this day wouldn’t come and, now that it had, she hesitated at the crossroads. In the distance, she could see a dark smudge on the horizon that could only be a town. The part of her that was once a performer sighed and lamented how anticlimactic the ending of the story felt. The ending of her story. Fear tightened like a noose around her neck, but then there was warm body holding her close. Ruby squeezed her elbow and pointed to a scruffy clump of trees and bushes that stood a fair distance from the road. 

“Get down, Sapph,” Ruby said, once they’d reached the shadows under the trees. She turned around sharply in the saddle, facing Ruby as best she could. The tightness in her throat cut off any questions she had and she flinched when Ruby grasped her cheeks in both hands. Her humble, country deputy was nowhere to be seen - the person who locked eyes with her now was all steel and seriousness, but the hands holding her in place were still gentle. “Please trust me. I know I’m asking for a lot when I say that, but please trust me. I have a plan and I need you to stay here now. I swear that I’ll come back for you by sunset.”

Sapphire chose to believe.


	23. The Crossroads

Sapphire was no stranger to waiting, but it had generally been done on her own terms. Ruby had left her with a full canteen, food, the majority of the money, and no explanations. Everything else went with Ruby, including the horses and Sass. Sapphire knew that selling the lot of them and their tack would make a decent profit, but she had felt an unexpected pang of loss about Sass. She'd miss the obstinant animal. 

She spread out her skirts in the shade of the trees and watched the world crawl by from her hiding place. She could take the money and go on the opposite direction. There wasn’t much traffic on the road, but she could have picked a gullible mark, like a young couple, and given them a sob story with enough truth in it to win their pity. A plea for ride to the next town by a half-starved, ragged woman would be hard for anyone to deny. She knew that Ruby wouldn’t have the heart to run her to ground a second time. 

The sun rose high over head and Sapphire rolled onto her back to stare up through the autumn gilded canopy. A cool breeze whispered over her cheeks and she closed her eyes to better listen to it rustle through the leaves. She’d waited in the past, but now Sapphire asked herself how often she’d been more than superficially still. Inside, her nerves had always been stretched like fiddle strings, but now she relaxed and thought of nothing. Nowhere to be and nothing to do. No one to be. Was nothingness peace? Sapphire sat up and crossed her arms over the hollow feeling in her chest. 

Ruby hadn’t offered to explain and she hadn’t asked. Sapphire was beginning to regret that, but she had a feeling Ruby would have only asked again for trust. It was one thing to trust Ruby and another entirely to wait passively while the course of her life was being determined by someone else. She looked again to the distant road and tensed as she watched a wagon pass by. They couldn’t see her hidden in the brush and grass. Sapphire took a breath and thought about what would happen if she called out to the travellers when a trill of birdsong distracted her. 

A small dark bird with a red breast sang from the highest branches. It was only a bird, but the sound was so cheerful that her lips quirked up in a smile and Sapphire eased back to the grass. She had made the decision to stay and to trust. Ruby had left with her everything she needed to make a different choice and she chose not to. Sapphire found herself humming as she considered about why a bird would be happy in it’s simple little life. The tune Ruby had been singing when he’d come to save her had become stuck in her mind; a puzzle with pieces she could barely find, much less put together. She’d tried repeatedly to recall the words and yet it was only now, when she wasn’t fighting for it, that they came to her. 

“It’s a gift to be simple, it’s a gift to be free,” Sapphire repeated the words to herself, testing them on her tongue as she might have once tasted good wine. Freedom to not be tied down by contracts or revenge. Or maybe, as Ruby might had said, to live without being bound by what others think you should be. Saying she wanted to have choices was to say she desired freedom. The little bird fluttered to the ground, fearlessly pecking at the crumbs she'd scattered by eating a hard biscuit for lunch. “It's a gift to come down where we ought to be.” She’d put on many performances over the years, acting like every place she went was where she ought to be, but when was the last time she’d truly been in a place she belonged?

Thanks to her ability to sit perfectly still for long periods of time and a second biscuit, which Sapphire crumbled in her palm and spread out around her improvised blanket, the birds kept her company for the rest of what would have been a disturbingly empty day. Always, the little robin stood out from its fellows with it’s bright red vest and it’s jaunty little manners. It chirruped and sang almost unceasingly; if it knew it was not in Eden, then it made no difference to its delight. The world was its garden and it would be the first to sing in the morning and the last to stop sing when day came to an end. “And when we find ourselves in the place just right, it will be in the garden of love and delight.” 

By the time Ruby returned, dressed in clean clothes and leading her mule behind Garnet, the sun was setting the western horizon on fire and throwing the rest of the world into shadow. Sapphire watched the birds fly home to their nests and silently felt gratitude for the company she’d been given. Being alone didn’t suit her anymore. She held Garnet’s reins while Ruby dismounted, scratching along the mare’s jaw, but then Sass was pushing forward and Ruby was shouldered aside to land with an undignified yelp. The mule honked and reproached her in the most unmusical voice God had ever bestowed upon a creature, but Sapphire was laughing when Sass shoved a velvety nose into her free hand. 

Ruby even managed a good chuckle, after brushing away the dirt and grass. “I thought you might want to keep her. I guess she wanted to keep you too, huh? That or she’d not finished with you yet. Hard to say.”

Laughter could fill up a moment in time so completely that a person might forget the deepening shadows around them, but it was only for a moment. Once it had passed, reality had to be faced. They delayed a while longer, setting up camp and unburdening Garnet and Sass. The mule had been fitted out in a harness that wasn’t new, but was in much better condition. They worked as a team, Ruby unbuckling straps and handing things to Sapphire, who first laid aside the packs neatly and then took charge of cleaning off the tack while Ruby groomed the animals. When Garnet and Sass had been picketed in a place where they had plenty of grass and a fire had been kindled, they had nothing left to do but face each other. 

“They had a post office in the town with a telegraph, which was exactly what I was hoping for,” Ruby began. There was no fidgeting now, only a matter of fact tone and dark eyes that watched her impassively. “I sent two messages to the county sheriff’s office that I was working for: my resignation and that the murderer I was last seen pursuing died in the wilderness. Whoever is in charge now will see that information is spread to the necessary parties. There’s no one chasing you now, Sapph, and no reason that anyone should ever know what really happened.”

“You told me that you felt like things had happened to you that were beyond your control and that you were set on this path by them - that you had your choices taken away from you.The path ends here... or it could if you want it to. Killing you wouldn’t change the past and it wouldn’t be justice, which is why I’ve made my own choice. I believe I’m doing the right thing and I believe you could do so much more with your life than what you have been doing. What you do with this chance is up to you.”

“I don’t know what that your path will be, but I’m going home. I…” Ruby’s voice choked up and the image of the grim and battered sheriff was lost. All that was left was her soft, awkward Ruby looking at her hopefully from a face still wreathed in fading bruises. Ruby knelt down to where she was sitting beside the fire and reached out a hand that only shook a little. “I’d like you to come home with me. I need rest and you could use a quiet place to recover. It’s where I started over and I thought…”

Sapphire looked at the scar on Ruby’s left palm, remembering how she had bandaged it out of cold civility and a desire to not feel like a lesser person compared to some jumped up little country sheriff. She hadn’t cared about Ruby’s pain then, only her own. It felt like a memory from another lifetime. She covered the faded scar with her own scarred palm and squeezed Ruby’s hand gently. When Ruby’s fingers twined with hers, Sapphire savored the warmth. She had never appreciated the feeling of another person’s skin against hers before, but Sapphire was not someone to deny herself anything once she knew what she wanted. 

“I won’t ask you to promise me that you’ll stop killing, because that’s something that you should be doing for your own sake and not mine. But I can’t continue to walk the same path as a murderer, Sapphire. Do you understand that?”

She did understand. The same morality that would not allow Ruby to turn her over to the judges and executioners could not turn a blind eye to the kind of life she’d been living. Sapphire understood far more than that, though. Based on faith in who she could be if given a chance, Ruby had committed a serious crime - knowingly lying to the authorities to aid in the escape of a criminal wanted for multiple murders. If she went to the gallows now, it would probably be with Ruby by her side. The weight of what Ruby had done for her rested heavily on Sapphire’s shoulders, but she was a strong woman. That trust was a blessing on a life she didn’t think deserved it, so she would also bear the burden of it with gratitude. 

“You won’t be,” Sapphire replied, answering with a calmness that belied how overwhelmed she was feeling. Ruby had taken the first step, but there was more that needed to be done before Lady Masque could be buried for once and for all. “Ruby, even with what you reported, I think it's best if we don't give people any reasons to be suspicious. Considering that you went to town alone and asked me to stay out of sight, I'd say you know that too.”

“Wanted posters always give identifying features, but I'll stake my life on it that no poster or warrant you ever saw for me mentioned that I was blind in one eye. Am I right?” Ruby nodded, frowning a little in thought. She’d made certain that only people who had seen her face that clearly hadn’t lived long enough to gossip about it. It could have been done prevent her identity from being public knowledge, but if Sapphire was honest then she’d have to admit it had been pride. 

Sapphire’s hands were shaking as she pulled away from Ruby, but the pride that had driven her to conceal the cataract in her left eye now pushed her to defy the fear that was holding her back. She buried her hands in her hair and, with a stinging scrape of nails on skin, raked it away from her face. “If we cut my hair and it's obvious that I'm partially blind, then there's less chance of people making a connection between Sapphire the nobody and Lady Masque, infamous murderer and robber, former singer and performer on the Empress Lily.”

At the word nobody, Ruby had lurched in her direction with both hands stretched out. Sapphire blocked the well meaning denial with her own hand on Ruby’s chest. She had meant to answer Ruby’s kindness with her own, but her tone was still sharp enough to make her companion flinch when Sapphire said, ‘Stop. Don’t you understand that I am no one right now? There’s a Ruby that lives outside of being a deputy sheriff, but Lady Masque was all of me. She was a very unhappy, paranoid, and angry woman. I’m going to have to figure out who I am now, because who I was has been declared dead.”

Her breath hitched on the last sentence and Sapphire choked on the bitter aftertaste of what she'd said. Being a blank slate sounds good in theory, but the truth of losing her identity was like being back on the cliff and expected to step off it in blind faith. She would never, could never, have taken that leap if it had been anyone but Ruby promising to catch her. Ruby reached for her again and was caught by the wrist instead. In one smooth motion, Sapphire rose to her feet and pulled Ruby up with her. Even as she was moving to stand, her free hand was sliding into the slit hidden in the folds of her skirt and pulling her knife free of its sheath. The knife handle was pressed into Ruby’s palm before the wide eyed former-deputy could twist away from the touch of cold steel. Neither of them could look away from the ruddy gleam of fire reflected in the blade; it moved across the metal and gave the impression of a moving, living thing. So much more than an object had been surrendered by her actions.

“At the shoulders, don’t you think?” Sapphire asked, speaking over Ruby’s faint protests. She took a little pride in how steady her voice sounded, but turned her back before Ruby could see the fear in her now exposed face. Her heart was pounding too hard for her to bear much longer. Sapphire just wanted this next step to be over. There was nothing sexual in the way Ruby gently reached around and combed her hair back from her temples, but the intimacy of someone else’s fingers running through her hair still made Sapphire’s stomach twist. Ruby’s progress was further slowed by a misguided attempt to work loose some of the worst knots from her hair. Her voice broke as she snapped,“Just. Cut.” 

Ruby’s hands paused and, if there was any reply made to her demand, it was impossible to hear over the thunder of her own pulse. When Sapphire thought her heart might just burst from the strain, it instead seemed to stop dead at the nerve prickling slide of sharpened steel across the back of her neck. There was a tug on her scalp as Ruby pulled her hair taut and the silk-tearing sound of hair being cut. Then… there was nothing. No sound, no pulling at her hair or knife at her neck. Sapphire turned toward the fire and was caught off guard at how weightless her head felt. She took a step forward and turned her head to each side, marveling and yet horrified by the ease of the motion. 

People often spoke of feeling lighter as a positive thing, of taking pleasure and relief in having heavy burdens taken from their shoulders, but Sapphire could only feel lost and disconnected. If who and what she had been was a burden, then at least it had given her something to hold onto. Wisps of hair brushed her shoulders and Sapphire shivered, brushing the loose ends away from her skin. Sapphire could feel herself being scrutinized and that was equally distracting, but Ruby said nothing when she returned the attention. Ruby held her knife in one hand and a long mass of blonde hair hanging limp in the other, hesitantly offering both when Sapphire reached out. She took the knife first, returning it to its sheath, and then stared down at the length of hair in her hand. The crackling of the fire drew her attention next and, impulsively, Sapphire threw the hair into the flames. 

The acrid stench made her wrinkle her nose and Sapphire’s already thin patience broke, “Well? At you going to keep staring or are you going to say something? How do I look?”

“If it’s a comfort, no one is ever going to mistake you for a man, Sapph,” Ruby answered, smiling sheepishly and shrugging. If she’d heard a single word about still being beautiful, Sapphire would have argued against it. She’d have found endless reasons for why she felt ugly inside and out until Ruby had been forced to concede, but she was helpless to fight the laughter inspired by such an absurd remark. The warm firelight danced in Ruby’s dark eyes and the hand that took her own was the stability she’d needed. Gradually, she was drawn forward until she could lean into Ruby’s strength. 

No one can hold up another person forever. Sapphire wouldn’t have wanted that even if it was possible, but she was beginning to accept the idea that they could stand as equals and support each other. Ruby’s arms crossed over her shoulders and Sapphire realized, as she pressed her face into the crook of Ruby’s neck, that the very scent of her companion had become comfortingly familiar. She didn't know where this new trail would lead, but she could never had dreamed the last would have ended here. Sapphire didn't know what to expect, but she wanted to believe in what she'd found in Ruby. She wanted to know where this trail could take her.

“Ruby, I saw a map when I was putting the packs away. Could you...show me where home is?”


End file.
